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âWhile youâre working, Iâll ask you some questions about what youâre doing and why and how, and then at the end weâll have some conclusion-and-contemplation work. So, go to it!â
Power Grrrl raised her hand.
âYes, Syndi?â
âIs there any of AndrĂ©âs baking left from the other day?â
âNo, Syndi.â
âLike, could you call him and ask him to bringââ
âJust focus on ze verdammt assignment, Fraulein âGrrrlâ!â
âWhat-ever!â
Iconograffiti
Because actual iconsâthe type held in museumsârepresent our most esteemed virtues, we might assume they must be constructed exclusively from genuinely precious materials such as marble, gold, or achillium.
But during Europeâs Middle Ages, a thriving trade in faked icons saw horse molars sold as the teeth of Saint Paul, splinters sold as shards of the True Cross, and bearâs hair sold as clippings from the beard of Solomon. Clearly, the composition of an icon is irrelevant to its purposeâthat being the focal point for our contemplation.
So if youâre prevented from confronting your own inadequacies because youâre prostrate in front of a golden calf thatâs been thrust upon you, or if youâre stuck inside a narcissistic id-loop of worshiping yourself, then right now, put down Unmasked! When Being a Superhero Canât Save You from Yourself, and take whatever random materials you have in your apartment, headquarters, cavern, or hideout and build an icon of your own.
When youâre done, resume reading the chapter and follow along with my heroes. Write down your own answers to the questions I ask them, and take part in our final exercise. What you discover may put you much closer to freeing yourself from the cold clutches of your own psychic supervillains.
Iconstruction
My team quickly surveyed the room, each seeker securing the materials necessary to build his or her own icon, or in Mr. Piltdownâs case, seizing the resources he thought others might require for their work.
I noticed that the dynamic detective was also depositing pamphlets around the roomâred-white-and-blue glossies whose covers featured his own cowled scowl beneath the slogan RE-TURN TO HONOR, PRIDE, & GLORY and above the phrases ELECT FLYING SQUIRREL and DIRECTOR, F*O*O*J OPERATIONS. No one so much as glanced through one, not even Kareem, even though the tract was a direct challenge to him.
But while Mr. Piltdown tried to spark Hnossiâs interest, to his obvious disappointment she was much more concerned with the three-yard-wide broken slab of granite she was hefting from the industrial cast-offs section of the Aesthetics Lab and laying across the floor of her workbay. Syndi had dragged over a mannequin and gone back for armfuls of cloth scraps and cans of spray paint, while Mr. Piltdown began by flipping through a stack of magazines, constantly casting looks over his shoulders (whether from angry suspicion or embarrassment, Iâm not sure).
X-Man, however, was standing at his workbay without tools, without materials, without scraps. His eyes were closed, and he remained motionless.
From behind me was a simultaneous rush of frost and heatâIron Lass had manifested her white and black swords, alternately freezing and melting sections of her vast granite slab before shearing them away.
I noticed Mr. Piltdown had become completely stillânot due to gazing at Iron Lass but because he was fixated on the inside of a 1979 issue of Time from which heâd been tearing out images and text.
He stood staring at a full-page photograph of a beautiful, slender-muscled young Asian man in tight green shorts, a tight red leather vest, a short yellow cape, and a shiny black mask with stubby, furry gopher-style ears. His legal name, which had not been revealed when the article was written, was Tran Chi Hanh.
Back then he was known to the world as martial-arts ingenue and Flying Squirrel sidekick Chip Monk, North Americaâs first Buddhist superhero. And its last.
âYou were once his icon,â I said as quietly as I could to Mr. Piltdown. âBeforeâŠbefore he left you.â
He looked down at me, his eyes burning like piles of discarded hospital waste. âThat was before he ended up in therapy,â he hissed, âwith the likes of you.â
âLooking up to anyone as much as Tran did to you can be very destructive to oneâs ego integrityââ
âThe word therapist, Miss Brain,â snarled Mr. Piltdown. âYou put a space after the third letter, and you get the rapist. Chip fell into therapy, like any street junkie falls into smoking maki. Thatâs what ruined him, notââ
âI canât imagine the burden you carry, Mr. Piltdown, of having to be an icon, always having to be perfect, never being able to make a mistake. Because the distance to the pinnacle that people believe youâre perfect, itâs to the same depth theyâll be furious when they inevitably discover youâre not.â
âTranâs betrayal, Miss Brain,â he said, âwasnât because of any perceived imperfection on my part. You brain-shredders! Devoting your lives to splitting marriages, ruining families and organizations, digging up depravities that should be repressed and reanimating them in front of a crowdââ
âPerhaps the real problem, Mr. Piltdown, is being someoneâs icon within a close relationship. Itâs inevitable that worship decays into contempt, because worship is ultimately about being trapped, being a slave.â
âThe only slavery I see here, Miss Brain, is your cultish, psychopathologizing claptrap!â
He returned to his Time, tearing the picture of Chip Monk down the middle and glancing at 1979 entertainment coverage of Ragnarok Now!, the Oscar-winning film about superheroes suffering from Post-Power Stress Disorder. âTran Chi Hanh, the boy I raised as if he were my own son, betrayed me. Betrayed me because of a very sick and very evil little man.â
He turned his burning glare on me, then on everyone else, but no one was looking back. Had they heard him, they all would have instantly understood his referenceâto the premier scandal of Reagan-era superheroics.
In 1980, after rumors of an ever-degenerating relationship between the senior hero and his sidekick, Chip Monk resigned at his first, brief, and final press conference.
And then he disappeared for more than four years.
Surfacing in 1985 under his legal name and fresh
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