Honor Bound Joey Hill (best new books to read txt) 📖

Tish grinned so wide Ella was sure her cheeks would explode. “I knew it. I knew you two belonged together.”

“We’re not together.”

Tish’s smile faded. “Why the hell aren’t you?”

“Because what happened between us in Hawaii can’t work here.”

“Again, why the hell not?”

Ella rubbed that spot in between her eyebrows where a headache was forming. “It’s complicated.”

“I’ve got time. Explain it to me.”

“I don’t have time. I’m really busy, Tish. Let’s get together for a drink soon, okay?”

“You’re putting me off because you don’t have a valid reason why you and Clay can’t be together.”

“Yes, I do have a valid reason. Plenty of them, the least of which is he’s not interested in having a relationship.”

“He told you this.”

“Not exactly.”

“Did you tell him you’re in love with him?”

Her gaze snapped to Tish’s. “Of course not.”

“But you are in love with him, aren’t you?”

She was seconds away from denying it, but realized Tish would browbeat her mercilessly until she confessed. She sank back in her chair. “Yes. I love him.”

Tish leaned forward. “Then what’s the problem, honey? Tell him.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“You know why. He doesn’t want attachments in his life. Besides, I swore I’d never get involved with anyone in this industry again. Next time I fall in love it’s going to be with a nice . . . accountant or something.”

Tish studied her with a critical gaze.

“What?”

“You’re afraid.”

“I am not.”

“Yes, you are. You’re afraid if you fall in love again, the man you love is going to drop dead like James did.”

Ella struggled to speak past the pain and fury that boiled inside her. “That’s harsh.”

Tish lifted her chin. “I know. And it’s the damn truth. You’re scared to death that you love Clay. Someone who could die on you, just like James did.”

“I am not. I just know it would never work. He isn’t interested.”

“How do you know unless you tell him? I think you’re giving bullshit excuses to ignore your fear.”

Ella stood, paced the room, finally settling on looking out her window at the parking lot.

“I’m not afraid. I’m strong, Tish. I withstood a lot with James’s death.”

“And you don’t want to go through it again, so you’re tossing all this on Clay, when in reality it’s you who’s the problem.”

She kept her gaze trained on the window. “I thought you were my friend.”

She heard the crackle of the leather cushion, then felt Tish behind her, her arms encircling her. “I am your friend. I love you. I went through that pain with you and never want to see you go through it again. And remember . . . I’ve been there, too.”

Ella nodded. “I know.” She wanted to say that Tish’s situation was different, that her husband’s cancer had been slow and debilitating. But had it really been different? They’d both lost men they loved. She was so confused.

“Ella. You can’t stop living just because you lost someone. It took me a long time to get past John’s death. But I did. And I’m dating again. I haven’t fallen in love yet, but I’m allowing myself the opportunity to. And I know it’ll happen someday when the right man comes along. You have to open your heart and let it happen for you, too.”

Tears welled and she forced them back, refusing to dwell on the past, or the possible future that was riddled with terror. “You know what Clay does for a living, Tish.”

“Yeah. The same thing that James did. But the construction business didn’t kill your husband, Ella. An aneurysm did.”

She shook her head. “I can’t lose another man I love. Not again. I wouldn’t survive it.”

Tish squeezed her shoulders. “We’re all going to lose the ones we love, Ella. You and I know that more than most people do. We just got a head start on most people. And it made us stronger. We’re light-years ahead of the rest of them.”

That actually made her laugh. “Yeah, I’m strong, all right. I’ve spent the past five years proving how goddamn strong I am.”

“You’re strong enough to try this again. Because you don’t want to spend the rest of your life alone, without love. Without being loved.”

Tears rolled down her face, the anguish tearing her up inside. Was this what she wanted for the rest of her life? To feel alone and afraid? She turned to face her best friend.

“You’re a real bitch, you know.”

Tish’s lips quirked. “Not the first time I’ve heard that. But you know I’m never gonna sugarcoat it for you. You love him. And I know he loves you.”

Ella swiped her cheeks. “You think he loves me?”

“He’s been cranky as a bear since he got back. And usually he dives right into work, happy as can be to be back there after he’s been gone. Not this time.”

“Have you—?”

“Asked him about you? No. I’m not poking the bear just yet. But I will.”

“Oh, I don’t know, Tish. I don’t know about any of this. Clay just isn’t the type to want to settle down with one woman.”

“He wasn’t the type before. My guess is he’s changed his mind about that. But you’ll never know unless you try.”

Trying scared the shit out of her. She didn’t know if she even wanted to try, because Tish was right. The thought of loving and losing someone again terrified her.

“I’ll think about it.”

Tish nodded and went to pick up her purse. “You do that. Oh, and the reason I came here?”

“Yeah?”

“The annual Trades charity ball is Saturday. I’m supposed to remind all the contractors about it.”

She grimaced. “Do I have to go?”

“Yes. You have to go. I have to go. We all have to go. Suck it up.”

“I don’t have a ball gown.” She hadn’t been to the ball since James died. It was . . . too festive. The contractors all brought their wives or dates. It was a huge deal since it was their annual charity fund-raiser. Ella usually sent a check instead.

“No excuses. We’ll go shopping because this year you’re going. It’ll be good