All the Little Things Sarah Lawton (red white royal blue TXT) 📖

her. I was never sure, and I didn’t believe their suggestion that she might be autistic, either – she was who she was, and I had to love her in spite of what she had done, because I had brought her into the world. Nothing seemed to be holding her back from life now anyway, and I had given up everything to devote myself to her full time, like a proper mother. And I was always watching.

I didn’t see Alex that week at the Thursday life class, where Geoff was magnificent as always, and I assumed he had changed his mind about coming along, or having lessons, and I was surprised at the pang of disappointment I felt. I found myself thinking about him and wondering what he might be working on as I was in my studio.

After school on Friday Vivian rolled in and was about to run up the stairs when I caught her. She’d been avoiding me all week, hiding in her room like a little mouse.

‘Darling, come and have a drink before you disappear into your pit.’ Her face creased with annoyance as I deliberately offended her – she was obsessively neat.

‘Ugh, Mum, I’ve got loads of revision to do. We’ve got exams next week.’

‘Yes, but it can wait ten minutes while we have a chat, can’t it? You’ve been holed up in your room all week. It’s not like you – you’re all usually out and about.’

‘Yeah, I just said, I’ve got revision?’ She looked at me again like I was an insufferable moron then sloped into the kitchen, begrudgingly plonking herself at the table. I moved in behind her and made us both a squash with ice from the freezer, enjoying the crackling noise the ice made in the tall glasses.

‘So,’ I began, ‘how is everything at school? Are you worried about the GCSE mocks?’

‘Not really.’ She lifted a slim shoulder in a shrug, tucked her hair behind her ear.

‘Why were you back from school so late yesterday? You didn’t really answer me when I asked you at dinner. What’s going on?’

‘Nothing. I was just hanging out at Molly’s, we were revising. Sorry, I meant to text you.’

‘Are you out with the girls tonight?’

‘No. But I’ll probably go out for a walk or something. I need to do some sketching for our art coursework.’

‘Is everything okay with you guys? I haven’t seen much of anyone this week.’

‘You saw Molly, didn’t you? You two were having a lovely time flipping pancakes yesterday,’ she said, looking into her drink, a small frown on her face. ‘Everything is fine.’

‘Are you sure, Vi? You know you can always talk to me about anything at all, anything you want to?’

She looked up at me with her funny half-smile. ‘Yes, Mum,’ she said, with a fake-weary sigh. ‘I know you are the super-cool young mother that I can talk to about sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll. But I’m not having any sex or drugs, and rock ’n’ roll is shit, so I’m fine, okay? Are you going out tonight? I wouldn’t mind the TV to myself.’

‘Is that a hint? I could pop out to the pub, I suppose. I didn’t go yesterday after class. Steve probably missed me.’

‘I’m sure he did. You should go out, I’ll be fine.’ She picked up her squash and gave me a rare kiss on the cheek before going upstairs. Everything seemed fine, but something she said had left me with the unsettling image of her watching me cooking with Molly from the kitchen doorway, silent and jealous, on the outside. I needed to be more careful of her feelings.

Vivian

Mum taps on the door and tells me ten minutes until dinner, so I shut dull Jane Eyre which I’m revising from and pick up my phone instead. There aren’t any messages. Everything has been really weird since last weekend, and the fight yesterday made it even worse. We’ve all been kind of acting like nothing happened, and that everything is normal, but it’s like we’re all dancing on ice without knowing the steps. It could break at any second and then we’d all drown, freezing in dark waters. I still have a bruise on my hip from where Serena threw the ball at me – I know she did it on purpose, but what did I do? I wasn’t the one who went after the boy she liked; I just lied for Molly.

I haven’t seen Alex all week. I haven’t stopped thinking about what Molly said about him fancying me, and about what being with him might mean. I wonder where he might be, and if he’s with someone already. I decide I don’t like the imaginary girlfriend I’ve concocted, unless it turns out to be me, of course.

‘Viv!’ shouts Mum from downstairs. ‘Tea’s ready!’

I leave my phone on my desk and go downstairs to eat. I decide I can’t be arsed to do any more revision tonight. Mum – who is looking a bit glammed up for once, which is weird – leaves to go and see Steve and tells me she’ll be back before ten, so I can take over the front room and binge-watch my shows. I’m feeling pretty smug about getting rid of her for the evening so easily, without getting an inquisition.

I make myself some popcorn and a drink and I’ve literally just sat down when the doorbell goes. I really hope it’s not for me, as I’ve had enough of this week and for a second I think about just sitting here quietly, but no doubt Door Knocker’s next step will be to peep in the window right at where I am, so I get up and answer the door.

It’s Alex.

‘What are you doing here?’ I ask him. I realise I’m still angry about what he said about Molly last weekend, even though it might have been true. ‘Here to tell more lies about my friends? And how did you know where I lived?’

He shrugs, looking irritatingly cool