Return of the Trickster Eden Robinson (sight word readers TXT) 📖

lame,” Gun Guy said. “If you’re not going to eat what you hunt, what’s the point?”

“I just meant that he doesn’t mean anything to me,” Jared said.

“Granny Georgina wants us to give you a demonstration, so you’re going to get a demonstration.”

“The wi-fi’s off,” said the third coy wolf.

“Watch your porn later,” Gun Guy said.

“It means our security cameras are down, fuckface.”

“So fix it.”

“I need to check the router in the office.”

“Go with him,” Gun Guy said to the other one.

“Don’t start without us,” the coy wolf who had kicked Jared said.

“Weapons!” Gun Guy yelled at them as they clumped up the stairs in their boots.

“Yeah, yeah,” they said.

He pulled his pistol from its holster and rested it on his thigh. He stared at the door as if he was willing something to come through it so he could shoot.

Jared realized Georgina was gone from his head. Off to get a pedicure. Going to play some keno at the mall. Bowling with the girls. Eating another couple ape men.

“I’m not bringing her back,” Jared said.

“Then we’re going to kill everyone you know and you’re going to watch.”

“I’m going to die.”

“You’re going to live,” Gun Guy said, “until you aren’t useful anymore.”

David took a deep, loud breath. “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus—”

“What’s he on about?” Gun Guy said.

“It’s an exorcism,” Jared said. “He thinks we’re demons.”

“—Omnis satanica potestas! Omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio!”

“Have you looked in the mirror, Freak?”

David continued to chant, looking skywards as if God was going to drop from heaven and rescue him. The root cellar filled with the distinctive odour of bubbling canola oil from the deep fryer, bringing back sudden memories of working at Dairy Queen.

“Can I have a beer?” Jared said.

Gun Guy took the safety off his Glock. “You killed my sister. Not that she was a wonderful ball of sunshine, but family, right?”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“But you did. So here we are.”

“God,” Jared said. “I wasted so much time being sober.”

—

The kicker and the porn watcher came back with protective aprons and arm-length gloves, and a wooden stick with a shackle screwed at one end. They cut off the sleeve of David’s shirt as David gibbered. Was that the right word? Sounds that made no sense, frantic.

The coy wolves hadn’t been able to fix the wi-fi and they argued about the lack of security cameras, whose fault it was, who should stand guard, ultimately deciding no one knew they were here, so they would eat fast and fix the wi-fi later.

Jared’s mind flipped to Phil standing in the doorway, sadly waving goodbye.

I’m back, Georgina said to them all.

Hello, Granny, Gun Guy thought at her.

Put a blocking charm on him, Georgina said.

He’s not going anywhere, Gun Guy said.

He’s extremely empathetic. He’ll feel everything this David feels.

Isn’t that what we want?

He’ll pass it along to you. Unless you want to feel yourself being eaten as you eat, go get a charm.

No one moved.

“Don’t all volunteer at once,” Gun Guy said.

“I have money,” David said. “I have lots of money. I’ll do anything you want. I’ll do anything.”

David looked hopefully at Gun Guy. David looked hopefully at Jared. The two coy wolves watched Gun Guy clomp away up the steps and as soon as he closed the cellar doors, they grabbed paring knives and, stepping carefully around the deep fryer, started making quick, shallow slices in David’s flesh. David howled and Jared felt each sly cut, an overwhelming taste of copper filling his mouth. The coy wolves yipped and dropped their knives.

I told you that would happen. Patience, Georgina said, irritated.

David screamed and Jared felt his raw throat, the cuts that burned.

“Fuck,” Porn Watcher said. “Gran, help!”

You didn’t listen, did you? I can’t do anything from here. He’s too far from me and he’s shifty.

“I’ll do what you want! I’ll do anything you want!” David moaned. “Anything! Anything!”

“Anything,” Kicker said in a high falsetto.

They parked themselves in folding chairs and took off their gloves to check their phones. David yanked at his restraints, sweating and bug-eyed. The room filled with the tangy smell of his fear. The ghosts began to drift away.

We’re all meat, Georgina said to him.

Gun Guy returned and closed the doors behind himself. He held up the charm.

I won’t be able to reach you through that, Georgina said to Jared. Enjoy the show.

Gun Guy put the charm around his neck then dragged him over to the steps, where he made Jared kneel.

“Eyes open,” Gun Guy said. “Or I will hurt you.” He held Jared by the hair so he couldn’t look away and nodded at the other two.

The wolves put their phones and gloves on the table. They attached the shackle to David’s wrist. They murmured to each other as they put their gloves back on. One of them held the stick while the other undid the leather strap that held David’s arm to the chair. David fought, bouncing the stick, and the wolves hooted as if they’d caught a big fish. Slowly, slowly, they brought David’s hand down to the deep fryer.

I don’t want to be here, Jared thought.

Pork chops. Bacon. Sell the sizzle. The hiss of food hitting the deep fryer. David jumped in the chair as though he was being electrocuted, his screams strangling into a wordless O. The acrid smell of piss and then shit. Stains on the front of his khakis, his head jerking.

David went limp. They tucked the stick at an angle that let the cooked hand rest on the chair’s arm. Porn Watcher took the machete from the table and chopped off the deep-fried hand while Kicker put a paper plate underneath to catch it. Porn Watcher held up the deep-fried thumb for Gun Guy, who shook his head.

“Are you going hugan on us?” Kicker teased.

“Cholesterol,” Gun Guy said, letting go of Jared’s hair. “I’ll slow-cook the rump roast later.”

As he went over to study David, Jared doubled over. He heaved. Felt firm bits of himself blocking his airway as his organs decided fuck this