On a Roll Beth Bolden (best book club books for discussion .TXT) 📖

anymore. He was trying to manage his expectations and not be disappointed by impossibilities.

“Me?” Lennox asked, putting a hand up to his chest, a little self-consciously. “Uh, well, I own a business. A security business.” He hesitated, clearly uncomfortable talking about himself. “We opened a new office a few blocks away from the lot, and that’s when I started coming here.”

“Oh, that must be why Tony asked you to check out the security lighting,” Sean said, laughing. “I feel dumb now.”

“No, Tony didn’t know, I didn’t tell him, I . . .”

“Don’t like sharing much about yourself?” Gabriel chimed in. “Yeah, I kinda got that impression. Well, a warning, that’s not going to last long around here. We’re a fairly open group.”

“Yeah, I got that impression, too,” Lennox said dryly.

“Impression of what?” Ash appeared at his elbow, a beer in one hand, and one of those plastic shot glasses in the other. His tanned face was flushed, and when he looked up at Lennox, the flush deepened.

“That everyone’s fine fucking around,” Lennox said.

Sean frowned because yes, he’d discovered them doing that exact thing, but it was still a little harsh. Because they did run a successful business here. Six successful businesses, actually. They’d never be able to do that if they were actually fucking around all the time.

“That’s not true,” Ash said righteously.

Lennox regarded him steadily, without even a whiff of guilt. “I just know what I’ve seen.”

“You certainly have no issue coming around buying meals from us,” Tony said.

For the first time, Sean saw the beginning of a crack in Lennox’s steely composure.

“I don’t have any issues,” Lennox said firmly. “I apologize if you think I did. You’re free to live your lives however you see fit.”

But now that Sean had seen the uncertainty hiding in his eyes, it was impossible not to see it.

He didn’t think Lennox disagreed with their lifestyle choices. Instead, he was fairly certain that was envy in his voice.

“We certainly will,” Ash said.

“I guess I’ll see you around,” Lennox said, and with a single, opaque glance towards Ash, walked off. Nobody stopped him.

“Well, he was a major buzzkill,” Tony said as soon as he was out of hearing distance. “Why’d you invite him, anyway?” he asked, turning towards Ash.

“He seemed like a nice enough guy. Could use some friends,” Ash said.

“I think he probably still could,” Tate said, speaking up for the first time. Sean knew then that his quietly observant friend had seen the same thing he had.

“Yeah, I think so too,” Sean agreed.

“Don’t expect me to be the one inviting him next time,” Ash said. “I’ve learned my lesson.”

Except, Sean knew how promises like that went. He’d started out that way too, sure that he was going to hate Gabriel for all time. So painfully certain that he’d never forget that meatball, rocketing towards him. And what was he doing now? Finding dark corners so he could try to seduce him.

“I like to think nobody’s hopeless,” Sean said.

“Yeah, you would,” Ash teased him, a smile suddenly lighting up his face. “I don’t suppose you’d want to go on record and tell us what’s going on between you and Gabe?”

“Nope,” Sean said, exchanging a smile of his own with Gabriel. “We’re good, thanks.”

“Just how good?” Tony wondered.

“Ask me tomorrow,” Gabriel said, and Sean tried very hard not to flush just as red as Ash had. He glanced down at him, a knowing look in his eyes. “You ready to get out of here?”

He’d been ready for hours, ever since Gabriel had finally seen the light and agreed to Sean’s plan.

“Yeah, definitely,” Sean said, reaching out to take Gabe’s hand. “Hey, guys, thanks for a great six months,” he said. “And here’s to a hell of a lot more.”

“Cheers to that,” Lucas said, raising his glass. “Have fun, and be safe, you two crazy kids.”

———

It wasn’t until they were walking through the warm night air towards Sean’s townhouse that Gabriel began to get nervous.

He was excited. He was turned on. And, he discovered, he was also terrified.

“Hey,” he said, giving Sean’s hand a little squeeze. “Has it . . .” He cleared his throat. “Has it really been almost five years for you? Nothing else, not since your . . .” He hesitated. He’d been more than a little insensitive before, about Sean’s dead husband, and he didn’t want to fuck everything up by doing it again.

“Husband? Milo?” Sean supplied with a quick grin. “You can say it, you know, I’m not made of glass. I’m not going to shatter.”

“I know,” Gabriel said. Couldn’t help but think that Sean might be the strongest person he knew. If he ever fell in love the way Sean had with his husband, and then he died, he didn’t think he’d ever get out of bed again. But not only had Sean pulled himself up, he’d come here to LA and created a new life for himself. That was strength personified.

“But no, nothing. No one since him.” Sean’s gaze was so trusting, it sent another wave of apprehension washing through Gabriel. “I didn’t want anyone else, and that was okay. But now I do, and that’s okay, too.”

Gabriel wasn’t quite as confident as Sean was. It was one of the reasons he’d hesitated to agree to his friends-with-benefits plan. The other was that he definitely felt more than just friendly towards Sean—he wasn’t sure he could precisely identify his feelings, but he knew it wasn’t just platonic lust. But between watching Sean try to hit on anything with a dick and learning to live with what morsels Sean was willing to give him? In the end, the decision was a no-brainer.

“I just don’t want this to be a mistake,” Gabriel said, more honestly than he’d intended.

Sean gazed up at him. “It won’t be,” he said, his voice still so certain.

“Alright,” Gabriel said. Maybe the trust in Sean’s eyes didn’t solve every problem, but he’d be lying if he tried to claim that it didn’t make any difference.

Sean had