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down when I felt riled. The big cats understood me and I liked to be near them. It made me feel a little less alone in the world. It was one of my favorite places to go when I was feeling lost. Sadly, they didn't have jaguars, but their lions were awfully chatty with me.

I'd sit outside their exhibit and we'd mew and grunt back and forth. I did the same with their white tiger, Mac. The entire big cat area was like one big family reunion for me. Real cats are so different from what I am. They're so much surer of themselves and their place in the world.

When I say the cats were chatty, I meant through their behavior and sounds they told me what they wanted to say. I'm not bilingual in that respect. I don't speak cat or anything. It was actually more complex and scientific than that.

Their body language tells me what they're trying to say. A tiger with whiskers forward, ears up, grunting and leaping is one who is happy to see you. If he rolls over and shows you his belly, he is admitting you are dominant. If he pees on you it means he’s claiming you as belonging to him.

Speaking of, one of the male lions likes to pee through the fence onto visitors. People get so grossed out, but they don't understand it's a compliment. For the most part they're just angry they've been peed on. Which, on a hot Alabama day, I can't exactly blame them.

I pulled into the zoo's lot and parked. I walked to the entrance, dug my membership card out of my wallet, and smiled. Then I stepped up to the gates and shoved forth my treasured plastic rectangle.

"Like you even need that anymore," Gladys said.

She worked the front gates and (sometimes) the cafe in the children's zoo. I smiled and shrugged. I was here an awful lot lately. After a rough day I would come and interact with the cats. I’d love to have housecats, but the little guys tend to be afraid of me.

"True. I'm just waiting for them to start paying me." I grinned and waved as I sailed through the gates and turned right to go and see the kitties.

When I situated myself on a bench outside the cat building I pulled my phone out, turned it back on, and called the number Ben had given me. The secretary confirmed that he worked there and when I asked what division I was told import/export. I thanked her and asked for his boss. She told me he was out of the office and I left Gerry’s number and told her to have Ben’s boss call mine, then I hung up.

Whatever was going on with Ben's work they were covering their tracks, which made me suspicious. Between dealing with my maker suddenly popping up and pulling this forgive me, I love you shit on me, and trying to hunt down the world's most vicious psychopath, I was feeling a little spread thin. I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted, but I did know what I needed.

I needed time to think about Ben and about Grisly. Coming here always got my mind working. Some people like a hot bath; I feel most relaxed when I watch lions be lions. As they ran and played with each other I got a good sense of the group dynamics and could tell who was in the top this week.

That's the best part of prides, the leadership is always changing. Those who were nobody yesterday can pop up to lead the family today. Then they can go right back to being nobody tomorrow. It works about the same in human societies, but, instead of the best candidate you go for the prettiest, or the most opinionated. It's a very primate sort of hierarchy which is far more ludicrous than cat hierarchies.

Over time, in a primate society, the strongest aren't in the running anymore. In less time than you'd think, it goes from being about who is the best provider and leader to who is the most popular. Anthropologists see it in primates who have every need catered to them in zoos and sanctuaries. There's no need to push for survival, it's guaranteed, so why not enjoy what you have?

Cats on the other hand like to earn it, for the most part. Lions are simply lazy bastards who allow the lionesses to do it all and then they show up once a month and act as muscle. Then they go back to sleeping twenty-two hours a day and eating the best of the food the ladies bring home. It makes me proud to be a jaguar.

Jaguar behavior is similar to tigers, but less hasty. If you're in a tiger's territory it will attack, kill you, and leave part of your body behind to serve as a warning. If you're in a jaguar's area, it will follow you completely silent and unseen just to keep an eye on what you're doing. If you need to be attacked, you will be, but why waste energy and effort on something that might not be necessary and could possibly bring harm to yourself?

Stealth in hunting is always a good thing. Jaguars and leopards are the ninjas of the cat family. You won't know they're there until they want you to. It's also behavior that doesn't lend itself well to playing with others. As a human, I was always somewhat subservient in ways I had never really noticed until I became a cat.

Being a jaguar gives me the confidence that I was sorely lacking otherwise. I suppose it's the same reason I got the car I did. Sure, she's a great car, but she makes me feel like a badass when I'm behind the wheel and that was the most important thing for me. Probably some sort of mid-transition crisis, but it is what it is and you won't catch me complaining.

Sorry for digressing, but animal

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