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Feathers and move away! JP may cause problems but M has plans. I’ll move anywhere M wants to go as long as we’re together.

He growled audibly, the sound vibrating in the back of his throat. Had his mother been brainwashed by this Michael, or was she as manipulative as he was?

7th Oct

I’m having M’s baby!!! I’m pregnant! So happy! It’s all I have ever wanted in the 2 years we’ve been together. I could scream it from the rooftops! Wheeeee!!!

Robert shivered. Pregnant? Pregnant with him?

He did a quick calculation. Yes, it must have been him.

Bending over the bureau looking at this little book, his legs felt decidedly shaky. He reached across to the cabinet and grabbed a bottle of spirits, not much caring what it was. Unscrewing the cap, he took a gulp and grimaced, all his senses screaming at the gin. He hated gin, still it would do.

Moving to the sofa, he plonked himself down and looked back at the notebook:

20th Dec

My last show at Feathers. I’m sad to leave, but now I’m starting to show there’s no choice. I love this baby, but not as much as I love M. Wish we could be together this Xmas. Maybe if S was dead too we could?

He shook his head with disbelief. This was unbelievable. He didn’t recognise the woman who had written these things - the woman who he’d put on a pedestal all of his life. This woman wasn’t his mother - she wasn’t this person. His mother was nice. Or rather, he’d thought she was nice...

Robert had always held his mother with the greatest respect and admiration for raising two young children as a widower. But her husband dying and leaving her pregnant wasn’t exactly what had happened. Peter Adams wasn’t the one who’d got her pregnant the second time and neither had he died. He’d been murdered. Murdered by her lover – Michael Pointer – his father.

The name echoed loudly around his head and he took another long swig directly from the gin bottle, hating the bitter taste. But no amount of bitter-tasting gin was as foul as the taste the contents of this notebook was leaving in his mouth.

And she was wishing ‘S’ dead? Pointer’s wife? Did Pointer kill her too?

Robert feverishly turned the page:

25th Dec

This will be the last Xmas I will spend without M. We’ll be a proper family by next year.

2th8 Jan

Maidenhead is so different to Soho and I don’t like it. I want to return as soon as it’s safe to do so. M is still there. Wish he was here with me. I can’t wait much longer. The way is clear so why hasn’t he come?

Robert frowned. So she’d moved? Moved to Footlights or somewhere else in Maidenhead? Why Maidenhead? He backtracked a few pages, but there were no additional explanations.

30th Mar

One last job (again) and then M’s coming. I’m lonely and the house is too big.

Helen is growing to look more like P every day. Makes me sick. Wish she was in the same place as her father!

He sighed, his breath ragged. His mother had wanted Helen dead? Feeling light-headed he read the entry again. What job was she referring to? Pointer worked at the Feathers - she’d told him that the other night, but who did he work for and as what? What on earth was he, or both of them involved in?

28th Apr

Counting the days!

10th May

M doing another job tonight and promises faithfully this is the last, one EVER. And it’s a BIG one! The one to make everything possible. I have to believe him.

Baby restless. It’s definitely a boy! I’m getting as big as this house and will pop before the month’s out, I’m sure! Ha ha!

Another reference to a job? Robert’s heart picked up pace. What was this Michael Pointer doing? Killing people? Stealing? What?

17th May

Had an argument because I want M here, but found out tonight that it’s finally happening. Also discovered M bought Footlights for ME! For us. He’s so clever – making it look like it came from P’s insurance.

But it’s even better than that. M’s just left to return to Soho for the FINAL time. He’s telling JP he’s retiring. He’s leaving the firm. Yes, LEAVING! Thanks to M we’ve got more than enough now. Plus more. And I’ve been trusted with it all! Can’t explain how excited I am.

Robert put the notebook down and stared at the wall, shaking his head in confusion. This was crazy! Peter’s death, this house; Pointer – his job. A firm? And they’d ‘got more than enough’? What? Money?

And Michael was retiring from JP’s firm? Whoever JP was? Oh, Christ, this was way too messed up.

Robert wiped the sheen of perspiration off his forehead with the back of his hand.

18th May

Waiting to hear from M. He was supposed to call to tell me how it went with JP.

3th June

Haven’t seen M. I’m worried. He’d better not miss this baby being born. It will be any day now.

Robert frowned and turned the page impatiently. That was it? Nothing else? That was the last entry? He flicked through the remaining pages just to make sure he hadn’t missed anything. No, there was definitely nothing else.

He slumped back against the sofa in bewilderment. His mother had been sleeping with a man who had arranged to remove her husband from the planet, making it look like a tragic accident to boot. And as for the rest?

What sort of woman was she? Not the woman he’d spent his life believing she was, that was for sure because she’d been stupid enough to spell the real truth out in black and white.

Sixteen

DESPITE THE ALTERNATING cold then hot shower he’d had this morning, Jonah knew he looked rough because he felt nastier than a badger’s arsehole.

Lena slamming the door around 2am when she returned from the function at the Feathers had jolted him from his drunken sleep on the sofa, but even then

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