The Tenant of Wildfell Hall Anne BrontĂ« (librera reader .txt) đ
- Author: Anne Brontë
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But while I considered in what manner I could best frame my request, my companion, wakened from her reverie with a scarcely audible sigh, and looking towards the window, where the blood-red harvest moon, just rising over one of the grim, fantastic evergreens, was shining in upon us, saidâ ââGilbert, it is getting late.â
âI see,â said I. âYou want me to go, I suppose?â
âI think you ought. If my kind neighbours get to know of this visitâ âas no doubt they willâ âthey will not turn it much to my advantage.â It was with what the vicar would doubtless have called a savage sort of smile that she said this.
âLet them turn it as they will,â said I. âWhat are their thoughts to you or me, so long as we are satisfied with ourselvesâ âand each other. Let them go to the deuce with their vile constructions and their lying inventions!â
This outburst brought a flush of colour to her face.
âYou have heard, then, what they say of me?â
âI heard some detestable falsehoods; but none but fools would credit them for a moment, Helen, so donât let them trouble you.â
âI did not think Mr. Millward a fool, and he believes it all; but however little you may value the opinions of those about youâ âhowever little you may esteem them as individuals, it is not pleasant to be looked upon as a liar and a hypocrite, to be thought to practise what you abhor, and to encourage the vices you would discountenance, to find your good intentions frustrated, and your hands crippled by your supposed unworthiness, and to bring disgrace on the principles you profess.â
âTrue; and if I, by my thoughtlessness and selfish disregard to appearances, have at all assisted to expose you to these evils, let me entreat you not only to pardon me, but to enable me to make reparation; authorise me to clear your name from every imputation: give me the right to identify your honour with my own, and to defend your reputation as more precious than my life!â
âAre you hero enough to unite yourself to one whom you know to be suspected and despised by all around you, and identify your interests and your honour with hers? Think! it is a serious thing.â
âI should be proud to do it, Helen!â âmost happyâ âdelighted beyond expression!â âand if that be all the obstacle to our union, it is demolished, and you mustâ âyou shall be mine!â
And starting from my seat in a frenzy of ardour, I seized her hand and would have pressed it to my lips, but she as suddenly caught it away, exclaiming in the bitterness of intense afflictionâ ââNo, no, it is not all!â
âWhat is it, then? You promised I should know some time, andâ ââ
âYou shall know some timeâ âbut not nowâ âmy head aches terribly,â she said, pressing her hand to her forehead, âand I must have some reposeâ âand surely I have had misery enough today!â she added, almost wildly.
âBut it could not harm you to tell it,â I persisted: âit would ease your mind; and I should then know how to comfort you.â
She shook her head despondingly. âIf you knew all, you, too, would blame meâ âperhaps even more than I deserveâ âthough I have cruelly wronged you,â she added in a low murmur, as if she mused aloud.
âYou, Helen? Impossible?â
âYes, not willingly; for I did not know the strength and depth of your attachment. I thoughtâ âat least I endeavoured to think your regard for me was as cold and fraternal as you professed it to be.â
âOr as yours?â
âOr as mineâ âought to have beenâ âof such a light and selfish, superficial nature, thatâ ââ
âThere, indeed, you wronged me.â
âI know I did; and, sometimes, I suspected it then; but I thought, upon the whole, there could be no great harm in leaving your fancies and your hopes to dream themselves to nothingâ âor flutter away to some more fitting object, while your friendly sympathies remained with me; but if I had known the depth of your regard, the generous, disinterested affection you seem to feelâ ââ
âSeem, Helen?â
âThat you do feel, then, I would have acted differently.â
âHow? You could not have given me less encouragement, or treated me with greater severity than you did! And if you think you have wronged me by giving me your friendship, and occasionally admitting me to the enjoyment of your company and conversation, when all hopes of closer intimacy were vainâ âas indeed you always gave me to understandâ âif you think you have wronged me by this, you are mistaken; for such favours, in themselves alone, are not only delightful to my heart, but purifying, exalting, ennobling to my soul; and I would rather have your friendship than the love of any other woman in the world!â
Little comforted by this, she clasped her hands upon her knee, and glancing upward, seemed, in silent anguish, to implore divine assistance; then, turning to
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