Fix J. Mann (readera ebook reader .txt) 📖

polish

that afternoon.

I wrap my arms around

my brace, the only

thing holding me

together.

Without it

my heart, my lungs, my intestines

would splash out

onto the stained brown carpet.

When I blink, Lidia

and I are standing

in the hall

alone.

“Lid!” I croak.

She looks up and

smiles that Lidia smile that shows up in

her eyes even more than

her mouth.

“Eve,” she says. “You

look great!”

My heart soars.

Soars.

“Lidia, Lidia, Lidia,”

I sing.

“Eve,” she

groans. But it’s her

loving groan. I

love her

loving groan.

I struggle

to hold back

a hundred more happy

Lidias

while she swings

her backpack over her shoulder, and

using her new hand,

slams the metal locker

shut.

The bell is ringing. I look around at Ms. Kisner’s office, hearing the scratchy sound of the cot paper beneath my head. The halls fill with whoops and shouts—end-of-the-day kinds of whoops and shouts. I lie on the cot, knowing I’ve been here all along.

The Real One

You stood before the credits

started to roll. Jayden stood,

too, stretching slowly, like he was

some sort of grandfather

leaving his overstuffed chair

after hours of watching TV.

I waited for Nick to stand,

but he didn’t.

He kept his eyes on the screen

like he was super-interested in the credits,

though I knew he was

just putting off reentry into a world where he

might have to interact

with me. So I stood—

using Jayden’s technique—

pretending to stretch.

I peeked over but

purposely avoided your eye.

Knowing you wouldn’t want me

looking at you, making sure you were okay.

Because you

were okay.

You were

always okay.

Finally,

Nick rose to his feet with a long sigh,

as if I needed

another signal

that this night wasn’t going

well for him.

Although, even in this act of standing,

Nick took his time,

and Jayden,

at an obvious loss for what to do

with these extra moments,

turned around in the aisle and

adjusted the black fedora

at a jaunty angle

on your head.

You smiled up at him

from under the brim, and

my heart nearly exploded.

That smile. The one that showed up more in your eyes

than your mouth, a smile that said,

The whole fucking world is mine.

It’s all mine.

How could he not be in awe of you?

I’d always been in awe of you.

I followed Nick up the aisle and

through the theater hallway

toward the front concession stand

without looking back. I

wanted to look back. I was

dying to look back.

I also felt

completely weird

shuffling after this absolute asshole

who refused to acknowledge my existence.

So when you called out for me to wait,

I was thrilled.

You needed to use the bathroom.

I did, too,

though I didn’t feel like

I had enough power to ask.

This was the difference between us,

Lidia.

Power.

You were so

powerful.

You called me back

and I came.

You called Jayden and Nick back

and they came.

We left them standing

across from the bathrooms

by a giant cardboard cutout of

two cartoon aliens. Nick

crumpled to the carpeted floor

next to the advertisement. Jayden

leaned against the windowsill, arms folded.

You and I

headed in.

Just before the door closed,

you playfully took the hat from your head and

tossed it over to Jayden.

“Think fast.” You laughed.

He caught it and

grinned.

Take Me Somewhere

IT’S QUIET IN THE NURSE’S BATHROOM AND SAFE FROM THE after-school hordes streaming through the hallways. Safe. Sitting on the closed toilet seat. All I need to do is stay in this bathroom. Five more minutes? Six? Who knows how long it takes to change everything.

But bathrooms are temporary. You can’t stay in them forever.

“You all right in there?” Nurse Kisner calls, proving my point.

“Yes.” My voice bounces off the close walls, shocking me.

Temporary.

But I’m not ready to leave.

Still playing at normalcy, I begin to fool around with my hair in the mirror. Pulling out my hair tie, I fluff it up a bit. Yet it hangs all wonky, so I twist it back on top of my head in the same messy bun I had it up in when I entered. My eyes pass quickly over my face and land on my brace.

It’s difficult to see how different I look with it on. Difficult, though not impossible.

Nineteen degrees.

The Velcro echoes off the tile. My shirt, a wrinkled mess. I pull it over my head. Toss it on top of the brace sitting upright on the floor, leaving me in a body sock and sweats. A body sock hugging my body. My body that is different. I look different. Everything is different. Just like she knew it would be.

I’m back in my brace with my shirt on and another half a Roxy in my mouth before I even remember doing it. I suck on this one. Wanting to punish myself for the incredible feeling already pulsing through me that everything is right in the world, yet… I’m sitting locked in a bathroom. And the funny thing is, even this thought can’t break through the everything’s-right-in-the-world feeling.

Picturing him out there waiting. That breaks through. A bit. And I suck harder on my Roxy.

“Miss Abbott? Either you come out or I come in.”

He is leaning on a light-gray minivan under the portico, between a line of yellow buses. Reading a book. His long hair is tied back, and his gold-framed glasses sit at the end of his nose. He’s completely absorbed, although the din under the massive portico is wild with shouts, laughter, and the deafening roar of the last school buses pulling out.

He? Him? Thomas Aquinas? Do I care who?

No. I don’t. I do. I do care.

I’m just about to turn around, find another bathroom to never come out of when he looks up. His eyes find mine, and I don’t turn around.

I walk slowly toward him,

confident,

because I am looking out

through the grinning

teeth of a hamburger.

He stares back at me,

with a straight-on smile.

Acknowledgment.

Approval.

Acceptance.

“Better than a motorcycle?” he asks, waving his hand at the minivan behind him.

“Not much.”

My body is stiff—not from metal rods and plates but from fear.

“You really are a complete coconut, Eve.” He laughs as he takes my backpack from me and opens my door.

I need to place my hand on his forearm to hoist myself up into the van. The warmth of him creeps right up my arm, through my chest, and up into my neck and cheeks. I let go,