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physical for me. This step was backward. I couldn’t be with Kelyn physically unless I bonded with him in other ways first.

Uniting two souls by creating certain links was emrys law before a couple could share intimacy. And I didn’t know if an immortal could perform these bonds with a human.

And I didn’t love him like that. I loved him as the man he was, but he wasn’t right for me. I wasn’t right for him.

“Oh, Kelyn,” I said.

“I know you’re scared. I know you’re afraid of losing me, but can’t our life together be wonderful? I want to wake up beside you every day. I want to see your radiant smile and know it’s just for me. I want a life with you.”

“I need to think. This is very soon. Your world is so new.”

“I understand. You can have as much time as you want.” He kissed my hand.

I didn’t expect his understanding. This was a relief.

“Uh, Niawen…?” His strength gave out, and he crumpled to all fours.

I wrapped my arms around his shaking frame. “Kelyn.”

“The only consent I need right now is that you’ll help me down these stairs,” he whispered.

I laughed. “Of course. Of course.”

“Thank you, my Niawen.”

TWENTY-NINE

I rounded the corner on my way to the third-floor library. Tiwlip passed through the doorway. When she saw my face, she burst into tears and brushed past me.

“Tiwlip!” I shouted.

Kenrik emerged. “Let her go.”

“You didn’t do it, did you?” My thoughts flashed to our talk. I instantly knew from Tiwlip’s expression that she thought Kenrik turned her down because of me.

“I had to. She’ll hate me all winter, but it’ll be for the best.”

The best for whom? Kenrik was unattached. I was fair game for him.

Kenrik followed me into the library and watched me browse the books. “You’re moping about something.”

“I am not.” I am too.

“You can’t fool me. Kelyn asked you, didn’t he?”

My fingers bumped over the spines. “He told you he did.”

“No. He didn’t. He’s become wise to… uh, never mind.” Kenrik took slow steps, with his hands clasped behind his back.

Your feelings. Your feelings for me. “I’m not oblivious, Kenrik.”

His face fell. “Of course you’re not.”

“You revealed the depths of your devotion when you met Seren.”

“I was pledging myself to you. That’s what a loyal friend does.”

That’s what someone who loves you does. “Your words meant more than that.” I pulled a book off the shelf, not the least bit interested in it. I smoothed my fingertips over the leather and the stamped title, trying to think of a reason I shouldn’t want Kenrik to like me.

Two reasons.

Tiwlip and Kelyn.

I don’t need romance.

But I wanted Kenrik’s attentions. I turned the book between my palms.

As a friend. Only as a friend.

Kenrik perched on the edge of a heavy, oak library table and arched his brows at me. “You didn’t realize the extent of my feelings until I slipped up the other day.”

“I’ve been preoccupied.” Preoccupied with death. Obsessed with Kelyn’s almost death. “I’m usually more astute.”

“Is that an emrys thing?” He tried to pull the book from my hands because I was worrying the corners. His fingers brushed mine as I tugged without thinking.

Kenrik released his grip, unsuccessful.

“Yes.” I sighed. I should have been more diligent in scrutinizing the feelings of every mortal I came across. I should have been more careful not to encourage their inklings of feelings.

That was pointless. I couldn’t hold off Owein or Kelyn or Kenrik, whether I knew their feelings or not. Besides, mortals didn’t always know when someone had feelings for them. So many of them were blind to the attentions from others. Maybe ignorance was bliss. Oh, to be a mortal. In the future, I could wait for endearing sentiments to be expressed and pretend I didn’t know.

I wouldn’t feel guilty for leading anyone on.

Too late for Kenrik.

He snickered. “You haven’t given Kelyn an answer?”

I slammed the book down on the table beside Kenrik, slamming decision down with it. “No.”

I was going to ignore all the emotions and just enjoy life. I was tired of juggling.

Kenrik grinned. “Good.”

THIRTY

Kelyn’s men had returned. After Kelyn and I were sent off on Seren, they followed the tracks of the men I killed, back to the hideout, and finished them off. Not many foes were left to guard the place. Most had been sent on the raid, and then they met me, who granted a quick demise for those who didn’t deserve it.

At least eradicating the rabble was an end to Lord Mathonwy’s problem.

I was a hero.

It was nauseating.

Everyone in the palace praised me. Those who passed me in the halls greeted me with enthusiasm. I was one of them. I had saved their people and their crown prince.

Only Kenrik knew how I suffered, and only Kenrik allowed me to grieve. We spent many hours alone as he hid from Tiwlip, and I, from everyone else. Sometimes we sat in silence, and he never expected me to put on the face I showed everyone else.

Especially the face I showed Kelyn.

Every time I was near Kelyn, my pulse raced. Not just from thoughts of his touch, but mostly from thoughts of his death. I couldn’t stop thinking about how his heart fought to beat with the arrow lodged in it. How the hardest-working organ in Kelyn’s body refused to quit fighting, all the while tearing the hole larger with its efforts.

I couldn’t cast the image from my mind.

Kelyn found me at the end of each day, after his duties were finished, and we strolled in the windowed hallway on the west side. It was a sunroom, but the sun had

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