Reaper's Salvation: A Last Riders Trilogy Jamie Begley (fb2 epub reader .txt) 📖

“He never asked for your love.” Ginny inwardly defended Gavin from her rising disappointment at his failure to admit any feelings for her.

At first, it was like a needle, or like a splinter trapped under her skin, but each day, his lack of giving any positive feedback when she shared her feelings with him grew worse until she felt as if a knife was being plunged into her heart. She thought any emotion he gave her would be enough; however, making love with him had changed her. She wanted more.

“He never promised you more,” she reproached herself.

The first night they made love had been miraculous. It was a springboard to her burgeoning hopes. The next morning, she’d gone through a setback when he hadn’t discussed Taylor. Then, when he showed up at the airport with proof of a marriage that didn’t exist, her hopes rose again, and they had risen even higher yesterday. But having sex with Gavin last night had been different than the first time. What little piece of himself he gave her the last night he retrenched in the bright light of today. Considering her deception, she should have expected it, but it still hurt that he thought she might be playing him to suit her own needs.

Her chaotic thoughts had her uncrossing her arms to link her hands together as if to pray. Then she rubbed her knuckles back and forth over her forehead.

Whereas Trudy had to live with the ghost of Dalton’s previous wife, Oceane wasn’t coming back to take Dalton away. Taylor would always be one step away, anytime she wanted to place herself back in Gavin’s life. His determined presence here could be solely a simple act of gratitude for taking the heat off The Last Riders. She risked her life for Gavin’s freedom, and he knew it. If they were lucky enough to return to their normal lives, his gratitude would eventually wane, leaving her in a one-sided relationship—that Gavin could end without warning. Or even worse, he could continue being with her while secretly wishing she was Taylor. Did she love him enough to stay with him even though his heart would never be hers?

She pressed her knuckles harder against her forehead. She honestly didn’t know, which is why she told him you can only shake a fruit tree so long before it would quit giving fruit. Ginny considered herself a strong person, but she didn’t know if she was strong enough to keep telling Gavin she loved him without even getting an “I like you” in response! She had told him he was chasing after fool’s gold with Taylor, and she believed that with her whole heart. If she hung on long enough, maybe Gavin would see it too.

Before making love with her, Gavin told her that he believed they were soul mates. She now clung to the image of his face when he moved the sheet aside—when he confessed that he believed. Did saying it mean he truly believed it in his heart of hearts? Does he still love Taylor? Does he love me? She just didn’t know.

Was she the one chasing fool’s gold?

“Are you praying?”

Startled, Ginny dropped her hands before turning at the sound of his voice coming from the bedroom doorway. “No, I was just thinking,” she said truthfully.

“Seemed to me you were praying.”

Ginny pushed her hands into the overly large silk bathrobe she found in the bathroom. “I don’t pray anymore.”

She noticed a subtle shift in his attitude since he left to take a shower. His face was now impassive, and he had a standoffish attitude she could feel over short distance separating them.

“Because of what Killyama told you?”

“Kind of useless, isn’t it?” Ginny shrugged, removing her hands from her pockets to pick up the remote from the coffee table. Plopping down on the couch, she turned the television on.

Gavin moved to stand next to the coffee table, alternating between watching her and looking at the television as she switched channels. “Why is it useless?”

“Because I’m still working through some issues with Him.”

“Exactly how much did Killyama tell you?” He nodded as if her issue was understandable.

“Are you going to be angry at Killyama if I tell you?”

“Depends on what you’re going to tell me.”

Ginny decided on not telling him, since one of his eyelids was already beginning to twitch.

“You can pick something for us to watch. I’m going to take a shower and get dressed.” Placing the remote down, she started to rise when Gavin sat down next to her and pressed a hand to her thigh, stopping her.

“Were you particularly religious before?”

“Not like Willa—I can’t quote Bible verses—but I believed, if you prayed hard enough, that He would protect you.”

“You don’t believe that anymore?”

“No, I don’t. I thought you were dead, because I couldn’t feel you anymore. I thought He was taking care of you in heaven. He wasn’t. I know you prayed for His help, and He made you wait too long. I’m having a hard time forgiving Him for that.”

“How do you know I prayed to Him?”

“Who wouldn’t in the situation you were in? Even if you didn’t have a ton of faith, you would be desperate enough to pray. Didn’t you?” she asked.

“More times than I can count,” he revealed.

“See? That’s my issue with Him.”

“Ginny, your faith in God shouldn’t be decided on me.”

“Why not? What happens to you happens to me.”

Gavin studied her in silence, his remoteness easing. “Why do you have to make everything so fucking hard?” Giving an overly loud sigh of frustration, he stared at her intently. “Every time I make a fucking decision concerning you, you warp my brain with your cockamamie reasoning.”

The knife in her heart twisted. “What decision did you make about me?” Was he about to tell her that he regretted having sex with her or coming with her to Clindale Island?

“Nothing. It no longer matters.” Removing his hand from her thigh, Gavin reached for the remote.