Club You to Death Anuja Chauhan (best ebook reader for ubuntu .TXT) 📖

at his blackened eye. ‘You call this a khat-pat? It was assault – pure and simple! And now he’s dead! Chalo, he got what he deserved!’ He utters a loud neigh of laughter.

‘You are saying he had it coming?’ Bhavani Singh murmurs encouragingly.

Khurana seems to swell up before his eyes. ‘Aji, the fellow was a bloody troublemaker! Slithered in out of nowhere, shaking his bum, and made all the women unsatisfied with their husbands! None of us were getting any action in the night any more because the chap wanted only well-rested, “fresh” maal for Zumba at dawn! And not just Zumba – he was giving them all “personal training” too, if you please, touching their upper arms and bellies and hips, and tsk-tsking about how soft it all was! Sab kuch ekdum cool and professional on top, but underneath oho, underneath it was all salsa and lalsa and goodbye Guru ji ka khalsa! Naturally we chaps got hassled.’

‘Naturally, naturally,’ murmurs Bhavani, as Khurana sits back, breathing heavily. He adjusts his cap which makes him look even more ape-like, then winks at the policeman.

‘But I’m a chap who’s all for healthy competition, ACP. Matthew had raised the bar for sure, so I just told myself: Mukki beta, you’d better raise your game too! Your wife’s a lovely woman and you’ve always been a plain chap, but you owe it to her to at least stay in shape!! So what I did was, I zoomed in on Thampi. He’s a smart, respectful fellow and he knows all the tricks of the trade. I took him aside and I told him my goals. It’s been seven months now, and just see what he’s done with me! Wonders!’

He flexes his biceps. Bhavani dutifully makes wordless noises of appreciation. Mukki beams.

‘And so yesterday, when the chance came for a direct confrontation with that item numbar, I played it on the front foot. I wasn’t going to back down in front of that ape! Urvashi pretended to be angry with me later, but I know she was impressed. A woman wants a man to be a man, you know – she may say that she doesn’t, but at the end of the day, she’ll never respect you if she thinks you’re weak – either mentally or physically.’

‘You are so right!’ Bhavani applauds the noble sentiment, then leans forward and asks invitingly, ‘So what exactly was the argument about, Khurana sa’ab?’

Khurana’s face purples. ‘The whole thing was disgraceful! The tambola was clearly rigged!’

‘Rigged?’ Bhavani’s voice holds just the correct amount of concern and wonder. ‘How?’

Khurana puffs out his chest. ‘That all I don’t know! But the entire admin department of the Club, starting from that wretched Srivastava, is corrupted! The bloody clerks are all on the bloody take!’

‘The clerks?’

‘Yes! Take this cottage we’re sitting in, for instance! It’s empty, isn’t it? That’s why you’re sitting in it! But if you go online and check, it says all the guest cottages are booked for the next six months! Why?’

‘Why, sir?’

Khurana’s eyes bug out. ‘Because the booking clerks want a bribe, that’s why!’

Bhavani makes distressed clicking noises with his tongue.

Khurana continues, ‘Urvi wants to clean up all their shady rackets, that’s why they’re shitting bricks at the thought of her becoming president!’

‘Sir, but the argument wasn’t only about the tambola, was it?’ Bhavani says blandly. ‘There was some talk of sharing – or not sharing … Can you please tell us about that?’

Mukki stares at him suspiciously for a while, then decides to give him the benefit of the doubt.

‘There has been some talk … about a chakkar between my wife and Leo,’ he admits huffily. ‘The typical stuff – people can’t stand to see a well-adjusted couple, so they say all kinds of things. I should have known better, of course, but I was already angry about the obvious rigging, and I’d had a few beers, so when he made that vulgar crack, I hit him.’ He adds with a touch of pride, ‘Quite hard, actually. You must have seen the bruises on his face, eh?’

‘O yes!’ says Bhavani Singh, who had seen nothing of the sort.

Khurana smiles smugly. ‘That’s why I didn’t file a police complaint. Yesterday, people kept telling me to file a case of assault and battery, but I thought, what if they see the injuries on his face and book me instead, eh? What then?’

‘Indeed, sir.’

Mukki adjusts his cap again, looking gratified. ‘I’m smart that way. Large-hearted too! I didn’t want to destroy the fellow’s life! He must be having a hand-to-mouth existence – running from here to there, making ladies dance! So I thought, I’ve taught him a sharp lesson and that’s enough!’

‘You were so large-hearted with Thampi also, sir,’ Bhavani adds smoothly. ‘You let him leave early for his girlfriend’s birthday …’

Mukki nods. ‘Yes, I still had ten minutes to go on the treadmill, so I offered to shut the place down for him. It was a bit irregular, I suppose, but he looked so desperate that I said theek hai yaar, tu ja. I’ve been young, I remember what it’s like to have a girlfriend with a birthday! I finished with the treadmill, shut off the lights, locked the door and left. Then I dropped the keys into the locked box at the reception. All that must be on the CCTV camera – your fellows must have checked it by now?’

He looks at Bhavani with wide-eyed innocence.

Bhavani shakes his head gravely. ‘Unfortunately, sir, a bunch of gas balloons came loose, floated up and blocked the camera for half an hour, starting from quarter-to to quarter-past midnight.’

‘What!’ Khurana’s jaw sags. ‘What nonsense! Bhatti’s famous “command centre” took half an hour to react? All the guards were warming their bums on their heaters, I suppose! I told you this place is slackly run!’

‘Er … sir, what were you doing when this happened?’ Bhavani asks. ‘Matlab you were right there, inside the gym – didn’t you notice that the balloons were obscuring the