Influenced Eva Robinson (polar express read aloud .TXT) 📖

Rowan had sent her over only because she wanted to show her—again—that she could take any man she wanted from her.

There it was again, that ringing rising in her ears.

I’d rather die, Tom had said.

“Yes, you seem awfully broken up about your friend’s death,” said Hannah, unable to hide her sarcasm.

The world fell silent again, as both Rowan and Daniel stared at her.

“Sorry,” she said quietly.

Hannah’s hands were shaking, and she stood and slipped into her shoes. Silently, she crossed the grass, heading back to the porch.

Clearly it was time for her to go, as Rowan still seemed to have the ability to rattle her.

She didn’t meet anyone’s eye as she climbed the curving stairs up to the porch. She searched through the darkness for her purse and felt a rush of relief when she pulled her phone out. No missed calls from Luke.

A hand gripped her arm, and she spun around.

“What was that about?” Rowan stood behind her, her arms folded.

Hannah supposed she might as well tell the truth. “You told me to speak to Daniel, and that I might like him. And then just as we were making plans together, you sat in his lap and wrapped your arms around him, and you pretty much looked like you were going to make out with him. What was that? A power play of some kind?”

“Daniel and I are just old friends. Honestly, I didn’t realize you were wound quite that tightly. I didn’t realize that any man you were interested in wasn’t allowed to talk to other women. It’s a little controlling, don’t you think?”

Why was she talking so loudly? This was mortifying. Was she on something? Hannah shot a panicked look down at the garden, wondering if anyone else could hear. “Can we just forget it, Rowan?”

“I’m just trying to help you come out of your shell, so you’re not permanently blending into the shadows. But if you like Daniel that much, just ask him out.”

Frustration simmered, and Hannah took a step closer. “Can you lower your voice?”

Rowan leaned against the rail, her dark curls caught in the wind. By her blithe expression, she didn’t even seem to realize that Hannah was angry. “What are you so worried about? Listen, Hannah. You need to free yourself from the judgment of society. Believe me, I know. Do you know I have a whole theory about people from Massachusetts never moving on from the Puritan era? Like we’re still the Putnam girls accusing Goody Brown of sending a ghost to tweak their nipples—”

“What are you talking about?” There it was again—that ringing in Hannah’s ears, the anger rising like a tide.

Rowan smiled, her eyes dancing. “Ooh, Hannah’s angry. You are coming out of your shell. That’s exciting. I needed to get your blood pumping a bit.”

Only then did Hannah realize she’d grabbed Rowan’s arm, and that Rowan was leaning back away from her, arched over the bannister.

Rowan’s lips curled in a sly smile. “What really happened on the bridge with Tom?”

God, the noise in Hannah’s mind was so loud that she could hardly hear her own thoughts, and her body felt like it was vibrating. “Shut your mouth!” It came out like a snarl, and Hannah didn’t even recognize her own voice.

“Don’t be mad,” said Rowan. “You just need to get things off your chest. I need to get things off my chest too. I have these secrets, Hannah.” She shifted forward, grabbing Hannah’s forearms. “And do you know what? I feel like they’re making me rot from the inside out. Secrets aren’t good for anyone.”

Rowan’s eyes had a wild look in them, and now Hannah was sure she was high. She supposed that might explain all the weird behavior.

“You should unleash your secrets,” added Rowan. “Tell the truth.”

Hannah took a deep, shaking breath. “The truth was, I was in love with Tom, but that was a long time ago. And here’s what matters now. I never sleep anymore, Rowan. I never sleep more than a few hours at a time, and I’m losing my mind. I get weekends to myself when Luke takes Nora, but I still wake up at four. And I stare at my plain walls, and I wish I was somewhere else, and that I was someone else. And sometimes I wonder how things would be different if I didn’t have Nora. Would I be less lonely? I love her more than anything, but we only talk about applesauce and diaper changes, and it’s just me and the walls, and my clock ticking on. And when I have time away from her, I’m too tired to move off my sofa. And I’m invisible, and I always have been, and sometimes it feels like I’ve already died. I’m a ghost moving through life and time is just slipping on by. There you go. That’s the truth.”

Rowan pulled her in for a hug. “You really should try to get more sleep, then.”

Hannah inhaled, realizing that she had tears streaking down her cheeks. They would be making rivulets of black eye makeup. “Absolutely. I’ll start tonight.”

There was no way she was going back down to the garden looking like a Kiss reject. She pulled away from the hug. “I’m going to head to bed early. I’ll talk to you later.”

As Hannah turned to leave, Rowan grabbed her arm—hard—and jerked her backward. “But I’m not done with you yet.”

Twenty-Three

Rowan’s pulse echoed off her own skull. When she opened her eyes, the light went straight into her brain through her eyeballs.

Something terrible happened last night, didn’t it? I did something terrible.

A loud noise seemed to vibrate through the floor, through the walls, into her jaw.

Anxiety was making her heart slam against her ribs. Get it together, Ro.

Slowly, she pushed herself up, looking for her phone. But she wasn’t in her bed, and it wasn’t in its usual spot, next to her head. No, she’d slept on a pile of damp towels on her floor. Before falling asleep, she’d managed to