Let It Be Me Becky Wade (dar e dil novel online reading TXT) 📖

“Yeah, but he’s supposed to come up for parole soon. We’re hoping he finally gets out.”

She asked Ben to tell her more about Natasha and Genevieve, and he filled her in.

On this midweek night in early August, most of the restaurant’s seats were occupied by tourists enjoying summer vacations. The establishment had a crisp, modern atmosphere. Dark gray tiled floor, pops of lime green fabric, a white and silver lighting scheme.

Ben had offered to pick her up this evening, but she’d told him she’d meet him here. If he’d driven them, it would have given the evening a datelike feel. Also, she didn’t enjoy relying on others for rides. Doing so made her feel helpless, and she loathed feeling helpless.

For tonight’s outing, she’d chosen a full skirt and a sleeveless shirt printed with little yellow birds. He’d arrived looking slightly more formal in a green dress shirt, flat front pants, leather shoes.

They were situated at a cozy table for two. Eating out. Away from their usual environment of the school. Away from the rest of their teacher friends. Dressed in fancier clothing than normal.

She might be wrong, because she could never trust her conclusions about such things, but this did feel datelike to her, despite that she’d driven herself here.

As she met Ben’s beautiful eyes from across the table, her nerves stretched. The intimacy of this dinner was confirming for her that she still wanted the same thing she’d always wanted from Ben. Friendship.

The relationship they already had was not a small thing to her. It wasn’t as if she had a large and close-knit circle of adult friends. She had Tess and Rudy. Ben. And a few more casual friendships at school and church. That was it. She was more than grateful for their current relationship.

But the hopeful look on his face was substantiating what Sebastian had told her—that Ben wanted more. Which made her feel like an appalling human being because she truly, truly did not want to hurt him. He was one of the kindest people she’d ever met. Encouraging, thoughtful, supportive. Dozens of times he’d paved the way for her at Misty River High. He was a fantastic listener and, like Sebastian had pointed out, he was loyal.

She’d been eating with a fork, but now fiddled with the unused chopsticks lying next to her napkin.

“Is something wrong?” Ben asked.

“I . . . have an awkward question to ask you. Do you think our friendship can handle an awkward question or two?”

“Absolutely. What’s your question?”

She stilled the chopsticks, mounded her hands in her lap. “I’m interested in knowing if you like me as more than a friend.”

His head pulled back a few inches with surprise.

She waited.

“Come again?” he said.

“I’m interested in knowing if you like me as more than a friend.”

“Uh. Well.” He fidgeted. “What motivated you to ask that?”

“Curiosity. I’d like to be sensitive to where you’re coming from, but I can’t tell where you’re coming from. In order to find out, I have to ask.”

He gave her his thoughtful look, the one that he gave students when he wasn’t sure how to respond. “Do you like me as more than a friend?”

In her life, she’d often been too much of something for other people. Too much of a brainiac. Too nerdy. Too interested in things no one else was interested in.

Much of the journey God had taken her on so far was a journey toward accepting and then embracing who she was. In this case, being true to herself meant being honest with Ben. “I wish I could say yes. In fact, if I could create a software program that would calibrate a woman’s heart to want to date the most ideal man, then I’d calibrate my heart to want to date you. Of course, if I could create that program, I’d also revolutionize dating and make a mint. But that’s just an aside.”

His expression dimmed. The reaction was subtle, but telling.

“Do you like me as more than a friend?” she asked. “You haven’t answered my initial question.”

“I was kind of hoping you’d forgotten your initial question.”

“I don’t tend to forget things that are important.”

“If—if you’re asking if I’d like to see if this could lead to more, then the answer’s sure I would.”

He’d replied to that skillfully. He’d kept his admission relaxed and, in doing so, made this discussion easier for them both. He often did that—made things easier for her.

“But it sounds like you’re not into the idea of dating me,” he continued. “Which is cool.”

“I’m content with our friendship. In fact, I feel fortunate to have you as a friend.”

“Same here.”

“I’d hate for you to waste your time . . . waiting for me.”

“I won’t.” He gathered food onto his fork. “Should you ever come to your senses and want to go out with me, though, let me know.”

“Okay.”

“But I won’t hold my breath.”

“Best not to.”

“Because there are a lot of fish in the sea.”

“So many!”

“And a math genius for a girlfriend might come with a whole set of issues.”

“Now you’re thinking. When they handed me the menu earlier, I had a hard time concentrating on the food because I was busy rounding the dollar amounts of the items and adding them in my head.”

“Right. That would be super annoying to deal with.”

“I’m doing you a favor by taking my name off the list of contenders.”

He shot her a smile tinged with sadness.

I really am doing you a favor, she wanted to insist. He deserved someone who would love him wildly. Her intuition was telling her that God had someone picked out specifically for Ben.

However, that person was not her.

The next day, Sebastian sat alone in the staff break room at the hospital, his lunch on the table in front of him. He picked up his phone after it began to ring. Ben. “Hello?”

“Hey.”

Something was wrong. He could tell by the sound of his friend’s voice. “What’s the matter?” he asked, a tendril of fear sprouting in his stomach. Were