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when hordes of undead havenā€™t focused entirely on you for no apparent reason. Thereā€™s no sense behind it, because even if there is a divine, alien, or supernatural force behind the rise of the dead, what the hell makes me so bloody special?

I was nobody before the world collapsed, and now Iā€™m just a woman trying to survive like everybody else.

Maybe there is some wisdom in Nate and Norahā€™s advice. Iā€™m tying myself in knots trying to figure out the ā€œwhyā€ when Iā€™ve got no frame of reference or starting point to work with. For now, the undead have reverted back to their shambling see-human-eat-human randomness. I canā€™t go any further with my train of thought, considering the great dearth of any solid reason or extra knowledge, so I suppose I should drop it for the moment.

Iā€™ll try, but it wonā€™t be easy.

OCTOBER 25th, 2010

COME GET SOME

Iā€™m finding I leave bigger gaps of late. Weā€™ve been pretty busy, and truth be told, I get bored just recording every little event. Iā€™m not a historian, so Iā€™m sorry if you want all the tiny details Freya, but that just isnā€™t me. I write when I feel I have something of worth to write. If I need to scribble down some bullshit to order my thoughts, I do so. If Iā€™ve got a fantastical or interesting yarn to spin, then I do so.

Just clearing houses and assembling useful resources is now our ā€œbusiness as usualā€ mode, so unless there is something really amazing, intriguing, or harrowing to report from that task, I tend to just let it slide. I use my writing to either stimulate or settle my whirlwind of thoughts, and just writing down what we gathered that day, or how many undead we put down, isnā€™t really worth the effort.

Also, when I get back now, Iā€™m usually bone fucking weary.

Today, however, I have something of worth to write, as we found recent evidence of other survivors.

We tend to stick to clearing little cul-de-sacs, or clusters of upmarket housing on the edge of town. Our reasoning is that those places are more likely to have useful resources and if weā€™re going to spend precious bullets, weā€™re going to ensure there is at least some kind of payoff for it in terms of resource rewards. We need to spend some bullets so Nate can track the improvement in Alicia, Isaac, and Maria, as they need active firing experience with hostile targets.

Alicia is officially promoted to the A-team. That girl is a stone-cold slayer of the undead now. Sheā€™s calm, focused, and accurate, making every round count whether she goes with shotgun, pistol, or rifle. Nateā€™s been full of praise to her face and you can see the visible effect that validation has on her. She stands taller, shoulders back, and beaming with pride. Almost single-handed, Nate has managed to rebuild Aliciaā€™s sense of self-worth, and given her purpose.

Nateā€™s real skill isnā€™t how deadly he is with weapons. His real skill is bringing the best out of you. If youā€™re a dumb ass, heā€™ll tear you a brand-new asshole with his verbal assault. Equally, if youā€™re on point, heā€™s full of praise and you know that praise is genuine because heā€™s been so brutal in his criticism prior to it. It motivates the hell out of you because all you want is that nod and thumbs up. I know what Alicia is feeling right now because Iā€™ve felt it when Nate gives you that approval. It feels like you can take on the apocalypse with only a spork for a weapon.

Itā€™s also really great to have a third solid person to pull security. Alicia has really dropped into that soldier mentality though, and when weā€™re on mission sheā€™s even started referring to Nate as ā€˜sir.ā€™ He didnā€™t start it, it was something she decided to do herself, but he hasnā€™t discouraged it either.

ā€œIf it helps her stay focused, Iā€™m not going to stop her,ā€ was all he said when I asked him about it. Fair enough, I guess. She drops the formal address when weā€™re back at the lodge and heā€™s just back to being called Nate, so no harm, no foul.

Maria is a solid student, by the book, and no fucking about. All she gets is praise, and I expect nothing else from her to be honest. Sheā€™s not a toe-in-the-water kind of woman when she applies herself to a task. Sheā€™s more likely to run and yell, ā€œCannonball!ā€

Maria goes all in, or stays out, and with regards to firearms training and tactics, she is firmly entrenched.

Isaac is still playing catch-up to the two women, but heā€™s definitely improving. Since his slow fumbling a few days back, heā€™s clearly been focusing on all those checks, stance, safe draw, and all that jazz. Nate congratulated him on his application and Isaac just about prevented himself throwing out celebratory dance shapes. He was much more accurate, and you can see with each bullet fired that confidence is visibly taking shape. I reckon heā€™ll be okay.

All this is a precursor just for me to extol Nateā€™s awesomeness again. I hope he never reads my journal, because heā€™ll have all kinds of shit to use against me.

So, back to the survivor evidence.

While we were clearing houses on a little circle of nine fancy detached abodes, Alicia called out to us all after sheā€™d cleared one house of undead. We do the door-open-and-whistle test, trying to bait any undead to us so we can take them out safely in the open, rather than in the confines of a house. Nate and I can blast through a house as a duo now, but weā€™ve been doing it a while and know each other. The rest of them need proper training on that, and before we go there, Nate wants them all to be confident weapon users. Clearing buildings in a safe manner is a whole new set of lessons, so where we can, we

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