A Girl Like You vinnie Kinsella (best motivational books to read .txt) 📖

and when she came back to check, Bruce yelled ‘she said balsamic’ loud enough for everyone at the bar to hear. People in the parking lot probably heard.”

“OK, that’s not good.”

“Worst of all, it took forever to get his food because he ordered his burger well done. They brought it out charred and he sent it back to be cooked more. When it came out, it looked like black shoe leather.”

“Yikes.” I stood up, took her bowl, and loaded it into the dishwasher.

“There’s more! He had some burger stuck in his nasty teeth. He took the stirrer right out of my drink and used it as a toothpick.”

“OK, now that’s just disgusting. Did you run?”

“I didn’t want him paying for my salad, so I sat there until our bill came. He said he’d leave the tip if I paid the $58 bill, then he put $5 on the bar.”

“He will never be able to show his face in there again,” I said.

Madison put her head down on the kitchen table. Sensing despair, Penny came in and rubbed her back against Madd’s legs.

“Why do we put ourselves through this?”

“Online dating is only for the strong-willed,” I said, patting her head. “If we were weak, we’d have given up a long time ago.”

Then we both laughed, because we were in the same boat. But the boats, both of ours, were still very much afloat.

42

As hard as it was to believe, my best friend Eddie was turning sixty. I’d known him all my adult life but knew the best days for us were still ahead.

I called Eddie’s husband Donny, to say I wanted to throw a surprise party.

“I don’t know, Jess,” Donny said. “Eddie doesn’t really like surprises.”

“Of course he does! Remember when we said we were going to the beach, but we took him ziplining instead? And the time we got him those moose slippers?”

“OK, maybe you’re right, but let’s keep it small.”

“I know. He doesn’t like a big fuss made over him.”

A week later, the guest list was up to twenty-five people, so many that I moved the event from my house to the party room at Nick’s Tavern.

Amazon had so many “Over the Hill” gag gifts, I could hardly resist any of them.

It took two trips to the car to lug in all the decorations the Friday night of the party.

“Think you’ve gone a little over the top?” Madd asked, helping me blow up a life-sized inflatable walker for the elderly.

“Not really—do you?” I asked, tying black ribbons on helium balloons that said “Old as Shit.”

“Of course not, Mombo.”

“This looks fantastic,” Donny said, coming into the room carrying a huge sheet cake with “Aged to Perfection,” written in blue icing.

Ian was taping a poster up on the wall with photos showing Eddie from babyhood until his recent days, with a sign on top that said, “It Took 60 Years to Look This Good.”

Over the next twenty minutes, the room filled with people ready to help Eddie celebrate. Despite the invitation requesting no gifts, everyone brought presents to put in the black cardboard mock coffin on the gift table. Someone brought a giant magnifying glass for him to read his birthday cards.

One of Eddie’s neighbors brought an enormous cookie platter with messages piped in frosting that said “AARP,” “RIP Youth,” and “Old Geezer.”

I went out to the parking lot to wait for Eddie, who was coming under the ruse of having a quiet dinner with Donny, me, and the kids.

He pulled in right on the dot of 7:00.

“You wore my favorite Poe leggings!” Eddie said. “Love those ravens.”

“Happy birthday, honey.” I kissed his cheek.

“Thanks, chicky. Where’re the kids? Donny said he’s running a little late.”

“Inside getting a table,” I said, not looking at him because I was a terrible liar. “It’s crowded tonight; they’re seating us in the side room.”

“Starving,” Eddie said, rubbing his hands together. “What’s the special tonight? I could go for some good winey chicken.”

I opened the door to the party room and we stepped into complete darkness. Then someone flipped the light switch and the guests all hollered “Surprise!”

It startled me as much as Eddie, and I had already known they were there.

“I should have been more suspicious,” Eddie said, beaming nonetheless as he was swept into the crowd.

We toasted Eddie with champagne, then commenced with specialty cocktails. We all hooted while watching Eddie open his gifts, including emergency underpants, Senior Moments memory mints, a set of wind-up dentures, and a Potty Putter golf game. Madd and Ian put together a gift basket with Ben-Gay, a bag of prunes, Preparation H, and denture cleaner.

Eddie was a good sport all night long. He tried on the adult diapers, ate a prune, blew out the inferno of candles on his cake. By the end of the night, he looked a bit relieved as guests began to filter out and head home.

“Had enough being the man of the evening?” Ian asked, opening the tin of wintergreen Memory Mints and popping one into his mouth.

“It was great, but let’s not do it again for another sixty years.”

The song “Sea of Love” came over the sound system.

Donny held out his hand to Eddie, and they used the corner of the party room as a dance floor. Watching Donny and Eddie slow dancing made me believe there really was a match for everyone. And with the kids and friends like Eddie and Donny, it didn’t seem such an emergency to have that person show up on my doorstep ASAP. I wasn’t going to sit in my front porch rocking chair waiting. I was going to have a life.

A good life.

43

“Hi, AriesGurl. I like your profile and also like beaches and bonfires,” a message came across on a Thursday from Woodsman.

OK, so I’d never been on a beach at night with a fire. But I would love to.

I quickly pulled up Woodsman’s profile. Thankfully, he had more than one photo. But he was, of course, an outdoor fanatic. His pics showed him