Parnassus on Wheels Christopher Morley (no david read aloud txt) 📖

good book, and my eye was running along those shelves of his as I spoke. He certainly had a pretty miscellaneous collection. I noticed poetry, essays, novels, cook books, juveniles, school books, Bibles, and whatnot⁠—all jumbled together.

“Well, see here,” said the little man⁠—and about this time I noticed that he had the bright eyes of a fanatic⁠—“I’ve been cruising with this Parnassus going on seven years. I’ve covered the territory from Florida to Maine and I reckon I’ve injected about as much good literature into the countryside as ever old Doc Eliot did with his five-foot shelf. I want to sell out now. I’m going to write a book about ‘Literature Among the Farmers,’ and want to settle down with my brother in Brooklyn and write it. I’ve got a sackful of notes for it. I guess I’ll just stick around until Mr. McGill gets home and see if he won’t buy me out. I’ll sell the whole concern, horse, wagon, and books, for $400. I’ve read Andrew McGill’s stuff and I reckon the proposition’ll interest him. I’ve had more fun with this Parnassus than a barrel of monkeys. I used to be a school teacher till my health broke down. Then I took this up and I’ve made more than expenses and had the time of my life.”

“Well, Mr. Mifflin,” I said, “if you want to stay around I guess I can’t stop you. But I’m sorry you and your old Parnassus ever came this way.”

I turned on my heel and went back to the kitchen. I knew pretty well that Andrew would go up in the air when he saw that wagonload of books and one of those crazy cards with Mr. Mifflin’s poetry on it.

I must confess that I was considerably upset. Andrew is just as unpractical and fanciful as a young girl, and always dreaming of new adventures and rambles around the country. If he ever saw that travelling Parnassus he’d fall for it like snap. And I knew Mr. Decameron was after him for a new book anyway. (I’d intercepted one of his letters suggesting another “Happiness and Hayseed” trip just a few weeks before. Andrew was away when the letter came. I had a suspicion what was in it; so I opened it, read it, and⁠—well, burnt it. Heavens! as though Andrew didn’t have enough to do without mooning down the road like a tinker, just to write a book about it.)

As I worked around the kitchen I could see Mr. Mifflin making himself at home. He unhitched his horse, tied her up to the fence, sat down by the wood pile, and lit a pipe. I could see I was in for it. By and by I couldn’t stand it any longer. I went out to talk to that bald-headed pedlar.

“See here,” I said. “You’re a pretty cool fish to make yourself so easy in my yard. I tell you I don’t want you around here, you and your travelling parcheesi. Suppose you clear out of here before my brother gets back and don’t be breaking up our happy family.”

“Miss McGill,” he said (the man had a pleasant way with him, too⁠—darn him⁠—with his bright, twinkling eye and his silly little beard), “I’m sure I don’t want to be discourteous. If you move me on from here, of course I’ll go; but I warn you I shall lie in wait for Mr. McGill just down this road. I’m here to sell this caravan of culture, and by the bones of Swinburne I think your brother’s the man to buy it.”

My blood was up now, and I’ll admit that I said my next without proper calculation.

“Rather than have Andrew buy your old parcheesi,” I said, “I’ll buy it myself. I’ll give you $300 for it.”

The little man’s face brightened. He didn’t either accept or decline my offer. (I was frightened to death that he’d take me right on the nail and bang would go my three years’ savings for a Ford.)

“Come and have another look at her,” he said.

I must admit that Mr. Roger Mifflin had fixed up his van mighty comfortably inside. The body of the wagon was built out on each side over the wheels, which gave it an unwieldy appearance but made extra room for the bookshelves. This left an inside space about five feet wide and nine long. On one side he had a little oil stove, a flap table, and a cozy-looking bunk above which was built a kind of chest of drawers⁠—to hold clothes and such things, I suppose; on the other side more bookshelves, a small table, and a little wicker easy chair. Every possible inch of space seemed to be made useful in some way, for a shelf or a hook or a hanging cupboard or something. Above the stove was a neat little row of pots and dishes and cooking usefuls. The raised skylight made it just possible to stand upright in the centre aisle of the van; and a little sliding window opened onto the driver’s seat in front. Altogether it was a very neat affair. The windows in front and back were curtained and a pot of geraniums stood on a diminutive shelf. I was amused to see a sandy Irish terrier curled up on a bright Mexican blanket in the bunk.

“Miss McGill,” he said, “I couldn’t sell Parnassus for less than four hundred. I’ve put twice that much into her, one time and another. She’s built clean and solid all through, and there’s everything a man would need from blankets to bouillon cubes. The whole thing’s yours for $400⁠—including dog, cook stove, and everything⁠—jib, boom, and spanker. There’s a tent in a sling underneath, and an ice box (he pulled up a little trap door under the bunk) and a tank of coal oil and Lord knows what all. She’s as good as a yacht; but I’m tired of her. If you’re so afraid of your brother taking a fancy to her, why don’t you buy her yourself and