Seven Demons Aidan Truhen (reading an ebook TXT) 📖

the rain on the roof and in the morning early we wake to livestock and the natural world and I could stop here. I could just stop and be this person forever. I have a bajillion squidzillion euros and a new identity and a new face and why the fuck not who would look for Jack Price here now that he is dead?

Volodya would, I guess. But even he—I mean sooner or later you leave business undone.

He’d get it.

I wonder if Doc would—

Oink snuffle. OINK.

Sidebar I bought a pig farm. You will recall that Doc requires pigs for her evil plan and it is not easy to buy pigs individually just for shits and giggles especially in Europe where they care about the welfare of animals—

OINK snuffle oink OINK—

They say Hey Jack why do you want this pig? And you say that you want to use it to rob a mountain fortress and if you grant (what is obvious) that you do not know but it does not seem impossible that the pig will get exploded or liquidized (because: Doc) then they say you cannot have the pig in fact you cannot have any pig ever.

But if you say you want to buy a pig farm that is different because then it is obvious that the reason you want to buy a pig farm is that you want to farm pigs.

Oink snuffle oink.

Oink oink.

ZNNNEEEEzzzznaaaarrrrRRRR—

Oh yeah I also—

Oink snuffle oiZZZZORCH—

SQUEEEEEEEEE—

I also bought a—

ZORCH SQUEE ZORCH squee ZORCH gggggtttgg—

I have—

ZORCH splat.

…

…

…

I have also bought a hyperviolent Kircheisen door through a shell company in another shell company in another shell company and lalala. So now we have both pigs and robot death door.

Oink snuffle—

It turns out these things should not be stored in the same room.

SQUEEEEOINK SPLAT—

“Price!”

“Sorry Doc.”

“Stop killing my fucking pigs!”

“It was not me it was the—”

“Stop THE DOOR killing my fucking pigs—”

“You have A BAJILLION of them Doc plus also too they actually make more if you just leave them—”

“Not as quickly as you are nuking them—”

“I am not nuking them the door is not my responsibility I AM BANJO TELEMARK I do not sully myself with mere robbery for hire—”

“You are now also my pigman. Stop nuking the fucking pigs—”

“I really want a nuke like an actual nuke by the way—”

“NO we have discussed this. Also IF we had a nuke, which we will for many good and sufficient reasons NOT, do you think for one second you would be allowed to have the codes does that strike you as a good plan?”

“No now that you say it kinda not I guess I am not the guy you would—no basically you are the guy for—”

“I AM and I do not want one and do NOT change the subject my PIGS—”

“Bajillion pigs—”

“I have—I had—twenty-four Price now I have nine I need at least three at this rate I will have to buy more and people will fucking notice if we are getting through twenty-four pigs every three days that is—”

“It is the door Doc it is super-duper sensitive—”

ZORCH SPLAT—

“PRICE!”

“Charlie shut the door down for now just let the pigs eat.”

“All eight of them.”

“Sorry Doc.”

The X8 does not like Doc’s pigs at all.

Bad door.

—

Breakfast bacon. Not our bacon. Do you know nothing there is a whole curing technique this is bacon from—also too electrocuted pig is not always all that tasty there are hormones—

Bacon and fresh juice and horrible UHT milk in coffee and—

VoIP Incoming call.

For Doc.

Because I am dead.

Accept y/n?

y

Speaker on.

Doc says:

“Go ahead I am listening.”

“Doctor. It is Ottavio Leopold Calvanese.”

“A pleasure to speak to you.”

(Doc is looking at me because this is totally my fault.)

“Indeed so Doctor and yet you have presented me with something of a problem.”

“I have?”

“It does appear that you have murdered Mr. Sharkey.”

“I understood him to have exploded.”

“He did.”

“In fact our express preference was for a resumption of normal business practice after a lapse in his professional judgment. What happened is a matter for regret. I have no idea what exact chain of events might have precipitated such an outcome.”

“It is an interesting happenstance that he was somewhat at odds with you.”

“Correlation is not causation of course.”

“But you do possess a demolitions expert.”

“Doesn’t everyone?”

(Doc mutes the phone.)

“This is your fault.”

“Don’t give a fucking inch Doc.”

“I thought conciliatory.”

“No Doc not conciliatory fucking full force forward. If you blink he will fuck us.”

“I do not think so.”

“I do it is old-school alpha-male stuff I swear I swear I—wait okay—okay what would Volodya do if he was Calvanese?”

“…”

“…”

“Fine.”

(Unmute.)

“…Doctor…I was under the impression that this was to be a quiet venture.”

“So were we, Mr. Calvanese.”

“Let me be clear I will not tolerate further outrages.”

“I see.”

“You will restrain yourselves until you can decently depart the country.”

“I’m afraid we have business here.”

“You do not.”

“We do.”

“Regrettably Doctor I must insist.”

“Must you.”

“I must.”

“Since we are speaking in terms Mr. Calvanese I must ask you an indelicate question.”

“Please if it will clarify matters for you—”

“Were you involved in this?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I believe I was clear but in case I was not: my companions and I have recently lost a good friend to what we now know was a setup. We were brought here with an eye to our elimination. We take this very much amiss Mr. Calvanese and of course we do not imagine you would involve yourself in something so…low…but since we are now speaking without restraint—”

“O but we are not—”

“That is not an answer—”

“Well then no I was not involved but it occurs to me as the smooth flow of business is perturbed that I understand the urge—”

“It is not the urge that is the problem it is the indulgence.”

“Do not make this more difficult than it must be for either of us, dear lady.”

“…Ah?”

Well now it turns out I didn’t need to say anything at all. You do not do Dear Lady at the Doc and keep all of your body parts. Now I am waving at her to calm it down and she is not interested. I am a little concerned. If it was