Destroy Me Karen Cole (guided reading books txt) 📖

before. I never wanted to know. Knowing her name would have made her real and I didn’t want her to be real. I wanted to pretend that she had never existed. For all these years, I’ve been quite successful at kidding myself. When friends talked about small prangs, I found it easy to say that I’d never had an accident or so much as a speeding ticket. And I almost believed my own lies. I’ve buried this secret, like nuclear waste sealed in concrete deep underground. But now all the poison is leaking out. Someone else knows what I did, and they haven’t forgotten or forgiven. I can’t really blame them. Daisy Foster was only five. She hadn’t even started her life. I think about how I would feel if someone killed Dylan. I wouldn’t forgive them. I would want to kill them.

Twenty-three

2002

The car ground to a halt and the door flew open. I was rooted to the spot, bracing myself for what was to come. Pure fear surged through me, sharp, cold air caught in my lungs, making me suddenly terrifyingly sober. I’m too young to die, I thought. Please. Please don’t let me die.

I don’t know why I didn’t recognise the car. It was dark, I was drunk and panic was scrambling my brain. So, when a young woman climbed out and tottered unsteadily towards me, it took me a few terrified seconds to realise that it was Charlie and not some mad, axe-wielding lunatic.

‘Not bad after two driving lessons,’ she said hiccupping. Her words were slurred. She was obviously even more drunk than I was. ‘I think you’ll agree.’

I gaped at her in amazement, at her wildly dishevelled hair and the t-shirt, which in her rush to dress, she’d put on back to front and inside out. My heart rate was slowly returning to normal, my breathing becoming more regular. On the one hand, I was incredibly relieved to see her; on the other, now that I was no longer in mortal danger, I remembered why I was out here in the first place – how she’d betrayed me. She was my best friend and she’d betrayed me.

‘The keys were in here,’ she held out my handbag. ‘You left it in the kitchen.’

Realising I was being ridiculous, I snatched the handbag without a word and carried on walking past her, head held high, nose in the air.

She came lumbering after me, half laughing and half crying. ‘Jesus, Cat what are you doing? You can’t walk all the way home. It must be about ten miles.’

‘Fuck off, Charlie. I don’t want to speak to you.’

‘I’m sorry, Cat. I’m such a fuck-up. Please forgive me.’

I stopped and turned on her.

‘Why did you do it? You know how much I like him.’

‘I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know. It just happened.’ She staggered a little and steadied herself by grabbing my shoulder. I got a whiff of her perfume, musky and sexy. The scent enraged me, and I shook her hand away angrily.

‘You don’t even care. You broke the code.’

‘It’s not as if he was your boyfriend.’

I think I was more hurt by how easy it had been for Charlie to betray our friendship than by the fact it had been with James. James was just a fantasy. Charlie was real. ‘I’ve loved him ever since I was eleven,’ I said bitterly. ‘You were never interested in him until I told you I liked him. Oh, I can’t even be bothered to talk to you. I’m never ever going to talk to you again.’

Charlie grabbed my arm. ‘Don’t be so dramatic, Cat. Look, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you, Cat. I can’t lose your friendship. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.’ She was crying now, drunken tears rolling down her cheeks. ‘Let’s just get in the car and go home. It won’t seem so bad in the morning.’

I hesitated. It was a long way home. I was tired and I already had a blister on my heel. Not to mention the fact that it was scary as hell walking along this lonely country road by myself.

‘All right, but I’m driving. I’m not sure how you even made it this far,’ I said. ‘And this doesn’t mean I forgive you, by the way.’

She threw me the keys. ‘It’s all yours.’

I was still drunk. I knew that driving home was a bad idea, and for a second, I thought about phoning for a taxi and leaving the car where it was. But the thought of explaining to a taxi driver where we were, and the thought of explaining to my mother why we’d abandoned her car in the middle of nowhere didn’t bear thinking about. It wasn’t far to Cirencester and the roads were empty at this time in the morning.

‘Give me a hug,’ said Charlie as I got into the car.

I didn’t answer.

‘We should never let boys come between us again,’ she said as we drove off.

I pressed my foot on the accelerator – I was still seething with rage. She wasn’t even taking the whole thing seriously. I couldn’t bear being in the car with her. The sooner I dropped her at her house the better.

‘I think I’m going to be sick,’ Charlie announced as we were driving. And she wound down the window and stuck her head out, letting the wind rush in.

‘Get in, Charlie. You’re going to kill yourself!’ I shouted.

But she just laughed and leant further out. ‘Live a little, Cat. You know what they say . . .’ she yelled.

I never did find out what they say because at that moment something so terrible happened, it blew Charlie and James into insignificance.

Out of nowhere, an animal flashed in front of the car. Then, a split second later, a small child appeared, running up behind it.

I didn’t have time to react. No time to think. Just before impact, the girl turned, and her eyes met mine. Her expression didn’t register