The Silent Suspect Nell Pattison (best classic books of all time TXT) 📖

I nodded again.

And he broke up with you?

This set off more tears. No, I signed eventually. I broke up with him. When I went there I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted; I just knew I didn’t want to take that step yet. But then, when I was there, it seemed so obvious, because I don’t think I ever want that serious a relationship with Max.

Anna brushed my hair away from my face and kissed my forehead, like our mum used to do when we were young.

I know it hurts, but it sounds like you did the right thing. It wouldn’t be fair to him to carry on in a relationship if you didn’t want to commit to him.

But what if there’s something wrong with me? I asked her. What if I’m damaged from my relationship with Mike, and I’ll never be able to commit to anyone? Maybe I should have just pushed through, given it a go. I could move in with him and see what happens.

Your relationship with Mike has affected you, of course it has, but you’re not damaged. He controlled you, Paige, and now that you’re free to make decisions for yourself it’s going to seem strange. Anna squeezed me tight for a moment, then stepped back and looked at me. I don’t know what’s going on in your head at the moment, but I don’t think you can make any decisions right now. You’ve got too many emotions fighting for attention, and I don’t think you’ll be able to make a rational decision. She nodded at my phone sitting on the table. Do you want me to delete his number, then you’re not tempted to call him?

I shook my head. No, it’s fine. I paused for a minute. Do you think I’ve made a mistake? I asked, searching her face for signs of what she was thinking.

Slowly, she shook her head. I don’t know, Paige. I’ve thought you haven’t been happy for a few months now. Well … She paused. I didn’t think you were unhappy, exactly. I just thought maybe your relationship with Max had run its course. The gym membership thing wasn’t the only time he’s got it completely wrong – he kept pushing you to go away for a weekend when you didn’t want to, and don’t forget the massage voucher. She gave me a look with raised eyebrows and I gave a little laugh. I hated massages, wasn’t comfortable with strangers touching me, but Max had given me the voucher for Christmas anyway. He’d insisted it would be relaxing and I’d enjoy it eventually. I’d given the voucher to Anna.

So I did the right thing?

Only you can answer that, she told me, squeezing my hand. And you’re clearly not in a fit state to do that right now.

Why would I be this upset if it’s the right thing to do though? I asked her, staring into my glass of wine.

Oh, Paige. She gave me another hug. You’re upset because you’re not a robot. Max is hurt, and you don’t want to be the person who causes another human being to be upset. Plus, it’s bound to be emotional, making such a big decision about your life, and change is scary.

I nodded, trying to believe her. I’d been telling myself the same things since I left his flat, but I hadn’t managed to convince myself.

I care about Max a lot, I told her. I enjoyed spending time with him, but I don’t think I want anything more. I think I just want to be friends, but he won’t want anything to do with me now.

Anna got up. Right. We’re putting this lasagne in the oven, because I’m starving, and you need something to soak up the wine. Then we’re going to open another bottle, you can tell me exactly what happened and how you feel, but you’re not allowed to ask me any more if you did the right thing. Deal?

Deal, I agreed, opening the oven while she reached for the corkscrew.

By the time we’d eaten, another bottle of red wine was empty, and I’d poured my heart out to Anna. I felt surprisingly lighter after sharing it with her, and I was glad I hadn’t been able to keep it to myself as I’d originally intended. One eye had been on my phone the whole time, but there were no calls or texts from Max. He would be too proud to try calling me so soon.

Should I call him? I asked Anna. I want to know how he’s doing.

She shook her head. I don’t think it would be a good idea just yet. You’re both going to be very emotional, and neither of you want to say anything you don’t mean.

I nodded. I know you’re right. I just feel terrible.

That’s natural, she said, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. He has other friends who will support him right now; if you call him it’ll only confuse both of you. Sit on it for a couple of days then see how you feel. She spread her palms. Maybe after a few days you’ll decide you want to try again, or maybe you’ll realise it was definitely the right decision. Either way, if you call him now you risk having a knee-jerk reaction that could make things worse.

I stood up and took her plate, thinking about what she’d said as I stacked the dishwasher. Anna took the remains of the bottle of wine and our glasses through to the living room, where I joined her a few minutes later, sinking down onto the floor in front of the sofa.

You’re really tense, she told me. I can see it in your shoulders.

There’s a lot going on, I told her. It’s not just Max; it’s work as well.

The house fire? she asked. I thought the police must have ruled it an accident.

I shook my head. It’s a murder investigation.

Her eyes widened, but to