Unity Carl Stubblefield (read book TXT) 📖

though; to optimize your growth, you should capitalize on certain behaviors and skill growth right now, and if done recklessly you can lose any benefits and stifle future growth. In assessing your current path, you have not had a level of focus necessary to streamline your development. I wish to help you with this. But it will be grueling and painful. In the end, you will be much more capable, and is this not what you want? Better control and personal power?”

Gus had to close his mouth that had dropped open. Is that what he wanted? Needed right now? He tried to find something that he wanted more, but he did feel like if he could get a better handle on his abilities and his emotions, then he could be much more like the ideal self that he had always envisioned himself to be.

“Yeah. I mean yes… I’m putty in your hands. What should I be doing?”

There was a pause, as if Nick was assessing his sincerity, but he must have passed muster because he continued with a softer tone. “Are you familiar with a Zen koan?”

“Vaguely.”

“It is often an unanswerable question. I want you to expand your vision and this is one way established among humans that is most attuned to what you need to accomplish. Instead of me simply giving one to you, I want you to think of your own unanswerable question and I will evaluate its suitability for the task. You may begin.”

Gus twitched a little bit at the unexpected task.

“Umm, can you give me a little help, maybe?”

Nick had gone mute so Gus sighed and let his mind wander. What even is an unanswerable question? What’s the meaning of life? What’s the best thing I could be doing right now?

“What about those?”

“Keep trying.”

“Can you give me some examples?”

“I can. But I will not. Examples often direct you along certain paths and this is your personal journey. Look inside and find what your question should be. This is the way.”

“Alright,” Gus said, exhaling again, trying not to get frustrated. He let go of any worry or expectation with each exhalation. He imagined blowing out stress with every breath. Then just letting go and following where his mind wandered.

At first, he was monitoring closely, looking for any inkling of inspiration, but this attention seemed to be inhibiting anything from developing. For a while he simply sat, feeling the light on his closed eyes and face, the occasional caress of a cool ocean breeze, the screech of a bird looking for food. His increased attention to his non-verbal senses seemed like it was a distraction, so he gently steered it back to the question of “What?” What the hell am I doing?

He laughed a little and returned to his breath.

What.

Unbidden, he recalled the experience where he was making constructs and he had seen the ether interacting up close.

What.

His mind tried to make sense of exactly the reason for this memory, and what he was to learn, but as he tried to wrestle the answer, he could feel himself pulling away and things becoming less focused. Relaxing, he surrendered to the experience. Trying just to be an observer. Floating on the river, letting it take him where it wanted to go.

The memory crystallized again and he saw the interaction of normal matter hitting the ether and how it reacted. There was nothing really new here, as far as he could tell. But he just watched. It became almost soothing, seeing the molecules bombard the ether and how they just kept absorbing the stresses put upon them.

At the corner of his vision, Gus thought he saw a flicker. When he moved his mental focus, he could see nothing as he looked more fully at the expanse of small black particles. Looking directly at it instead of the borders, he couldn’t tell if it looked more like an ocean made up of marbles or desert dunes of black sand. Occasionally the mass would undulate like a wave, other times they seemed totally static.

Flicker.

There it was again. But gone as he looked directly at where he thought he had seen something.

What.

Exactly. What is doing that? What am I supposed to get from this?

The out of focus sensation returned so Gus calmed himself yet again, surprised at how hard it was to just let go and observe. It took longer this time, but things slowly came back into focus.

Flicker.

Instead of trying to find out what was causing it, Gus just stared ahead. As if it were a skittish creature, the flicker began to appear more at the periphery of his awareness more frequently the less he tried to get an exact look at it.

What.

The flicker began to become more prevalent, although the intensity dropped as Gus began to notice its presence more and more until it transitioned from a random flicker to a low glow present all around except where he was looking.

Suddenly everything became unfocused and Gus felt a backward pull similar to when he was done using the Quorian cube.

“Gus, Gus! Are. You. Reading. Me?” a voice asked impatiently on his comm.

Disoriented, he couldn’t tell who was talking to him. He blinked his eyes open and staggered back into the room, closing the balcony’s sliding glass door behind him.

“Who is this?” Gus asked, still feeling a bit groggy.

“It’s your father. We’ve been trying to get a hold of you for a while. Did you forget we’re having a quick post-mission debriefing? Everyone’s waiting for you. Head back to the conference room, and hurry.”

“Already?”

“It’s been four hours since we got back, Gus. We need to plan what’s next.”

“Okay, sure.”

That can’t be right. Can it? Four hours?

Gus followed his display to the new conference room that had been recently unlocked by Basileus and company during their brief reign at the manor. Entering the room, there was a large table in the middle and screens along the walls. Tempest sat at the head of the table and motioned for Gus to take