Darkroom: A Moo U Hockey Romance Kate Willoughby (read full novel .TXT) 📖

in his frenzy of lust, he wouldn’t notice that the only sex I’d ever had was in my mind. I mean, sex wasn’t like playing a musical instrument. If I picked up a saxophone and tried to play something, it would in no way resemble music, not without practice. But sex? Sex didn’t seem that complicated. There were two moving parts. How hard could it be?

And yet, hadn’t this whole shitty day come about because I hadn’t been honest with him? I could have saved myself so much grief if I’d told him about the birthmark right off the bat. I already embarrassed myself a lot today, so a little more wouldn’t make that much of a difference. It was as if I’d sloshed my coffee drink on my white T-shirt and was worrying about dripping some chocolate sauce on it too.

Hudson was busy shoving the huge pillows off the bed, scattering them like a thief in a heist movie who needed a tabletop to spread the blueprint on.

“Hudson, wait. Stop.”

He paused slightly before turning around with a carefully neutral expression on his face. I, frankly, wouldn’t have blamed him if he was irritated. I was irritated with me too.

“I need to tell you something. Something else I probably should have told you earlier.”

His expression didn’t change, but his brows rose and I could almost hear him thinking, Oh, God, what now, and all of a sudden, I was sure he thought I had an STD. What else could a woman possibly need to tell a guy before they had sex? Luckily, fear that he thought I was diseased prompted me to just blurt it out.

“I’m a virgin.”

His eyes widened. “You are?”

“Yep.” I shrugged in what I hoped was a carefree manner.

A nervous laugh escaped him. “I…wow.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Sorry.”

“No, no, don’t be sorry. There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

We stood there staring at each other from opposite sides of the bed. The pillows lay discarded on the floor and I wondered if I should go home after all.

“You’re a virgin,” he said. “So if we…” He gestured haphazardly toward the bed. “I’ll be your first time.”

“If you’re willing,” I said, half-jokingly.

But even though he’d been ready, willing and able a few minutes ago, now he seemed hesitant.

It would serve me right if he wanted to kick me to the curb. If a guy had kept dumping secret after secret on me, there would be a tipping point where I’d be like, nope. I’m done.

Maybe Hudson had reached that point.

“I…Jesus. Sure, I’m willing. I’m just…a little wigged out is all. I mean, that’s a lot of pressure, a lot of responsibility, you know? I don’t have any idea what to do… I mean, there have got to be certain things you do with virgins.”

“Maybe you can google it,” I said in a lame attempt at humor. “Top Ten Things to Do When Breaking in a Virgin.”

He laughed nervously. “I don’t doubt a list like that exists,” he said, sitting at the foot of the bed. I perched next to him, my hands clasped in my lap, my knees pressed together. When he heaved a deep sigh, my heart sank.

He was going to reject me, just like Austin had. The only difference was Hudson would do it with kindness, which in a lot of ways would be worse. I sat up straighter and tried to prepare myself.

“First of all, thank you,” he said.

Thank you?

“For what?”

“For the honor of wanting me to be your first.” He smiled and the tension drained out of me. “Unless there wasn’t any special consideration given and I happened to be the most convenient candidate.”

“No, not at all,” I assured him. “I mean, I haven’t been ‘saving myself’ all this time for that special someone, no offense.”

“None taken,” he said, still smiling.

“But my virginity isn’t a nuisance that needs to be taken care of either, like an item on my daily calendar. It’s a milestone that doesn’t deserve fanfare, but some consideration would be nice. Does that make sense?”

“It makes perfect sense. Can I ask a question?”

I nodded, suddenly nervous.

“You don’t have to tell me, obviously, but if you weren’t saving yourself, then why do you think it hasn’t happened yet?”

I sighed and lay back on the bed. “You really want to know? Because I guarantee you, by the end of my story you’ll be on emotional baggage overload.”

“I don’t mind,” he said, lying down next to me and taking my hand. “Honestly.”

“Senior year in high school, I was seeing this guy named Austin. Things were going well. I told him I was a virgin and he was incredibly patient with how slow I wanted to go and it had finally gotten to the point where I was finally ready.”

“I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

I nodded. “But when he saw my birthmark, he…couldn’t go through with it.”

“What an utter fucked-up fuckhead,” Hudson said, outraged.

“He also stood me up for prom.”

“That’s it.”

Hudson jack-knifed up so fast, it was clear his abs weren’t just for show. His lips were drawn tight and he seemed to be trying to control his breathing.

“Indi, I want you to tell me that fuckhead’s full name and address, if you have it. I’m going to track him down and teach him a lesson.”

I’d never confronted Austin, so it would have been oh so satisfying to see him have to face the music for what he’d done. But this was ancient history. I’d long ago decided to put that on my list of “What Doesn’t Kill You” things.

“Come on, Indi,” Hudson said. “I know you come from Brattleboro. There can’t be that many high schools or Austins there. It wouldn’t be that hard to find him.”

“No, Hudson. I appreciate the offer. Really. But that wouldn’t do any good. I believe in what goes around comes around. Someday, some girl will break his heart as cruelly as he did mine and I’ll have to be satisfied with that.”

“You’re a