Renegade Runner Nicole Conway (christmas read aloud txt) 📖

26

JUST FRIENDS

I glared at the dark windshield, my thoughts a toiling whirlwind of frustrated confusion as I ate my ration alone. I knew Phox was just being nice. He was only trying to help. He wasn’t hitting on me or trying to be too friendly. But I’d just gotten my first taste of what it might be like if I did lose him.

And … I was not hungry for more.

My heart twisted deep in my chest. What was I even thinking? If I lost him? Of course I was going to lose him. It was only a matter of when and how. Eventually, one way or another, this would end and either we would both die somewhere under Thermax’s glaring suns or …

Or he’d leave.

I made up my mind not to look back and see what he was doing as I sat, eating another package of snot-colored, vegetable-and-meat-flavored nutrition bars. The longer I sat, the more my leg throbbed and ached around the place where that asshole brawler had stabbed me. Had I done something to make it worse? Surely not. It’d looked fine when I’d checked it earlier. So why was it throbbing like that? Phox was probably right. I should let him take a look.

Minutes passed, and finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I tried to casually sneak a glance back into the rear cabin. Phox was sitting cross-legged on the floor with his back to me—fully clothed again.

Great. Was he just sitting there sulking?

Guilt settled over me like someone was stacking bags of sand onto my head. With a heavy sigh, I gathered up what was left of my meal and limped over to sit down across from him.

He blinked up in surprise for a second. Then his expression went steely with suspicion again.

“My leg,” I started, too embarrassed to meet his gaze for long. “It really hurts. I looked at it earlier, but … maybe I missed something. I can barely stand to put weight on it.”

He could’ve balked. Laughed. Told me to screw off. I kind of expected it, really. And I supposed I deserved it, too. I sucked at this whole … friendship thing. Casual friends I could do. Acquaintances? You bet.

But this?

God, I didn’t even know what this was. Well, besides totally uncomfortable.

Phox crammed the last half of his protein bar in his mouth and scooted closer, carefully untying my boot and slipping it off before he rolled the leg of my suit up over my wound. Sure enough, the clear bandaging had smears of red and black from old blood all around and even beneath it.

“Well, shit. Looks like it’s reopened some. That bandaging’s gotta come off so I can redo it,” he warned. “May have to zap you again, too. Another round of painkillers and antibiotics for the pain-in-my-ass human. Don’t want it getting infected.”

I shivered at the thought. “It’ll hurt, won’t it? When you take the bandage off, I mean?” Somehow, this seemed like it would be a little more intense than the usual ripping off of a Band-Aid.

“Yeah, uh, it’s not gonna feel great.”

“Can you just, um, can you wait and do all that after the painkiller’s knocked me out this time?”

I could feel him studying me with those piercing, animal eyes without ever having to look up. It was as though that look from him radiated an invisible force—a warmth that made me queasy and anxious—like he was peering straight down into my soul.

“Yeah,” he agreed.

“Thanks.”

“Oh, don’t thank me yet.” Phox leaned back, still giving me that intense, appraising look. “I have terms this time.”

I frowned, showing him my best, most unamused glare. “Such as?”

“I want you to say that you trust me not to hurt you,” he announced. “Out loud. Right now.”

My heartbeat skipped. For a moment, everything in my world seemed to suddenly slam to a halt, like someone throwing the full brakes on a steaming locomotive. Sparks flying. All the passengers screaming as they were tossed around inside the cars. Chaos.

“Why?” I managed hoarsely.

“Because you said before you only get defensive when people try to act like you can’t take care of yourself. And I think we both know that’s bullshit. You get defensive whenever I try to be nice to you. Like you think I’ve got ulterior motives or some backhanded plan to snap your neck when you least expect it.” He tipped his head to the side, making some of his lengthy hair brush against his cheek. “Not that it isn’t tempting at times, what with your tendency to use my last nerve as a slingshot to fire those little snippy remarks my way. But if we’re gonna make it through this, then you’ve gotta drop the defenses long enough for us to work together and not flip out whenever I try to help you. Sound fair?”

I hesitated, my heart pounding wildly in my ears as a heavy sense of finality settled deep in my chest like a frozen stone. I swallowed hard, hating the words before they even left my lips. “Phox, that’s … that’s really not it. I know you’d never hurt me. Not physically anyway.”

His smug look of satisfaction gradually crumbled to concern. “Then what is it?”

“I-I just, I don’t …” My voice broke. Every time I tried to form the words, pain shot through my chest like someone kept stabbing me in the lungs over and over. It made my breathing hitch and my eyes water. How could I tell him?

A big hand grabbed my chin, forcing me to look up as tears ran down my face. “Brinna, please. If it’s something I said before—”

“It’s because you’re just going to leave!” I blurted out, the words burning on my lips as I stared back at him with my whole body shaking. “People always leave me! Always. So there’s no point!”

He tilted his head to the side slightly. “No point in what?”

“In acting like … like we’re friends