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a tiny bit of assistance from my rings — taking these women from mob-mind to calm, clear-eyed, and clear-headed. Like mass hypnosis, but more powerful and more useful.

Amazing.

Curious to try a different form of emotional manipulation, I started thinking about the feeling of inspirational positivity, recalling my own personal experiences of being amped up and optimistic, like when I’d graduated from Caltech and thrown my mortar board in the air at graduation, or convinced Roland Chen to let me put the Rolbotics exosuit through my crazy platforming obstacle course, or having sex with Oia for the first time.

Once I felt that optimism coursing through my body, I sent it out to every woman in the auditorium. Nothing overly extreme. I didn’t want to turn this into a buy-in seminar for timeshare condos in the Bahamas. I just wanted to give everyone a nudge and get them excited about problem-solving how to best defend our outpost.

Once they were attentive, I transitioned to the rest of what I’d planned on saying.

“Ladies, whether Crewd’s men are on the ground and preparing their attack or not, we have every indication more pirates will soon attack this outpost in force. From the ground, from the air, from space, doesn’t matter where. They’re coming. You ladies know Baron Crewd von Bludlust will stop at nothing to get my rings.”

A few loud “Boos!” and passionate hisses from the women.

“These rings.” I raised both my hands, showing my Bombshells Ring and my True Ring. Two plain gold bands that could manipulate reality in the most magical ways.

“Oohs!” and “Aaaahs” from several babes in the audience.

My inspirational PATTERN manipulation was definitely working. Possibly too well. I backed off on it by half.

It briefly occurred to me, with this one power — emotional manipulation — I could rule an entire planet. Not just Zalaxia. Any planet. Or many planets. Of course, range and area of effect and ring “fuel” were always an issue, but if you could inspire people to action, to specific and coordinated action… you could change the world for the better. Or every world. A topic worth considering at greater length later.

“Crewd can try all he wants,” I smirked at the women, now feeling cocky and channeling my inner Steve Jobs giving yet another Macworld keynote speech back in the day, “but we’re not going to let Crewd or his pirates take my rings, are we?”

Cheers and loud “Noooos!”

Having an entire auditorium full of Supermodels from Space — the working title of my new life, courtesy of my beloved Bombshells — having these women cheering for me and hanging off my every word was the most exhilarating experience I could imagine.

No, it was beyond anything I had ever imagined. Knowing these women and a few billion others on Zalaxia were my wet and willing concubines took it to another level I can’t even describe, and the late Steve Jobs couldn’t either. If you’ve been to a computer expo, or watched video of a Steve Jobs keynote speech, you know the audiences are rarely composed of 100% supermodel babes. By rarely I meant never.

The crazy part was, I didn’t even need to manipulate the emotions of my Zalaxian concubines using my rings. These women had been lusting after me since I got here. The only thing I had to keep doing was be a good king and protect them from giant dinosaurs and space pirates. Which was why my once-again-imminent orgy needed to wait.

But I did pause briefly to take it all in.

I stood there for a moment surveying my harem, sizzling with adrenalin and twitching with desire for these women.

My concubines.

An entire planet of them.

Alllllll mine.

Yeah, I was well past cocky now.

Adding to my overall cockiness was my view of Captain Theia and the Shock Knights. They surrounded the hexagonal stage standing with their backsides facing me. My view from behind their behinds was phenomenal. They wore their usual boot-and-gloves-only gold uniforms. Their big manes of silky hair hung halfway down their backs, dangling just above those two dimples every Shock Knight had above their perfectly delicious asses. The bodies on my bodyguards? Beyond words.

It was impossible not to stare.

Meanwhile, the other women in the auditorium were showering me with approval. Without a doubt, the power pulsing through me as a result was going straight to my head(s).

I snorted with amusement.

Captain Theia glanced up at me over her shoulder, her green kryptonite eyes flashing a red look of caution.

I remembered her words about being a good man.

How quickly I had forgotten.

Here was proof that power corrupted people, and absolute power did it quicker. I was getting carried away with it, carried away by the 199 proof and 99.9% pure adulation of the women in this audience, carried away on their enthusiasm like I was riding a magic carpet gliding straight into Muff Town, male population: me.

It took everything I had to dial down my own glassy-eyed passion and focus on finishing my speech.

“Ladies,” I said seriously, “if we’re going to keep this outpost safe, I need to know everything there is to know about it. Offensive systems, defensive systems, signal systems, power systems, water supply, food supply, medical supplies. The whole works, from top to bottom.”

A random woman shouted, “I’ll help you get to the bottom of it, my king!”

Scattered, lusty laughter from the other women.

“No, I will!” another woman shrieked.

“Me first!” another pleaded.

“No, me! I’ll be your first, my king!” yet another begged.

“No, I will!”

“I will!”

I waited a moment for them to start throwing their lacy black bras at me. They didn’t, because they obviously didn’t wear any under their V-cut uniforms. As for throwing panties and thongs, if Zalaxian women wore them, I had yet to see any.

I stifled a laugh and said, “To do this right, ladies, to defend each and every one of you, I need to know everything there is to know about not just Crewd and his pirates, but the dangers of the Zalaxian jungle. You ladies know a hundred times

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