Antic Hay Aldous Huxley (philippa perry book .TXT) 📖

heart and bows almost to the ground as though all this hullabaloo were directed only at him. As for poor little Mr. Jenkins, the subsidiary viola, he has slid away into the background, and feeling that this is really the Sclopis’s show and that he, a mere intruder, has no right to any of these demonstrations, he hardly bows at all, but only smiles, vaguely and nervously, and from time to time makes a little spasmodic twitch to show that he isn’t really ungrateful or haughty, as you might think, but that he feels in the circumstances⁠—the position is a little embarrassing⁠—it is hard to explain.⁠ ⁠…

“Strange,” said Gumbril, “to think that those ridiculous creatures could have produced what we’ve just been hearing.”

The poached eye of Sclopis lighted on Emily, flushed and ardently applauding. He gave her, all to herself, a weary smile. He would have a letter, he guessed, tomorrow morning signed “Your little Admirer in the Third Row.” She looked a choice little piece. He smiled again to encourage her. Emily, alas! had not even noticed. She was applauding the music.

“Did you enjoy it?” he asked, as they stepped out into a deserted Bond Street.

“Did I⁠ ⁠… ?” Emily laughed expressively. “No, I didn’t enjoy,” she said. “Enjoy isn’t the word. You enjoy eating ices. It made me happy. It’s unhappy music, but it made me happy.”

Gumbril hailed a cab and gave the address of his rooms in Great Russell Street. “Happy,” he repeated, as they sat there side by side in the darkness. He, too, was happy.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“To my rooms,” said Gumbril, “we shall be quiet there.” He was afraid she might object to going there⁠—after yesterday. But she made no comment.

“Some people think that it’s only possible to be happy if one makes a noise,” she said, after a pause. “I find it’s too delicate and melancholy for noise. Being happy is rather melancholy⁠—like the most beautiful landscape, like those trees and the grass and the clouds and the sunshine today.”

“From the outside,” said Gumbril, “it even looks rather dull.” They stumbled up the dark staircase to his rooms. Gumbril lit a pair of candles and put the kettle on the gas ring. They sat together on the divan sipping tea. In the rich, soft light of the candles she looked different, more beautiful. The silk of her dress seemed wonderfully rich and glossy, like the petals of a tulip, and on her face, on her bare arms and neck the light seemed to spread an impalpable bright bloom. On the wall behind them, their shadows ran up towards the ceiling, enormous and profoundly black.

“How unreal it is,” Gumbril whispered. “Not true. This remote secret room. These lights and shadows out of another time. And you out of nowhere and I, out of a past utterly remote from yours, sitting together here, together⁠—and being happy. That’s the strangest thing of all. Being quite senselessly happy. It’s unreal, unreal.”

“But why,” said Emily, “why? It’s here and happening now. It is real.”

“It all might vanish, at any moment,” he said.

Emily smiled rather sadly. “It’ll vanish in due time,” she said. “Quite naturally, not by magic; it’ll vanish the way everything else vanishes and changes. But it’s here now.”

They gave themselves up to the enchantment. The candles burned, two shining eyes of flame, without a wink, minute after minute. But for them there were no longer any minutes. Emily leaned against him, her body held in the crook of his arm, her head resting on his shoulder. He caressed his cheek against her hair; sometimes, very gently, he kissed her forehead or her closed eyes.

“If I had known you years ago⁠ ⁠…” she sighed. “But I was a silly little idiot then. I shouldn’t have noticed any difference between you and anybody else.”

“I shall be very jealous,” Emily spoke again after another timeless silence. “There must never be anybody else, never the shadow of anybody else.”

“There never will be anybody else,” said Gumbril.

Emily smiled and opened her eyes, looked up at him. “Ah, not here,” she said, “not in this real unreal room. Not during this eternity. But there will be other rooms just as real as this.”

“Not so real, not so real.” He bent his face towards hers. She closed her eyes again, and the lids fluttered with a sudden tremulous movement at the touch of his light kiss.

For them there were no more minutes. But time passed, time passed flowing in a dark stream, stanchlessly, as though from some profound mysterious wound in the world’s side, bleeding, bleeding forever. One of the candles had burned down to the socket and the long, smoky flame wavered unsteadily. The flickering light troubled their eyes; the shadows twitched and stirred uneasily. Emily looked up at him.

“What’s the time?” she said.

Gumbril looked at his watch. It was nearly one o’clock. “Too late for you to get back,” he said.

“Too late?” Emily sat-up. Ah, the enchantment was breaking, was giving way, like a film of ice beneath a weight, like a web before a thrust of the wind. They looked at one another. “What shall I do?” she asked.

“You could sleep here,” Gumbril answered in a voice that came from a long way away.

She sat for a long time in silence, looking through half-closed eyes at the expiring candle flame. Gumbril watched her in an agony of suspense. Was the ice to be broken, the web-work finally and forever torn? The enchantment could still be prolonged, the eternity renewed. He felt his heart beating in his breast; he held his breath. It would be terrible if she were to go now, it would be a kind of death. The flame of the candle flickered more violently, leaping up in a thin, long, smoky flare, sinking again almost to darkness. Emily got up and blew out the candle. The other still burned calmly and steadily.

“May I stay?” she asked. “Will you allow me?”

He understood the meaning of her question, and nodded. “Of course,” he