Harbor John Lindqvist (grave mercy TXT) 📖

he could understand that, so he took a deep breath and said, ‘Maja has contacted me.’

He heard the rustle of bedclothes at the other end as Cecilia sat up. ‘What are you talking about?’

Anders told her what had happened. He left out the detail about Elin and all the wine, just said he had fallen asleep and then woken up during the night, found the message on the kitchen table. As he was talking he ran his fingers over the letters on the table, over the beads.

When he had finished there was a long silence. Anders cleared his throat and said, ‘What do you think?’

From the sounds at the other end he gathered that Cecilia was lying down again.

‘Anders. I’ve met someone else.’

‘Right. Yes.’

‘So…there’s not much I can do for you. Not anymore.’

‘But…this isn’t about that.’

‘Then what is it about?’

‘It’s about…about…Cecilia, this really is what’s happened. Honestly. It’s true, what I told you.’

‘What do you want me to do?’

What had been so simple suddenly became difficult. Anders looked around the table as if he were searching for a clue. His gaze landed once again on the seven spindly letters.

‘I don’t know. I just wanted…to tell you.’

‘Anders. The time we had together…even though it ended the way it did…if you need help. If you really, really need help. Then I’ll help you. But not otherwise. I can’t. Do you understand?’

‘Yes, I understand. But…but…’

The words got stuck just inside his lips. He heard what he’d said, how the conversation had gone. And he realised that she couldn’t have said anything other than exactly what she had said.

What would I have said?

He thought about it. He would have fallen on the chance, been ready to believe just about anything. Wouldn’t he? After all, he had resisted the miracle himself. But he still wouldn’t have responded the way Cecilia did. He would have believed her, just so that he had anexcuse to be with her. He felt a stabbing pain in his chest and he coughed.

Cecilia let him finish coughing before she said, ‘Good night, Anders.’

‘Wait! Just one thing. What could it mean?’

‘What?’

‘Carry me. What could it mean?’

Cecilia breathed out; it wasn’t quite a sigh, because there was a little sound with it, a fragment of a whimper. She could have been on the point of saying something else, but what she actually said was, ‘I don’t know, Anders. I don’t know. Good night.’

‘Good night.’ After a breath he added, ‘Sorry,’ but the line was dead and she didn’t hear him. Anders put the phone down and rested his forehead on the table.

Someone else.

Only now did he realise how much he had hoped, in some corner of his pissed-up heart, that somehow, somewhere, they might…

Someone else. Had he been there, had he been listening? No. It hadn’t felt as if there was another person there. Cecilia hadn’t talked as if someone else was listening.

So they’re not living together yet. Maybe…

He banged his head against the table. Hard. White pain surged through his skull. Tangled thoughts rose to the surface, were washed away.

Give up. Give up.

He raised his head and the pain was a liquid that altered the situation, was washed from his brow to the back of his head and stayed there. He looked around the kitchen with clear eyes and said, ‘There’s only you and me.’

The sea embraced the pebbles on the beach, relinquished and embraced them once again. Back and forth, back and forth. The same movement for all eternity. Take hold and let go, begin again.

He was tired now, he hadn’t the strength to cope with anything else.

With his headache in place and quiet, he got up and walked through the living room, ignored the glass on the floor and the firelighter dust that had been blown around and crunched beneath his feet. He carried on to the bedroom. Without switching on the light or getting undressed, he slid into Maja’s bed and pulled her blanket over him.

There now. Everything’s all right now.

He looked at the double bed in the middle of the room, faintly illuminated by the moonlight shining through the window.

There’s the double bed. I can go over there if I get frightened.

He closed his eyes and fell asleep in seconds.

A discovery by the shore

When someone knocked on his door at eight-thirty in the morning, Simon had been asleep for only a couple of hours. The wind and premonitions of evil had kept him awake until the first light of dawn broke through his bedroom window. By that time the wind had dropped and he had finally relaxed and given himself up to a light sleep. His body was stiff and heavy. He felt as if he was moving underwater as he got out of bed, pulled on his dressing gown and stumbled to the door.

Elof Lundberg looked as if he had woken up just as Simon was falling asleep. Wide-awake and bright eyed, his cap firmly in place. He looked Simon up and down and pulled a face.

‘Are you still in bed?’

‘No,’ said Simon, twisting his head to relieve the stiffness in his neck. ‘Not anymore.’

He glowered challengingly at Elof, encouraging him to spit out whatever it was he wanted. He wasn’t in the mood for small talk. Not now. And not with Elof. Elof sensed the atmosphere and became truculent. His lower lip jutted out and he raised his eyebrows. ‘I justwanted to tell you that your boat has come away from its mooring. If you’re interested.’

Simon sighed. ‘I am, yes. Thank you very much.’

Elof couldn’t help making the most of this opportunity. He had come here with the best of intentions, and was met with a rebuff. He said, ‘Of course, there are some people who prefer it that way. With just one rope. But the engine just keeps scraping all the time. And that might not be such a good thing.’

‘No, it isn’t. Thank you.’

Elof was standing there as if he was waiting for some kind of reward, but Simon knew that wasn’t it.