The Life and Lies of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore Irvin Khaytman (reading books for 4 year olds .TXT) 📖

Thank you to the incredible team at Books of Wonder, my favorite bookstore, for taking a chance on me and my book.  Thank you for allowing me to realize my dream of having a launch party at your store, for indulging my crazy choices like having a dance number at said launch party, and for not chasing me out when I was still signing books two hours after closing time.

Thanks to friends who lent their singing/dancing/ baking/prophesying talents to my launch party: Deanna Benfante, Angelica Capotorto, dyAnne Irby, Mary Mandzak, Ignacio Melgar, Julie Stevens. And thanks to Caitlin Bryson and Angelica for helping with all the logistics of the launch party. I would have completely lost my mind without all of you; you really made sure my special day went off without a hitch.

Before my writings about Dumbledore were a book, they were a series of essays at MuggleNet, where I have been proudly publishing essays since 2011. Without that foundation, there would be no book here. Thanks to Kat Miller and the entire MuggleNet family—I’m sure I create a lot of work for you, both in terms of getting the essays published and in putting out fires when people finally read them.

Most little kids idolize musicians or athletes. When I was a kid, my heroes were the columnists at MuggleNet. I wanted to be Daniela Teo, Lady Lupin, Maline Freden, Bob Sindeldecker, Brandon Ford, Christopher Stephen, Dan Hoppel, and Josh Smith when I grew up. So even though I haven’t heard of any of them in a decade, I remain grateful to them for their columns, and always try to hold myself to the high standard they set.

At nineteen, my dream came true when Noah Fried, the leader of MuggleNet’s foundering Editorials section, offered me my own column at MuggleNet. Noah, you were the one who first provided me with a platform to write about Dumbledore, and I hope you know what writing The Three Broomsticks has meant to me all these years. Thanks for that, and for all you put up with after branding me the “controversial columnist.”

Thanks to the many and varied members of The Group That Shall Not Be Named—since our group is over 3,000 members strong, it would take too long to list everyone. But for ten years, you all have talked Potter with me, indulged my theorizing, and supported every crazy endeavor I’ve undertaken. Thanks for believing in my weirdness.

Thanks to Traci Hall, who allowed me to deliver presentations about Dumbledore at every MISTI-Con—I can hardly express how helpful these were in eventually crafting this book.

Thanks to Natasha Povar, Cherie Wong, Regina Burd, and all my oldest friends for their countless years of support. You’re the ones who read my teenage memoirs and sappy poetry, and all those hours on the phone with you are the only thing that’s kept me sane all these years.

Thanks to all the employers who wouldn’t hire me in the fall of 2016—being unemployed for six months allowed me to realize my dream of completing a book, so I’m very glad I didn’t go to work for you!

Lastly, thanks to Jo Rowling. The world that sprang from her imagination has shaped my life ever since I was nine years old, and I can’t even fathom what my life would look like without Harry in it. Even as a published author, I am not up to the task of expressing what Harry Potter has meant to me. So I’ll defer (as I often do) to wizard rock: “Thank you, Ms. J.K. Rowling. . . thank you so much for Harry.”

About the Author

Attractive brunette Irvin Khaytman, twenty-six, whose savage quill has punctured many inflated reputations—

Never mind all that. Irvin Khaytman is a walking Harry Potter encyclopedia from New York City, where he does taxes by day and all things geeky by night. He has been writing essays about Harry Potter since 2007 as “hpboy13,” and became a columnist at MuggleNet in 2011. In the last few years, he has also been a regular contributor to Hypable. When not reading or discussing books, Irvin can be found dancing to wizard rock or planning costumes for conventions. He identifies as a Ravenpuff.

Photo by G.M. Courtemanche

1. In her essay, “Philosopher's Stone - Dumbledore's Perspective,” Josie Kearns ventured the point that Dumbledore meant Harry and Quirrell to face off but didn’t expect Harry to get the Stone. I initially disagreed, but upon rereading Sorcerer’s Stone, I concluded that Josie’s hypothesis made the most sense and was therefore correct. The essay is well worth a read; it covers some of the same ground as this one and inspired much of this chapter. I concur with much of it, but Josie attributes more logical leaps to both Dumbledore and Voldemort than I do (a sort of “I did this so you’d know I know you know about that” affair).

2. “As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all—the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them.” (SS297) This is Dumbledore’s much gentler way of calling the Stone a lure for fools—after all, he’s speaking to an eleven-year-old.

3. While not canonical, there is further evidence in Journey Through a History of Magic (p. 30), where we become privy to Jo’s drafts of certain passages in the books. In one such draft, Quirrell states in no uncertain terms that he was trying to “see what was guarding the Stone” aside from Fluffy, meaning he (and the other professors) have not yet put their obstacles in place. Even though this was only in a draft, it shows that Jo’s original intention was to not have the obstacles present until after Halloween.

4. The Red Hen has an intriguing alternative for why Dumbledore chose to show Harry the Mirror of Erised: it was a test of Harry’s character to ensure that