The Silent Suspect Nell Pattison (best classic books of all time TXT) 📖

I thought for a moment, then shook my head. No, we need to get used to seeing each other occasionally. It might as well start now.

We sat for a moment, Gem carefully watching over my shoulder, me resisting the urge to turn round. I racked my brains for something to talk about, but my mind had gone blank.

I think he’s coming over, she signed, her nose wrinkling to show she obviously thought it was a bad idea for me to talk to him. Do you want me to head him off?

No, it’s fine, I told her, standing up. If he wants to talk, I’ll talk.

Turning around, I saw Max approaching and gave him a small smile. I had no idea what sort of mood he’d be in, but I really didn’t want to make a scene in the middle of the Deaf club.

Hi, he signed, his face twitching between a smile and a frown. He glanced at Gem, who took the hint and went off to chat with someone else. I sat back down at the table and Max joined me, pulling his chair out a little so he wasn’t within arm’s reach of me.

How are you? he asked.

I’m okay, I replied cautiously. You?

He nodded, then shook his head immediately after. I don’t know. I can’t get my head round it at the moment. I called you this morning, he added, giving me a searching look.

I know, I’m sorry. I was busy with something for work. It wasn’t strictly the truth, but I didn’t want to explain why I’d felt the need to ignore him.

Okay. But you didn’t call me back.

I sighed. Because I didn’t know why you’d called, Max. I didn’t know if you wanted to have a go at me, and I wasn’t in the right head space for an argument.

He frowned. Why would I have a go at you? I just wanted to talk.

Okay. I’m sorry. But if you’d sent me a text I would have known why you were calling. I ran a hand over my face. What was it you wanted to talk about?

He looked down at the floor for a moment, clasping and unclasping his hands as he sat there. When he looked up I could see in his eyes that he was hoping for a reconciliation, and my heart sank. Even though I’d had a few moments of panic during the day, wondering if I wanted things to change, I knew I’d made the right decision.

Are you sure, Paige? he asked eventually. Are you sure this is what you want? I understand why you’re wary of us moving in together, because of what happened with Mike, and I completely respect that. If you’re not ready, that’s fine. Can’t we just carry on as we were?

I took a moment to decide what I wanted to say to him.

I don’t think that would be fair to you, Max. I care about you, a lot, but I don’t think I’ll ever want that future with you. Would you really want to waste time with me, hoping I’d change my mind, and then miss out on the possibility of meeting someone else? Someone who could be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

He stood up abruptly, and rubbed his hands on his jeans, his mouth set in a firm line. Okay. Fine. I just wanted to make sure.

I started to sign I’m sorry, but he turned and walked away. Closing my eyes, I wondered if I could have done that any differently. Not that it mattered now.

Gem slipped back into her seat and reached over to get my attention. Want to ditch our cars and go and get drunk?

Before I had a chance to reply, my phone buzzed. It was a text message from Max.

You were the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I nodded at Gem. Yes please.

Chapter 22

What had been planned as a quiet evening out with Gem turned into a late-night drinking session. From the Deaf club we went to the nearest pub and had polished off a couple of bottles of wine before they called last orders. I wasn’t finished, and Gem was following my lead, so we found another pub with a later licence, which was when we started on the shots.

By the time I half-stepped, half-fell out of the taxi outside my flat I’d had far too much to drink, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t handle the emotions I was feeling – blaming myself for hurting Max, but also anger with him for blaming me, confusion over my own feelings, frustration with myself for looking stupid in front of Singh when that was the last thing I wanted him to think of me – it went on and on. I’d needed something to numb me and distract from everything that was happening in my life, and for a few hours it had worked.

My phone screen seemed blurry as I checked it for messages before going inside. Anna had got in touch when I hadn’t come home by eleven, but I expected she’d have been in bed ages ago. Nothing from Max, which was to be expected. I’d half hoped for something from Singh, not least because he was now the only significant man in my life, but it was probably a good job he hadn’t been in touch. Drunk as I was, I couldn’t trust myself not to say or do something that would embarrass us both, particularly as I was newly single and very aware of it.

Whilst we were out, Gem had tried to cheer me up by getting me to look at other men and rate their attractiveness, but I felt uncomfortable doing it. Max had come into my life by pure chance. I hadn’t been looking for anyone to be with, in fact had actively sworn off dating, but he won me over with his charm and his easy-going manner. Now that was over,