I Am What I Am John Barrowman (books that read to you txt) 📖

crew was set up in a stretch of abandoned road that used to provide truck access for a company based near the docks in Cardiff. There was no traffic for the entire stretch of road. This meant that the opening truck accident, where the ‘meat’ is first discovered, could be set up across the full two lanes.

The four of us piled into the SUV. Burn was riding shotgun, holding the radio that cued me to drive into the scene, and Gareth and Eve climbed in the back.22 I loved reversing quickly down the stretch of road to get into position and then – wait for it … ‘Action!’ – hitting the gas and racing from 0 to 50 mph in a short distance, before screeching to a stop on the director’s mark. It was like drag racing with my dad’s really expensive car.

The driving scenes ended up being the most fun I had that day because what no one had realized was that directly next to the abandoned road was a field of pollinating ragweed. By early afternoon, most of the crew and a number of us in the cast were lined up under the make-up tents with red, itchy eyes and runny noses. The whole scene looked as if it was a set-up for an episode.

Whenever I drove for a scene, if a crew person could be spared, he or she would hide in the rear of the SUV and give me directions from inside the car. Late one night, when Clare and I were driving to Sully from Birmingham after a week of pantos, I wished we’d had someone giving directions from the back seat.

The M5 was completely shut down because of an accident. I did not want to spend the night stranded in traffic, so I pulled off the motorway and headed into the country. I told Clare to call Scott, who was already at home in Sully, and I asked him via Clare to guide us home. Scott loves globes and maps and anything with a legend, so he decided to navigate us home using Google Earth. I would have been faster having Clare use the stars to guide us.

Suddenly, in my Range Rover, I was careening through country lanes and winding roads originally designed for sheep.23 I was tired, crabby and my Range Rover was getting its paint scratched. Needless to say, I started shouting at Scott via Clare while Scott returned the shouting back to me via Clare, who then started to shout at both of us for shouting at her. God, we needed a director in the back seat; if we’d been driving in the Torchwood SUV, alien technology might well have got us home with a lot less yelling involved.

I loved the Torchwood SUV, and, before it went to wherever discarded BBC cars go after they’ve disappeared from a series,24 I was asked if I’d like to buy it. Given my passion for cars, I guess that wasn’t too surprising. I did think about it for a few minutes, but decided, in the end, that a Dalek at my house was enough.

Here’s another trivia fact for you for when you’re playing ‘I’ve Wasted My Life Watching TV, But I’m Happy’: the Porsche that Jack steals and drives during Day Three of ‘Children of Earth’ was my own car, used just for that episode.

While I turned down the purchase of the Torchwood SUV, I never forgot how to make many of the sudden stops and quick starts that filming in it had taught me. It was just as well – because I needed all my skills and wits about me the day I went rally driving.

During the filming of my practice rally run and my official timed ones on Fifth Gear, Tiff rode next to me in the car. After each run, I’m proud to share that he said I was a natural. When we drove to the open area near the course to practise stopping, skidding, turning and jumping, I actually forgot I was being filmed for a television show and I soaked up all of Tiff’s insights and advice as if my life depended on it. As it turned out, it did.

On my first timed lap, I came in at 1:33. Tiff threw down the gauntlet and asked if I ‘wanted to try to beat my own time’. Them are fighting words to me. Of course I did.

With Tiff reading aloud my pace notes from the initial timed run, I took the first two turns well, but I was coming into the third too fast. I skidded round the final curve too tightly and I lost control of the car. There was nothing I could do. As you can see on camera if you watch the show, I released the wheel and left the fate of Tiff and myself in the hands of the car god.25

We flipped three full rotations over the edge of the hill and slid down an embankment. For a fleeting moment, I did think I was in trouble, and that this jaunt in the countryside wasn’t going to end well, but then I looked at Tiff and he was grinning, and when we landed, I started laughing, too.26 We bounced hard on our wheels, and the car came to a really forceful stop. Tiff and I unbuckled quickly.

As I climbed from the wrecked car, I could see the crew rushing down the hill towards us, including Gav and Rhys, who was still filming. Gavin told me later that his heart stopped when he saw the car flip, and Rhys said his legs had felt like all the bones had been removed.

When I got home that evening, that was pretty much what my mum threatened to do to me if I ever did something like this rally drive again. She gave me hell for about twenty minutes – after she’d checked me out herself and was reassured that I really was fine.27

After the crash, emergency personnel surrounded us