My Mother's Children: An Irish family secret and the scars it left behind. Annette Sills (free e books to read online txt) 📖

some kind of clue about what had happened between us the previous day but I looked away. The memory made me uncomfortable.

I’d been sitting on the bed drying myself after a shower and listening to Paul Weller being interviewed on BBC Radio 6. Joe still used his key and I hadn’t heard him come in when I was showering. He’d moved into the flat at Salford Quays. We’d been getting on well recently and he’d started coming over more regularly.

I jumped as he walked in the bedroom door and gathered my towel around me. Light filtered through the gap in the curtains over him and he looked good in a work shirt and chinos.

“Sorry. I needed to get a few things from the cupboard,” he said, turning to leave when he saw my state of undress.” I’ll come back when you’re done.”

“No. Go ahead.”

Averting his eyes, he walked over to drawers at the bottom of the wardrobe opposite the bed. He knelt down inches from my feet. He had his back to me and I could smell his apple-scented aftershave. As he yanked the bottom drawer open, a ripple of muscle spread along his right shoulder-blade. Without thinking, I reached out and ran a fingertip lightly down his back. He went completely still then turned round. I undid the towel and fell back on the bed. Soon he was kneeling in front of me, his hands on my thighs, his eyes travelling over my body like he was seeing it for the first time.

“You sure?” he asked.

I nodded and opened my legs. He bent down, his tongue searching and teasing. I helped him undress quickly and pulled him on top of me. He entered me gently at first, moving slowly then pausing. He looked into my eyes and told me he was sorry. The moment he said it I saw them both fucking on our sofa, her long legs wrapped around him as he cried out her name. I felt sick inside. Yet I didn’t ask him to stop. I went through the motions instead. Thankfully he came quickly. He apologised for that too and asked if we could talk afterwards. But I escaped into the bathroom and made an excuse about going out.

I cried on the tram on the way into work the next morning, wondering if that would be our last time.

Joe handed me the envelope. When I saw Julia’s neat handwriting, I made an excuse and ran upstairs with it. I felt so bad. In the past few months Julia had left a number of answer-phone messages. In one of them she’d said she had something for me. I’d been meaning to call her back but she and Mattie had gone on a cruise. She’d sent postcards from Venice and Dubrovnik but she hadn’t taken her mobile so I couldn’t get hold of her.

I took the envelope into the bedroom. I stopped and stared down at Joe’s clothes by the side of the bed. I threw them in the laundry basket then I straightened the duvet, sat down and opened the envelope. Inside was a photocopied newspaper cutting and a letter from Julia.

My dear Carmel,

We’re back now after the cruise. We had great craic and met lots of interesting people. I ate too much though and now I can’t do up my trousers!

I left you a few messages on the answer phone before we went away but didn’t hear back from you. Is everything alright between us? I’ve been thinking about your last visit. I do hope you have forgiven me for not telling you about Tess’s baby. I felt I had no choice but to respect your mother’s wishes. I hope you understand.

I don’t know if you remember me mentioning a woman called Nancy Corley on your visit? Her family were neighbours of Tess’s parents in the village. Nancy used to nurse with me in the General in Castlebar. She is retired now and lives here in Westport. Anyways, not long after your visit, I bumped into her in Tesco and we got talking. I asked her if she knew what had become of Tess’s brother. She knew he’d gone to London years ago and she said she’d seen an article about him in the Mayo News a few years back.

When I got home Gerry and I went online and looked for the article but we couldn’t find anything. So the next day he went into the Mayo News offices in Westport. They were very helpful and gave him a copy from the archives. That’s what I was ringing to tell you about it.

I hope you don’t mind me sending it on to you.

Give me a call some time and let me know how you are getting on.

All my love to Joe.

Julia

xx

I felt terrible. It never occurred to me that Julia might think I was angry with her for not telling me Tess’s secret. I resolved to ring her that evening.

I picked up the Mayo News cutting. I’d often seen copies of the paper in Julia’s house. It was a local paper, filled with news from every nook and cranny in the West, from farmer’s fairs to burglaries, obituaries, visits from local dignitaries and community sporting events.

My eyes were immediately drawn to the photograph next to the article. I gasped. A man in a tux and long white silk scarf was standing in front of a theatre billboard. Though probably in his late sixties or early seventies, the likeness was remarkable: the large grey-blue eyes, the square jaw under the snowy-white goatee, the stocky build. He even had the same unruly thatch of hair. He looked just like Mikey if he’d lived for another thirty years. It was uncanny and unsettling. For a mad moment I imagined my brother had come back and my heart leapt with joy. His death was all a mistake, a bad dream. Then I came to my senses