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- Author: Elin Hilderbrand
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“Why, we’re alike,” she had told him with awe mixed with wonder. She quickly went on to explain about her own immune disease. Instantly, they’d shared a bond.
It wasn’t long before Kristina was utterly and completely in love for the first time. She bloomed with color and felt so much better. She started to pretend to dutifully take the medicine her mother offered, then spit it out and flushed the pills down the toilet. The medicine made her feel sleepy and she wanted to be awake in the afternoons to talk with Joe.
Joe liked her, too. He told her so on their fourth meeting at the fence. Her heart thumped so fast she was sure she was having one of her bouts. But she wasn’t. In fact, the bouts had stopped completely. She didn’t feel sick at all. Joe told her sometimes a child could grow out of an immune disease.
“You might be one of the lucky ones,” he told her.
“Maybe you’ll get lucky, too.”
A sad smile crossed his face, one without malice or regret. “No, that card’s not in my deck. But you? Why not?”
Kristina listened, and pondered his words. Imagine, no longer being sick and isolated. Living a normal life. Could that be possible? Hope filled her like a balloon with helium. She felt she was floating up the stairs to the back door. She rushed inside and followed the sound of the television to the living room, where Deborah was reclined in an easy chair, eating popcorn.
“Mother,” Kristina began, near breathless with the excitement. She always called Deborah mother. Not mom, mommy, or mama. “I just heard the most exciting news.”
Her mother kept her eyes glued to the television. “Oh yeah? Now what’s that?”
“That sometimes, a child can outgrow an immune disease. Do you think that could happen to me? I mean, I’m feeling so much better. Really, I am. Maybe we could go to the doctor and ask him. Maybe I could even go to school.”
Kristina felt the grin that stretched across her face freeze as she watched her mother’s reaction. Rather than joy, Deborah stared back at Kristina, dazed, slack jawed. Then her face began to flush and contort into a macabre mask of fury. She leaped from her chair, upsetting the bowl, and sending popcorn flying.
“You ungrateful child!” she screamed with rage, pointing her finger accusingly. “Horrible girl. I wish I’d never adopted you. From the moment I took you home you’ve been nothing but a disappointment and hardship. All your life. Where would you be if not for me? Your mother didn’t want you. I took you in. I made you my daughter. Don’t you care how you hurt me?”
Kristina took a step back, confused. “I never meant . . .”
“I’ve slaved for you. Spent every penny I have on your medicine. I save nothing for myself. Look at this dress! It’s five years old. I had a good figure, once. Good hair. I was quite a catch.” She speared Kristina with a sharp look. “I gave up everything for you. Even my husband. He never wanted you,” she said accusingly, pushing her digit out toward her. “You’re the reason he left me.”
Kristina shrank back, stung by this new accusation.
“But did I hold it against you?” She shook her head so hard she lost her balance. “No! You were my sweet, adopted baby girl. I swore I’d take care of you. And I did. Didn’t I?” she cried. “Didn’t I take good care of you? Better than anyone else could.” She side-swiped her nose then added with derision, “Better than you deserved.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I thought you’d be happy I’m feeling better.”
Deborah frowned and patted the pockets of her housedress. Finding them empty, she turned heel and paced the room in search of her cigarettes. Kristina crossed her arms tightly across her chest, warily watching her, waiting for the next outburst.
At last she found them, lit one, took a deep drag. Then, exhaling, she turned her head and eyed Kristina with undisguised suspicion.
“Who told you that crap about growing out of your immune disease?”
Kristina’s throat tightened around her lie. “No one. I read it.”
“Where?”
“Uh, maybe it was on the news. Or on the television.” She rubbed her arm. “I . . . I don’t remember.”
“Hmmm.” Her mother took another drag from her cigarette.
In the deathly silence, Kristina heard the thud of a basketball hitting the net. She closed her eyes tight, groaning inwardly. Deborah sauntered closer to the back window, and with one finger, lifted a slat of the blinds to stare out. After a minute she let the blind snap back and spun around to face Kristina, her dark eyes blazing.
“You’ve been talking to that boy.”
“No. Well, maybe a little, but not, you know, talking.”
“How dare you! You broke my strictest rule,” her mother shouted. Her face had once again taken on the crimson hue of fury as she pointed her digit and pounded out the words inches from her face. “You are not allowed to talk to strangers.”
“He’s not a stranger!” Kristina shouted back, feeling her backbone straighten. “He’s a neighbor. And he’s nice. He doesn’t have germs because he doesn’t go anywhere. Like me. I don’t see why I can’t talk to him.”
“Because I forbid it!” Her mother slashed her arm in the air with finality.
“No!” Kristina shouted back, feeling the flame on her own face burn. “You can’t make me stop. I want a friend, Mother!” Kristina felt her bravado crumble as the child she still was emerged in defeat. Tears rushed to her eyes. She covered her face with her hands and slid to the floor on watery legs. “I’m so lonely.”
Her mother was all sweetness then, wrapping her arms around her, rocking her like a
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