The Gambler Fyodor Dostoevsky (i love reading books .txt) đ
- Author: Fyodor Dostoevsky
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Ah, the evening when I took those seventy gĂŒlden to the gaming table was a memorable one for me. I began by staking ten gĂŒlden upon passe. For passe I had always had a sort of predilection, yet I lost my stake upon it. This left me with sixty gĂŒlden in silver. After a momentâs thought I selected zeroâ âbeginning by staking five gĂŒlden at a time. Twice I lost, but the third round suddenly brought up the desired coup. I could almost have died with joy as I received my one hundred and seventy-five gĂŒlden. Indeed, I have been less pleased when, in former times, I have won a hundred thousand gĂŒlden. Losing no time, I staked another hundred gĂŒlden upon the red, and won; two hundred upon the red, and won; four hundred upon the black, and won; eight hundred upon manque, and won. Thus, with the addition of the remainder of my original capital, I found myself possessed, within five minutes, of seventeen hundred gĂŒlden. Ah, at such moments one forgets both oneself and oneâs former failures! This I had gained by risking my very life. I had dared so to risk, and behold, again I was a member of mankind!
I went and hired a room, I shut myself up in it, and sat counting my money until three oâclock in the morning. To think that when I awoke on the morrow, I was no lackey! I decided to leave at once for Homburg. There I should neither have to serve as a footman nor to lie in prison. Half an hour before starting, I went and ventured a couple of stakesâ âno more; with the result that, in all, I lost fifteen hundred florins. Nevertheless, I proceeded to Homburg, and have now been there for a month.
Of course, I am living in constant trepidation, playing for the smallest of stakes, and always looking out for somethingâ âcalculating, standing whole days by the gaming-tables to watch the playâ âeven seeing that play in my dreamsâ âyet seeming, the while, to be in some way stiffening, to be growing caked, as it were, in mire. But I must conclude my notes, which I finish under the impression of a recent encounter with Mr. Astley. I had not seen him since we parted at Roulettenberg, and now we met quite by accident. At the time I was walking in the public gardens, and meditating upon the fact that not only had I still some fifty gĂŒlden in my possession, but also I had fully paid up my hotel bill three days ago. Consequently, I was in a position to try my luck again at roulette; and if I won anything I should be able to continue my play, whereas, if I lost what I now possessed, I should once more have to accept a lackeyâs place, provided that, in the alternative, I failed to discover a Russian family which stood in need of a tutor. Plunged in these reflections, I started on my daily walk through the Park and forest towards a neighbouring principality. Sometimes, on such occasions, I spent four hours on the way, and would return to Homburg tired and hungry; but, on this particular occasion, I had scarcely left the gardens for the Park when I caught sight of Astley seated on a bench. As soon as he perceived me, he called me by name, and I went and sat down beside him; but, on noticing that he seemed a little stiff in his manner, I hastened to moderate the expression of joy which the sight of him had called forth.
âYou here?â he said. âWell, I had an idea that I should meet you. Do not trouble to tell me anything, for I know allâ âyes, all. In fact, your whole life during the past twenty months lies within my knowledge.â
âHow closely you watch the doings of your old friends!â I replied. âThat does you infinite credit. But stop a moment. You have reminded me of something. Was it you who bailed me out of Roulettenberg prison when I was lying there for a debt of two hundred gĂŒlden? Someone did so.â
âOh dear no!â âthough I knew all the time that you were lying there.â
âPerhaps you could tell me who did bail me out?â
âNo; I am afraid I could not.â
âWhat a strange thing! For I know no Russians at all here, so it cannot have been a Russian who befriended me. In
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