Clarissa Harlowe Samuel Richardson (most important books to read TXT) 📖

end of the room. An ejaculation, a silent ejaculation, employing her thoughts that moment; Polly says the whites of her lovely eyes were only visible: and, in the instant that she extended her hand, assuredly to strike the fatal blow, (how the very recital terrifies me!) she cast her eye towards me, and saw me at the utmost distance the room would allow, and heard my broken voice⁠—my voice was utterly broken; nor knew I what I said, or whether to the purpose or not⁠—and her charming cheeks, that were all in a glow before, turned pale, as if terrified at her own purpose; and lifting up her eyes⁠—“Thank God!⁠—thank God!” said the angel⁠—“delivered for the present; for the present delivered⁠—from myself⁠—keep, Sir, that distance;” (looking down towards me, who was prostrate on the floor, my heart pierced, as with an hundred daggers); “that distance has saved a life; to what reserved, the Almighty only knows!”⁠—

To be happy, Madam; and to make happy!⁠—And, O let me hope for your favour for tomorrow⁠—I will put off my journey till then⁠—and may God⁠—

Swear not, Sir!⁠—with an awful and piercing aspect⁠—you have too often sworn!⁠—God’s eye is upon us!⁠—His more immediate eye; and looked wildly.⁠—But the women looked up to the ceiling, as if afraid of God’s eye, and trembled. And well they might, and I too, who so very lately had each of us the devil in our hearts.

If not tomorrow, Madam, say but next Thursday, your uncle’s birthday; say but next Thursday!

“This I say, of this you may assure yourself, I never, never will be yours.⁠—And let me hope, that I may be entitled to the performance of your promise, to be permitted to leave this innocent house, as one called it, (but long have my ears been accustomed to such inversions of words), as soon as the day breaks.”

Did my perdition depend upon it, that you cannot, Madam, but upon terms. And I hope you will not terrify me⁠—still dreading the accursed knife.

“Nothing less than an attempt upon my honour shall make me desperate. I have no view but to defend my honour: with such a view only I entered into treaty with your infamous agent below. The resolution you have seen, I trust, God will give me again, upon the same occasion. But for a less, I wish not for it.⁠—Only take notice, women, that I am no wife of this man: basely as he has used me, I am not his wife. He has no authority over me. If he go away by-and-by, and you act by his authority to detain me, look to it.”

Then, taking one of the lights, she turned from us; and away she went, unmolested.⁠—Not a soul was able to molest her.

Mabell saw her, tremblingly, and in a hurry, take the key of her chamber-door out of her pocket, and unlock it; and, as soon as she entered, heard her double-lock, bar, and bolt it.

By her taking out her key, when she came out of her chamber to us, she no doubt suspected my design: which was, to have carried her in my arms thither, if she made such force necessary, after I had intimidated her; and to have been her companion for that night.

She was to have had several bedchamber-women to assist to undress her upon occasion: but from the moment she entered the dining-room with so much intrepidity, it was absolutely impossible to think of prosecuting my villanous designs against her.

This, this, Belford, was the hand I made of a contrivance from which I expected so much!⁠—And now I am ten times worse off than before.

Thou never sawest people in thy life look so like fools upon one another, as the mother, her partners, and I, did, for a few minutes. And at last, the two devilish nymphs broke out into insulting ridicule upon me; while the old wretch was concerned for her house, the reputation of her house. I cursed them all together; and, retiring to my chamber, locked myself in.

And now it is time to set out: all I have gained, detection, disgrace, fresh guilt by repeated perjuries, and to be despised by her I dote upon; and, what is still worse to a proud heart, by myself.

Success, success in projects, is everything. What an admirable contriver did I think myself till now! Even for this scheme among the rest! But how pitifully foolish does it now appear to me!⁠—Scratch out, erase, never to be read, every part of my preceding letters, where I have boastingly mentioned it. And never presume to rally me upon the cursed subject: for I cannot bear it.

But for the lady, by my soul, I love her. I admire her more than ever! I must have her. I will have her still⁠—with honour or without, as I have often vowed. My cursed fright at her accidental bloody nose, so lately, put her upon improving upon me thus. Had she threatened me, I should have soon been master of one arm, and in both! But for so sincere a virtue to threaten herself, and not to offer to intimidate any other, and with so much presence of mind, as to distinguish, in the very passionate intention, the necessity of the act, defence of her honour, and so fairly to disavow lesser occasions: showed such a deliberation, such a choice, such a principle; and then keeping me so watchfully at a distance that I could not seize her hand, so soon as she could have given the fatal blow; how impossible not to be subdued by so true and so discreet a magnanimity!

But she is not gone. She shall not go. I will press her with letters for the Thursday. She shall yet be mine, legally mine. For, as to cohabitation, there is no such thing to be thought of.

The Captain shall give her away, as proxy for her uncle. My Lord will die. My fortune will help my will, and set me above everything and everybody.

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