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Why didn’t I look? The thought that the horror of Afghanistan had somehow reached out and hurt, possibly killed, Sarah or Daniel made me want to scream. For me it seemed somehow inevitable, but the idea of Sarah being harmed by the war? Or Carrie, or Alex, or any of them? It was unthinkable, unconscionable, and more than anything else I wanted to find out who was driving the other vehicle. I couldn’t grab their notebooks and leaf through them. But I could damn sure listen in on their conversations. And maybe find out who hurt Sarah ... and Daniel. Find out who tried to kill me. And there was one more thing I knew. I knew that strong emotions sometimes crossed right over.

I knew that if anyone involved with hurting her was still around, they were going to pay.

I’ll go to hell with him (Carrie)

“Carrie,” Dylan said. “Um ... the police want to talk to you.”

I squeezed Alexandra’s hand and said, “Alexandra explained what was going on. I’m ready.”

He nodded. Something in his expression seemed lost in the empty space between grief and rage. Even as confused and lost as I felt right now, I wanted to reach out and hug him and erase that expression from his face.

Alexandra asked in a low voice, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’m gonna take a walk. Go with Carrie, I’ll be fine.” His jaw was working, grinding his teeth. I wanted to tell him to stop, to not feel this way, that everything was going to be okay. But I knew that was a lie.

He was like that the morning Major Smalls took Ray away. I’d called them that morning, in shock, not knowing what else to do. I remember picking up the phone and dialing Alexandra’s number without even thinking. She answered right away, sounding groggy, but when I told them what had happened, she didn’t hesitate.

“We’ll be there right away,” she had said, and hung up. True to her promise, Dylan and Alexandra were at my hotel room door twenty minutes later. By that time I’d taken a shower and changed and packed my bag. I wouldn’t be staying.

Dylan had insisted on hearing every detail. What did Major Smalls say? How about the FBI? How did Ray react? Did they give any indication of when we would know more?

All I could do was hand over the copy of the orders Ray had handed me. In the confusion of the moment, I’d forgotten to give them back to him.

Dylan read over it, an incredulous look on his face. Then he muttered a curse and paced away from me. “I’ve never seen orders like this. Call up on the same day with no notice at all? I guess they probably did that with some units on September 11, but for an inactive reservist? That doesn’t happen.”

I hadn’t really understood. “Why did they do that?”

He sighed. “Well ... there’s basically thee possibilities. Either they’re afraid of him running, refusing to testify. Or, they think he did something, and he’s going to be put on trial himself. Or they think he might be in danger.”

“Why would he be in danger?” I asked.

Dylan looked at me, his face distraught. “I’m not going to lie. Ray’s report is going to ruin some lives. People may go to prison for it. People we both know and love.” He had closed his eyes and run his fingers through his hair, almost like he was scrubbing his scalp. “You can’t imagine the courage it must have taken for him to send that report.”

His words may not have communicated the gravity of it, but his demeanor did. Especially when he said, “I almost wish he’d just ... not said anything. Listen to me, Carrie. I’m only saying this because he’s not here to say it. But I know he would, because he loves you and wants what’s best for you.”

“What?” I had asked.

He looked me in the eye and said, “This is only going to get ... very ugly ... from here. It’s not too late for you to walk away.”

Alexandra had gasped at the words, and I know my mouth gaped. They made me angry, and defensive. What kind of person did he think I was? Did Dylan really think I owed so little loyalty to the people I loved?

My teeth clenched, I asked, “Is that what you’re going to do? Walk away from your friend?”

“I owe Ray my life,” he replied. “I’ll go to hell with him, if necessary.”

I sniffed, my eyes suddenly watering. “Then I guess we all go there together.”

It was hard to think about his words now. About the warning in his eyes. Would I make the same decision now, knowing what we went through? Yes. In a heartbeat. Except for one thing, one little thing that put everything in doubt. That decision, that loyalty, put my sister Sarah at risk of death. Right now, there was nothing I could do for either one of them, lying there in their beds, Ray in surgery, Sarah in intensive care. I couldn’t alter their prospects, or heal them, or do anything. But I could damn well see that they got some justice.

“Come on,” I said to Alexandra, my voice firm. For the first time since I’d arrived at the hospital, I felt like the fog had cleared from my brain, and that I had a course of action ahead of me. As limited as it might be, I had something I could do. “Let’s go talk to the police.”

And then I was up and moving, faster than I think Alexandra was ready for, because I had to stop and wait for her to catch up. Then we walked together, down the hall to the conference room where the police and Army were waiting.

The room was small, with a tiny conference table. On the left side were Major Smalls and an Army Sergeant. Opposite me was an older man, his hair thinning, who wore a frayed

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