The Gambler Fyodor Dostoevsky (i love reading books .txt) š
- Author: Fyodor Dostoevsky
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On the other hand, I saw a Frenchman first win, and then lose, 30,000 francs cheerfully, and without a murmur. Yes; even if a gentleman should lose his whole substance, he must never give way to annoyance. Money must be so subservient to gentility as never to be worth a thought. Of course, the supremely aristocratic thing is to be entirely oblivious of the mire of rabble, with its setting; but sometimes a reverse course may be aristocratic to remark, to scan, and even to gape at, the mob (for preference, through a lorgnette), even as though one were taking the crowd and its squalor for a sort of raree show which had been organised specially for a gentlemanās diversion. Though one may be squeezed by the crowd, one must look as though one were fully assured of being the observerā āof having neither part nor lot with the observed. At the same time, to stare fixedly about one is unbecoming; for that, again, is ungentlemanly, seeing that no spectacle is worth an open stareā āare no spectacles in the world which merit from a gentleman too pronounced an inspection.
However, to me personally the scene did seem to be worth undisguised contemplationā āmore especially in view of the fact that I had come there not only to look at, but also to number myself sincerely and wholeheartedly with, the mob. As for my secret moral views, I had no room for them amongst my actual, practical opinions. Let that stand as written: I am writing only to relieve my conscience. Yet let me say also this: that from the first I have been consistent in having an intense aversion to any trial of my acts and thoughts by a moral standard. Another standard altogether has directed my life.ā āā ā¦
As a matter of fact, the mob was playing in exceedingly foul fashion. Indeed, I have an idea that sheer robbery was going on around that gaming-table. The croupiers who sat at the two ends of it had not only to watch the stakes, but also to calculate the gameā āan immense amount of work for two men! As for the crowd itselfā āwell, it consisted mostly of Frenchmen. Yet I was not then taking notes merely in order to be able to give you a description of roulette, but in order to get my bearings as to my behaviour when I myself should begin to play. For example, I noticed that nothing was more common than for anotherās hand to stretch out and grab oneās winnings whenever one had won. Then there would arise a dispute, and frequently an uproar; and it would be a case of āI beg of you to prove, and to produce witnesses to the fact, that the stake is yours.ā
At first the proceedings were pure Greek to me. I could only divine and distinguish that stakes were hazarded on numbers, on āoddā or āeven,ā and on colours. Polinaās money I decided to risk, that evening, only to the amount of 100 gĆ¼lden. The thought that I was not going to play for myself quite unnerved me. It was an unpleasant sensation, and I tried hard to banish it. I had a feeling that, once I had begun to play for Polina, I should wreck my own fortunes. Also, I wonder if anyone has ever approached a gaming-table without falling an immediate prey to superstition? I began by pulling out fifty gĆ¼lden, and staking them on āeven.ā The wheel spun and stopped at 13. I had lost! With a feeling like a sick qualm, as though I would like to make my way out of the crowd and go home, I staked another fifty gĆ¼ldenā āthis time on the red. The red turned up. Next time I staked the 100 gĆ¼lden just where they layā āand again the red turned up. Again I staked the whole sum, and again the red turned up. Clutching my 400 gĆ¼lden, I placed 200 of them on twelve figures, to see what would come of it. The result was that the croupier paid me out three times my total stake! Thus from 100 gĆ¼lden my store had grown to 800! Upon that such a curious, such an inexplicable, unwonted feeling overcame
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