Sealed with a Hiss Addison Moore (large screen ebook reader .txt) 📖

empty casket, Juni. I’m sure Bizzy will find someone to fill it with before the night is through.”

The four of them share a laugh on my behalf, but I’m not guffawing along with them.

It just so happens there has been a rash of homicides in Cider Cove these past few months, and I may have solved one or two.

Okay, fine. I’ve solved them all, but in Jasper’s defense, he wasn’t too far behind in the investigative effort.

Jasper lands beside me and kindly offers up a cookie to just about every woman in the row as the lights dim a notch and a spotlight falls over the two blondes in charge of these funeral festivities.

Jordy is working the lights for us tonight. He’s not just the handyman, and groundskeeper slash security guard, but he’s the stage crew around here as well. He may not be my husband anymore, but I sure spend every day giving him a list of chores to get done around the inn.

“Welcome!” Bobbie gleams in her pink sparkling gown as she waves to the amped up crowd. “I’m Bobbie Buckingham, and this is the other half of my brain, Lacey Lovelace!”

The crowd loses its collective mind, and soon the women all around me are howling on their feet.

Lacey laughs. “Oh, come on, ladies. We’re just like you—we put our yoga pants on one leg at a time.” Laughter ensues at that one.

“That’s their thing,” Mom whispers my way. “They’re supposed to be super relatable.” She fans herself twice as hard. “What I wouldn’t give to be wearing nothing but yoga pants right about now.”

My mother has never shied away from sharing what she feels, even if what she feels involves partial nudity.

“Ladies—girls”—Bobbie looks to the crowd and laughs—“I can’t believe this turnout! First, I want to thank you all for your continued support.”

Lacey nods. “Thank you for listening and calling into the Perfect Pairing podcasts, where we wax poetic about all matters of the heart! We love to hear what you have to say.”

“That’s right,” Bobbie is quick to agree. “And thank you for coming out to all of our events—especially this one. I’m sure kicking off a month dedicated to romance with a funeral isn’t exactly where you saw things going, but now that you’ve written a goodbye letter to those dead relationships in your past, don’t you feel better?”

The crowd gives an approving roar.

Lacey raises a hand. “And I’d like to go on record that my letter was the first in that casket! Heck, it was so therapeutic, I might just write about six more to the same rotten ex before the night is through. Nothing feels as good as killing off the person who gives you nightmares—except for maybe getting to do it again and again and again.”

The crowd goes wild, and for a second I’m afraid if a single ex walks into the room we’re bound to have a lynching.

Bobbie and Lacey regale the room with stories of embittered past relationships before giving the floor to the crowd while their manager, Diane Regal, runs up and down the aisles with a microphone as the women around us share their war stories. Those spine-chilling relationship horrors serve as cautionary tales to those of us listening. They run the gamut from cheaters to scammers and everything in between.

Finally, the spotlight falls back to the front where Lacey waves to the crowd.

“Now let’s allow those dead relationships to rot in the past where they belong.” She holds a hand out toward her sparkling twin, Bobbie. “From here on out, we want to focus on love.” The women in the room give a collective cheer.

Jasper leans my way. Do you see that guy standing to our left? Isn’t he that guy we met earlier? Bobbie’s husband?

I glance that way, and sure enough, the man with dark curly hair is looking right at me. His mind is filled with nothing but white noise, and I straighten in my seat. As far as mind reading goes, white noise acts as some sort of shut-off valve that clues me in on the fact the person experiencing it is having some serious lascivious thoughts. And in this man’s case, I’d bet good money those thoughts were pinned in my direction.

“I think so.” I clear my throat. “Yup, that’s him. Bobbie’s husband.” That last word comes out with a bit of marked aggression. I can’t help it. I don’t like the idea of being taken advantage of anywhere, let alone in someone else’s mind.

Jasper shakes his head and his jaw redefines itself. I don’t need to be a mind reader to know he’s undressing you with his eyes. If there is a body later, you can bet it will be his—and you won’t have to look far for the killer. It will be me.

I make a face at him.

Jasper is teasing just as much as he is serious.

I glance back that way, and that same dark-haired man in a suit that asked to speak to him earlier is standing next to Chip, poking a finger in his chest before stalking off.

Maybe he caught Chip ogling his wife, too? Nothing would surprise me anymore.

“And to all of you—” Lacey grins out at the crowd with what look to be shards glimmering in her eyes. My money is on fake tears. “We want to thank every one of you for participating in our relationship funeral tonight. And as a reward, we want to give you all a free month’s subscription to our new dating app, the Perfect Pairing!” The crowd howls with glee—my mother, Georgie, Juni, and Macy happen to be the loudest and the longest in the howling department. “That’s right!” Lacey shouts, amping up the crowd twice as much as before. “And we expect to see all of you and your shiny new beaus right back here on the night of the fourteenth for an exclusive Perfect Pairing Valentine’s Day soiree. Just bring your tickets from this evening, and you’ll have free