Keep My Secrets Elena Wilkes (best self help books to read .txt) 📖

asking about milk and sugar and biscuits which gave her a chance to get up the stairs before her legs gave up on her completely. Dragging herself into the bathroom, she locked the door and sat with her back against it as the shakes got to her, an uncontrollable, pummelling quake that shook her to the core. She hears the low rumble of voices from downstairs and the occasional guffaw of laughter, and closes her eyes.

What the fuck just happened?

Resting her forehead on her knees, she tries to force her head to comprehend the thing that cannot be real. She had taken one look at Martin and the whole world, the hallway, the kitchen, Alex, had disappeared. All that was left was the two of them standing in a space like the eye of a tornado. A hundred buried emotions, sensations, bloomed and burst in time-lapse photographs.

She lifts her head, staring wide-eyed around the bathroom: her bathroom that looks the same as it always does – and yet downstairs in her kitchen, her and Alex’s kitchen, is the man who changed her life forever.

No. No. No.

He had walked into her house as though it was any other house on any other day and she was any other person. Her head rests back on the door and she grinds her scalp until she can feel the ridges of the panel bite. So he had found her, and watched her, and in so doing, had found Alex too – such a simple way into her life, a way that would ensure she was completely cornered.

There’s a soft knocking on the door.

‘You okay in there?’ Alex’s muffled voice comes from the other side.

She doesn’t think it’s possible to be further from okay.

He taps again gently. ‘Frankie…?’ The tapping gets more insistent.

She gathers her legs under her. ‘Yes… Yes, I’m fine. I-I was just leaving you two alone to…’ She can hear her voice trailing off as the enormity of the situation begins to dawn. Her ears begin to buzz with tension, her ribs constrict her lungs. She clutches hold of the side of the basin and tries to breathe… just breathe…

‘One minute. Hang on a sec.’ She unlocks the door and steps back.

‘You sure you’re okay? You look… Did something happen? That weirdo guy… He hasn’t—’ He puts a protective hand on her arm.

‘I’m fine, honestly.’ She shakes her hair back and attempts to smooth it so he won’t see the tremble in her hands.

‘I didn’t know you’d be back so soon… I thought—’ He pauses and takes a breath. ‘Look, I’ve been meaning to mention Martin before, but things got—’ he waves. ‘It’s part of this life-change stuff I’m talking about – I can’t spend my time alone in this house, driving myself slowly insane. It’s not fair on me and definitely not fair on you. So I thought, okay, I’ll make some positive changes. The first thing I’ll do is start making new friends… That’s a good thing, isn’t it?’ He gives her a puzzled look.

‘Yes… yes, of course. It’s a great idea.’

‘And Martin’s a really nice guy. We got chatting at the centre about a month ago and really hit it off. He’s in much the same situation as me, I think. He’s recently moved into the area, so he doesn’t know many people.’

‘Right. Yes.’ She thinks her head might explode.

‘So I invited him round for dinner tonight.’

‘Tonight? But I thought—’

Alex shrugs. ‘I wasn’t even convinced you’d turn up, to be honest. I didn’t want to eat on my own again.’

She stares at him open-mouthed. ‘I have to go.’

‘Go—? What?… Why?’ He’s instantly irritated.

‘I rang Diane back…’ she stumbles. ‘It’s about the meeting on Monday. I have to prepare for it… See her and talk to her, maybe. I’m not sure.’

Please go, please go, please just go…

At the mention of work his face sets. ‘And this is because I’ve invited someone round, is it?’

‘Sorry?’

‘All this’ – he waves a hand – ‘what shall we call it? This performance. Are you sulking about what I said on the phone, is that it?’ He narrows his eyes. ‘Is all this because my attention isn’t solely focussed on you?’

‘What? No!’

‘You seem to use Diane and work as an excuse for everything. Sure, I get it – you’re under pressure, but you do manage to turn everything back to you and your problems: your needs.’ He’s not even attempting to keep his voice down. ‘Y’know what, Frankie? How about doing something purely for me for a change? See how that feels, huh?’

He pulls the door closed with a definite thump and she lets her knees give way as she slumps backwards onto the laundry box. There’s a flood of relief that he’s left. She catches sight of herself in the mirror. Her reflection looks like it’s a long way away. The face is white and pinched, the eyes are round and startled-looking. They’re reddened and bloodshot and mad.

She has to get out of this house. She can’t bear it a second longer.

Opening the door slowly, she stands on the landing, heart pounding, and listens. Her ears pick out Martin’s voice instantly as though he has a frequency all of his own. How she wishes she could block him out, stop her ears and run, and keep on running. She tiptoes down each tread to the front door and grabs her bag. Fumbling with the door catch, she makes it out onto the driveway and heads for the car.

‘Frankie!’

She freezes with the door open and one hand on the wheel. Behind her there’s the tread and scuff of feet. The passenger side opens and everything stops. Alex’s face dips to appear in the gap. She’s trapped.

‘Actually, Martin was just telling me he needs to get the bus into town, but I have no idea how often they run. If you’re going out, maybe you could drop him off?’

She is aware that Martin is right there behind him on the drive. She tries to collect herself but fails.

Alex