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the door.

Elita’s mother moves beside her and changes her facial expression and looks at her daughter with love and happiness. “Oh honey, that’s great. Why don’t you and the girls go out back and I can get you some drinks? Your brother won’t be here for a bit, he’s still at work.”

There’s more conversation, the girl asking who this is, even saying hello to Elita. But I cannot concentrate because when her mother pushed past Elita, she turned to watch the exchange, and I could see her heart breaking right in front of me.

This was a terrible idea.

Brother?

I’m hearing the words and watching the scene play out. Comprehension is not instant for me, it’s a trickle. A few drops of information, the first being my mother opening the door.

Her hair, smooth, long and healthy. It had always been long. The images ingrained in my memories, are not what I see before me. I remember having to help brush her stringy, dry, brittle hair for her job appointment meetings. It would fall out in clumps, no doubt from the long-time consumption of meth.

Should I feel happy she cleaned up her life? Clearly, she’s no longer hooked on the crystal pipe. Should I lie to myself that for some silly childish reason I had a moment of thinking things could be different now that she was?

I must remember to tell Topher again, that what happened in Coober Pedy was not his fault. The feeling of wanting love from your mother is overwhelming. That even for me, after all these years and how she had abandoned me, I still had a glimmer of hope. When she opened the door, for a split second, I wanted her to tell me how sorry she was. How much she thought about me every day. Topher had his parent’s back and begging for forgiveness just to induct him into their cult of worship. He didn’t stand a chance.

Stupid, that’s what that was. But, why did I not expect she moved on and had another family? That was naïve. I’m slowly realising this vault I have put all the bad memories and thoughts in is not safe, is not helping at all. I could have been more prepared. Just like the amulet and my reliance on it that had me suffering withdrawals. It’s my own damn fault.

That’s it. As soon as I am over this hurdle and my life is not in imminent danger, I will get rid of the amulet, learn how to control all aspects of this power. And take control back of my life.

Leo was right.

Once the girl, not much younger than me, gives me a once over with her friends, she passes through the front door, throwing her shopping bag over her shoulder. My darkness has completely taken over. I’m woman enough to realise that. I hate her already.

My only course of action now is survival. This woman is truly nothing to me anymore. She will never hold the title of mother in my mind or heart. Her name is Irina, and Irina has information that I need.

The door slams shut, and she swings her head back around to me. Her smile replaced with disdain as she opens her mouth to talk.

“What is it you want? Money?” she hisses. “How much?”

I laugh.

I have no idea why. It’s completely inappropriate and the complete opposite as to how her words affect me. What else am I meant to do at this point?

She looks at me like I’m insane.

Right now, I do feel a little crazy, so she’s not too far off.

“Irina, I don’t want your money.” The laughter disappears. I’m drained, physically and emotionally.

“Well, what is it you want?” she says. “You are risking my family, coming here like this.”

And again, quite obvious she does not put me in that category.

“Really? I take it they don’t know you were a junkie prostitute?” This tactic is the best for two reasons: one, it feels good to be mean. The second, people that let their emotions take control always reveal too much and don’t realise it. And, she looks pissed.

“I was never a prostitute,” she hisses and pushes me further away from the door. Bingo, her sore point.

“There is nothing wrong with that as a profession,” I say standing tall. How dare she think she’s better than anyone else that has sex for money. Life happens and choices are thrust upon us. That I can understand. Her thinking she is somehow above it, I don’t.

Her mouth drops open and gasps.

She then looks me up and down again before turning her attention to the men waiting for me.

Well, that doesn’t look good.

I shrug, she can think what she wants.

“Irina, I’m not here to argue the merits of the sex work industry. I want to know who my biological father is. Tell me that, and I will leave you be. And trust me when I tell you this.” I clasp my hands together. “I promise, there will never be another time in my life I will ever seek you out and look at your face again.”

She winces.

That surprises me, but I feel nothing.

Irina recovers quickly. “Yeah, you may hate me, but you have no idea what I went through. You don’t know how hard it was growing up with my family.”

Is she really complaining about how she was treated by her family?

“No, I don’t. Nor do I care. Unless it has to do with who my biological father is and how I got this tattoo on the back of my neck, I couldn’t give two fucks about what you went through.”

I clench my amulet. I can just remove this and get the information from her I want.

I know it will work. It worked with Gregory at the bookstore. This could all be so much easier.

But I can’t.

It’s one thing hearing the words coming out of her mouth about how little I mean to her. I will not survive hearing her internal thoughts confirming it.

If she doesn’t

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