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shoulder. “Are you going to eat those birds?”

“Unlikely, the feathers do not agree with my digestion.”

“Could I have them?” Ember held out her hand and received them. “Thanks, I’ll let you have a taste of a Fireberry specialty — Bird-Jakkala.”

It sounded spicy to William. “What’s it taste like?”

“Fried bird bits and every spice I have with me.”

“Aww yes, wizard whiskey and fried birb.” William sucked in some drool. “With buns for dessert.”

“They have been simmering for a few days now, on a low heat.” Ember blushed, poking out the tip of her tongue.

Rulu slapped her ass with a tail, eliciting a yelp. “How dare you flaunt your ownership of him after I gifted you birds?”

“Sorry!”

William laughed.

“You should be.” Rulu’s sneer sharpened. “The muffled sounds of your ‘night watch’ disturbed my slumber.”

“Oof.” William cringed. “I hope we didn’t make you feel uncomfortable.”

“You most certainly did, but I may forgive you if… if…” Rulu’s words turned to her native tongue as her regal composure began to flake off. “If… Gah!” She snapped back to normal Rulu. “You know what? You both ought to be offering yourselves to me and be glad to bask in the attention of a royal aboleth. You ought and PRAY for my affection. Courtship should not play out in this convoluted humiliation charade! How does one typically do the… Erm. ARRGH!” She clawed at her reddening face, groaning.

William started to feel painfully strong second-hand-shame. It was agonizing to watch Rulu crumble, but also a little amusing. Okay, more than a little amusing. She looked cute all flustered. Or maybe I’m an asshole for thinking that.

Ember raised an ear. She touched Rulu cautiously. “You wanted to join? To umm… join in the lewd stuff?”

“NNnno! Not specifically. What I mean to say was… Well, among other things, but… Yes. Yes. I did want to, as you so crudely put it, participate in the ‘lewd’.”

“Huh?” Ember’s eyes widened in a genuine surprise. She gave William and Rulu a puzzled expression. “Will looks at you often. I’m sure, if you asked, he would be happy to include you. He has shown me his desires through the blessing.”

“Truly?” Rulu blinked, looking at him.

William nearly lost his grip on the chest. I thought you were joking when you said human wizards have harems. Is that a thing over here? Aren’t you jealous? Two chicks at once. Can this be possibly done? He made sounds, but they didn’t construct full words, let alone sentences. He’d dreamt of if sure, but never had William considered it becoming reality.

The two stared.

Say something.

“Heyoo, folks guess who’s back!” Orien waved over the ruined walls of the building next door. “Looks like you took my advice on lonely Rangers dying seriously— Wait what?! An aboleth!”

Rulu’s eyes narrowed in a wary frown.

The triton fell off the wall. Voices of a group larger than six stirred behind it. A familiar granite gray troll leaned on the neck-high wall like it was a picket fence and grinned like it was his lawn. “Welcome back, Ranger, Ember.”

They said, “Thanks.”

Smell of a campfire and spices on Trotto’s hands made him smell like BBQ.

“Seeing as you’re back from Rangery business wanna hop on over? We’ve the makings of an outdoor tavern here and I’m not sure it passes all them Frontier regulations.” Trotto winked, taking a swig from a bottle that looked tiny in his grip.

Perfect timing. “An unsanctioned outdoor tavern you say? I suppose, seeing as I’m the Ranger, I would be obliged to come over for a quick inspection. How about it girls? Let’s join them for a few drinks.”

“You think this allows you to flee from answering me honestly?” Rulu crossed arms under her chest, glaring.

William raised his hands. “Oh, no such thing. Let’s take a breather from the walking, clear our heads, and think it through. I need to think about it. I mean, I’m tempted, but… Yeah, Ranger business calls!”

He leapt over the wall to join adventurers around a campfire.

***

It was a night of tone-deaf Frontier singalongs, half of which doubled as drinking games. Wine and whiskey flowed up to that tipping point where William’s tongue felt blurry and thoughts sorta slurry. It was nice to let go for once.

Real. Damn. Nice.

Two pairs of titties stuck glued to him for hours — one squishy and one perky, both yummy. Leaning his head back to see the stars gently sway in place, William realized his head was buzzed juuuust right. One more would be too much. One less would’ve been too little. Sorry for doubting you God. You do you, with mysterious ways and all that shizz.

William closed his eyes for a moment.

“Will. Wiiiiilll.” Ember shook him, drawing his lazy gaze to her drunken pout. “Can we goooo?”

“Hmm? Go where? We’re right here.” William gave her a teasing grin, lifting his hand to boop her snoot.

She pressed her nose against his finger. “Cudd-leee-he-he~”

“Go e-he-he yourself.” He tried to give her forehead a kiss, but her lips caught it instead. Tastes of whiskey and grilled bird lingered in her mouth. Someone cheered in the background as Ember mounted him, shamelessly fondling him through the pants.

Rulu stirred as William tried to move his other arm, blinking open. Her luminescent patterns flickered in asymmetric pulses. “Noooo. Don’t leave meeee…”

“Do you want to come?” Ember left the kiss and bent down nose-to-nose with the tipsily swaying aboleth.

“I want… I want…” Her gaze was hazy and voice slow. “Want yee…”

“You want. Okay lessgo, Will carry? Carry us both Will, you’re strong.” Ember began to jerk his arm again and William realized she was as badly hammered as Rulu. Though he was tenting against her hand, a momentary hesitation lit in William’s brain.

“Na. Can’t.. Shouldn’t,” he said.

Ember groaned, sagging against his chest. “Come why?”

Why? His brain drew

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