Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus Kathleen Bogle (general ebook reader .txt) 📖

gender role. According to advice books from that era, men and women were supposed to play opposite but “complementary” roles in the dating script.27 Men were expected to initiate the date and “take the lead” throughout the evening; men were also responsible for any expenses incurred on the date.28

Women, on the other hand, were supposed to wait to be asked out on a date, let the man determine the plan for the date, and so on. The dating script did not allow much room for altering the roles played by men and women. In the hooking-up era, college students are more focused on 166

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groups of friends going out together. Of course, those who end up engaging in a hookup encounter pair off at the end of the night, but the evening’s socializing is done among a gathering of classmates.

The shift to group socializing also means that no one is forced out of the social scene. Although there may have been some “mixers” where singles could go to socialize in the dating era, weekends were often reserved for “date nights.” There also may have been occasions where a person would go “stag,” but socializing was done primarily in dating pairs. The hookup script does not dictate that one must hook up in order to socialize in places where hooking up is possible. On any given night there are many more students out partying or bar hopping than will actually hook up. In fact, many of the men and women I interviewed who were in exclusive relationships still went to campus parties and bars with their friends at least some of the time. Thus, although the dating script left many students sitting at home while their classmates went out on “hot dates,” the hookup scene promotes a form of interaction where, at least theoretically, anyone can join the party.29 To be sure, there are men and women in the hookup scene who are more sought after than others (just as there were in the dating era). The difference is that the men and women who do not rate high on the desirability scale are less likely to be shut out from being a part of the social scene altogether.30

Group socializing is also central to men and women after college.

Although alumni switch primarily to a dating script, the dating pair is not at the center of social life as it was in the dating era. As a result, the men and women I interviewed revealed that they primarily intermingle among friends at parties and bars, with dating an outgrowth of the way they socialize in general.

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As group partying became increasingly central to the lives of students, so did the significance of alcohol to the sexual script. During the dating era, drinking was not a major focus of the typical date.31 It is well documented that many contemporary college students consume a great deal of alcohol.32 Many of the students I spoke with, including Liz, a freshman from Faith University, indicated that drinking and hooking up went hand-in-hand because hookup encounters generally occur after a night of partying.

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KB: If somebody was interested in someone else, how would they have something happen with them? How do you get from A to B?

Liz: Probably alcohol would be a big factor and like the parties and stuff. Like it’s just, like if something’s going to happen it will be like at the party or things will evolve [from there and]

you’ll hang out with them one on one [later].

The hookup culture and the alcohol culture on campus are so inextricably linked that students who choose to forgo the party and bar scene are also excluding themselves from the hookup scene. Since hooking up is the primary means for finding potential sexual and romantic partners, those who do not participate struggle to form relationships.

KB: So what do people do then . . . if most hooking up happens when you’re drinking and you don’t really drink much, then how can people like you have something going [relationship-wise] . . . or would it be really difficult?

Kim: I kind of feel like in college it’s more difficult just because that’s what everybody does . . . that’s been my experience.

I mean, it’s fine; it’s not hard to meet people through classes and through organizations and stuff. But, I really feel like a lot of relationships do start at parties and stuff. So . . .

maybe I am missing out on that right now. [Sophomore, Faith University]

The connection between hooking up and alcohol-centered socializing on campus is not insignificant. Researchers have demonstrated that alcohol consumption is correlated with the decision to have sexual intercourse as well as engaging in so-called risky sexual behavior, such as having casual sex.33 Many college students I interviewed recognized that, at times, alcohol “made them do things” that they would not otherwise do, particularly with regard to hooking up.34 Brian, a sophomore at Faith University, said, “Usually when you’re hooking up . . . [both parties have] probably been drinking. You know, it’s just like: ‘Oh we’re doing this cause we’re both drunk and we’re both kind of horny,’ to be honest with you.”

Although alcohol consumption may lead to hooking up, the link could also be reversed; that is, perhaps the hookup script requires alcohol.35 In 168

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other words, alcohol appears to be a desirable social lubricant to aid the hookup process. Although hooking up is often a desired outcome for students after an evening at a party or bar, for the most part it is not clear who is going to hook up with whom. During the dating era, it was clear to everyone who someone’s date was for the evening. If a sexual advance was going to be