A Home Like Ours Fiona Lowe (good novels to read .txt) 📖

like the night sky, only instead of stars, it was need for her.

She leaned down to kiss him again, her breasts brushing his chest, and her hair fell in her eyes. She pushed it away and then she was staring into his eyes again, only now they were filled with caution. It knifed her.

‘What?’ she said.

His mouth pulled to one side as if he was in pain. ‘Do we really want to do this?’

She opened her mouth to yell Hell yes! then heard the word ‘we’.

He means does he really want to do this.

It was like being hit by a cascade of icy water. Rafts of goosebumps rippled across her skin—the pain of rejection overlaid with acute embarrassment. Her throat tightened, trapping her scream, and then—damn it—she was sobbing. Hard and ugly crying.

Desperate to run, to hide, she scrambled off him.

Zac moved too. Before she understood what was happening, she was wrapped in a sheet and in his arms. He kissed her hair. ‘Please. Don’t cry.’

But the floodgates had opened and couldn’t be shut. ‘You d-don’t f-find me attractive either!’

‘What? No! You’re amazing. Sexy. Gorgeous and—’

‘Shut up! How can I be any of those things when not even my personal trainer wants to have sex with me.’

‘I didn’t say I didn’t want to have sex with you. I just don’t think we should.’

Anger broke through her paralysing embarrassment and she twisted away from him, feeling pain in her shoulder.

‘Have I misunderstood all our texting and flirting? Or is that just part of the official marathon-training handbook?’

Offence scored his cheeks. ‘No!’

She had no idea what ‘no’ meant. ‘Then why are you sending mixed messages? I thought one of the perks of your job was having sex with willing clients.’

His olive skin pinked and he dropped his gaze. ‘The thing is, Tara, the clients I have sex with are women I don’t care about.’

Her head threatened to explode and at the same time exhaustion pulled at every part of her. ‘I don’t understand.’

For a long moment, the only noise in the room was the hum of the fridge, then a long sigh shuddered out of Zac. ‘Of course I’m attracted to you. You have an incredible body, but it’s complicated.’

‘I think you have an incredible body too, so how is it complicated?’ But even as she said the words she heard her voice choking on reality.

‘I really like you, Tara. You’re clever and funny and you chase PBs as hard as I do. You’ve been amazing the way you’ve supported me building the business and giving me solid advice. That Tara reminds me of my big sister. My friend.’

He moved so he was facing her. ‘For months, I never got a hint you were interested in me other than as a personal trainer. The few times I tried flirting, you shut me down fast, talking about your husband and your kids. I respected that. But lately, everything’s changed. You’ve stopped blocking the flirting. I’m not proud I took advantage of that and I hate it’s given you the wrong idea. Thing is, you’re not like the other older women I have sex with. Makes me wonder what’s going on in your life?’

What’s going on in your life? Tara’s eyes burned hot and dry. The only person who’d come close to noticing things between her and Jon were off was Shannon and now she was on the other side of the world. Instead, Tara’s buff, goal-focused personal trainer with his limited vocabulary was asking her the question Kelly and Rhianna should be voicing. The irony wasn’t lost on her. A vicious laugh rocked out of her, harsh and raw, the jagged sound bouncing around the room before coming back and circling her in pain. It took her a second to realise the agonising sensation gripping her was coming from just under her scapula.

‘Ice pack,’ she breathed out.

Zac stared at her. ‘What?’

‘Muscle. Spasm.’

He strode to the freezer and returned with a gel pack wrapped in a tea towel along with some ibuprofen. ‘If it isn’t too weird, I could help you get your top back on and massage the spasm.’

Could her life get any stranger? She sighed. ‘Thanks. I promise not to jump you.’

‘Right back at you.’

He pulled her crop top back into place, minimising movement to limit the pain. Then his strong fingers worked on the area.

‘Arrgh!’ The air rushed out of her lungs. ‘You trying to kill me?’

‘Sorry. When you fell you must have strained a paraspinal muscle. They hurt like a bitch.’ He pressed the ice pack into place. ‘That has to stay here for ten minutes. How about you use the time to tell me what’s going on.’

The usual awkwardness Tara experienced when she tried to talk about her and Jon lessened under the weight of having been half naked with Zac and by the sincerity of his concern.

‘You nailed it. Things in my life have changed. My husband no longer wants to have sex with me.’

‘Wow. Okay. That’s big.’

‘Yeah.’

‘So he’s having an affair?’

‘He insists he isn’t.’

‘It’s hard to hide an affair in a small town.’

‘Talking from experience, are you?’ she asked, half teasing, half serious.

‘Little bit. Has anyone dropped any hints that he’s screwing around on you?’

‘No.’

‘What do your friends say?’

‘They don’t know. It’s not exactly easy dropping “Jon doesn’t want to have sex any more” into the conversation.’ She thought of Kelly. ‘They’d either say “lucky you” or they’d feast on the gossip that my very blokey husband can’t get it up any more, then rush home and tell their husbands. As furious as I am with Jon, he doesn’t deserve that.’

Zac shifted next to her. ‘So, he can’t … at all? He’s … Has he tried Viagra?’

What was it about men and the word ‘impotent’? Did they think if they spoke it out loud it might suddenly affect them?

‘I tried, but he won’t take it. He says he doesn’t have a problem. Maybe I am the problem. Maybe he’s right and I am totally obsessed by sex.