Titan: A LitRPG Adventure (UnderVerse Book 4) Jez Cajiao (top ten books of all time TXT) 📖

“You think I should have left you?” I shot back, pushing myself to my feet, only to have her grab the collar of my tunic and pull me forward to glare at me nose to nose.

“Yer damn well know yer should have!” She snapped, fury dancing in her eyes. “I’m yer guard, not th’ other way around!” She shoved me back, gesturing at the rest of the group. “They all had ter come, they dove in ter save us, because their job is ter look after ye! And you, yer stupid son of a bitch, yer were on th’ front line, fighting a goddamn hopeless retreat, because yer too fuckin’ stupid an’ stubborn ter know yer place!”

“I…” I sputtered, before Grizz cut me off.

“She’s right.” He shot a glare at me before dropping his gaze to the fire and turning a section of meat suspended on a skewer over the flames. Suddenly, the smell of the fat dripping into the fire, bursting and popping with flavor, was all I could think about, until he continued. “We’re all here for you. We exist to protect you, and you’re trying to be the ‘tank,’ as you call it. Have you any idea how terrifying that is?” He asked , still not looking at me. “To know that for the first time in hundreds of years, we have a chance at an honorable life? At being the true Legion again? That we could bring it all back, save the fucking Empire itself, as every goddamn Legionnaire who’s ever lived since the Cataclysm has dreamed of doing? And knowing that instead, we’ll have our names and memories cursed for the next thousand years as the incompetent arseholes who let you die?” He growled, turning the meat more than necessary, and I fumbled for my words, when, of all people, Miren spoke up.

“You saved us in the Tower, you gave us a home, but what do you think will happen when you die?” she asked softly. “Do you think everyone will forget what you did and just leave us alone?”

“They’ll drop everything and rush to take your place, to take the Tower and kill any witnesses that see it.” Stephanos added slowly.

“But…” I managed to get out, before Tang spoke up.

“Then they’ll wipe out the Legion, seeing us as a liability, waiting for another lord to challenge them. They’ll use the excuse that we followed you to wipe us out to the last, hunting us down. Thousands of Legionnaires out there who’ve never met you would be slaughtered by the nobility, just in case. It’d be the only excuse they need.” He grimaced, flicking a pebble into the flames.

“What the hell?” I snapped, interrupting the group ‘let’s give Jax shit’ love-in. “Seriously…” I started, before Lydia interrupted me again.

“You’d take all that from us, because yer can’t bear to think about where yer should be. Yer can’t fuckin’ accept that we can fight too, that we can sacrifice…”

“You can’t!” I snarled, cutting her off, and the room went silent in shock. “You hear me?” My voice bounced off the walls and echoed back as I felt the weight, the burden I’d been carrying for so long, lifting as it was released. “You can’t do what I have to do; you can’t be me!” I threw my hands in the air, unable to stop my own words. “You all want me to just let you die, to step back and let you make that sacrifice? Well, I fucking can’t! That’s not what I am!” I glared around at their stunned expressions.

“You think I can’t let you have your place in the line because I’m, what? Too fucking greedy for glory? Is that it?”  I growled. “It’s not! It’s that if I’m going to be the next Emperor, the center of all this… this shit!” I cried, waving my hands around, ”then I have to be ME!” I slammed both fists into my chest. “You want to know why I’m on the front line, why I have to fight? Because I’m too fucking weak! I’m too weak to see you die, to see more of you give up your lives for me, because I’m not worth it!” My voice dropped to a whisper as I felt my eyes burning with unshed tears.

“You don’t get it. None of you do,” I said mournfully, shaking my head. “I’ve only ever had Tommy, my brother…” I explained quietly. “We only ever had each other to rely on. Everyone else, and I mean everyone, either died and left us alone or tried to fuck us over. There was only ever him I could count on, and now, there’s you. There’s all of you. I’ve gone from having no one I could trust to watch my back, to having you. You’re my new family, and I’ll burn in hell before I give up a single one of you if I can save you,” I growled. “If I have to be the fucking Emperor, or the Scion, or the Lord, or whatever, then I’ll be that, but I’ll be me, and I’ll do it my fucking way, because you don’t know what I could be! You have no goddamn idea what I could be if I let things slide, if I just said, ‘fuck it’ and took that first little step, and the next. You all think I’m a good man? I’m not.” I shook my head adamantly.

“I’m an evil bastard when I stop caring; I’m a man you’d pray to never see coming in the dark. I’m capable of being the worst monster you’ve ever fucking imagined, so I can’t let myself take that step, let myself walk away. Not if there’s even the slightest chance I can save you all, protect you. Because I’m not a good man, you see…” I mumbled, shaking my head again. “I’m an unbelievably bad man who’s trying to be better, and I can’t be anything else.