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whole year with my boy. I missed a whole year of watching him grow. And this was my choice, unlike your situation. Yes, I was physically there with him, but my heart was somewhere else, still in the past with my wife. My soul grew angry over the what-ifs and what could have been.”

He takes another sip. “One day, I got so drunk, I almost crashed my car into a tree. In that split second, not only did I miss the tree, but I sobered up faster than a speeding bullet. I told myself right there that my son deserved better, that I deserved better. Yes, someone I loved was taken from me, and I’ll never get her back. Not in this life. But I decided that my son was still here and my wife would’ve wanted me to move on and raise him to the best of my ability.”

Sayeed adjusts himself in his seat to finish his story. “I parked my car on the side of the road and walked to the nearest mosque in the area. Drunk and all. As I passed couples and smiling families on the street, I felt the bitterness resurface. Before I allowed it to swallow me whole again, I ran. I ran so fast it was as if I was trying to escape my body. When I approached the building, do you know what was posted on the sign out front?”

He looks at me now, expectant.

I shrug, so Sayeed answers for me. “‘God does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.’”

He takes a deep breath. “I took that as a sign from both the heavens and my wife that I could do better and be better. That I could go back to the man I was and care for my son the right way. I was given another chance to shape Samir’s perception of life, the only way a father can. Just like you were given with that phone call.”

He stands and puts his hand on my shoulder. “This is not ideal for you, Jaxon, but life isn’t always ideal. Take this chance and run with it. Don’t let it slip through your fingers. Because one day that little girl will be seven, and ten, and seventeen. She won’t remember when you became her dad, but she will remember the type of father you were. So don’t get caught up on the what-ifs or what could’ve been. It’s what you do with the knowledge you have now that’ll shape your relationship with that little girl. Trust me.”

I feel myself choke up again. Sayeed’s revelation feels like cold water colliding with the flames that have been burning in my chest since I found out Emersyn is my daughter.

I stand up and hug the only man who’s ever been a true father figure to me, thanking whatever god he prays to that he’s softened this man’s heart and has allowed me to be in his life.

After our heart to heart, we got to work on my next move. Sayeed called his brother, who’s an attorney, and let him know my situation. Although Abe isn’t a family lawyer, he’s confident he can help me. The first thing he said to do was get my paternity status documented and file for shared custody. After a couple hours of talking, he took down my information and got to work on the paperwork I needed.

I’m at work, feeling much more optimistic about my situation than I was earlier. I text Gelissa to let her know my plans.

Jaxon: Got the results. I wanna see my daughter tomorrow.

Gelissa: Well, I’m gonna need some money to buy her some stuff she needs.

Jaxon: Whatever, I’ll give it to you tomorrow.

Gelissa: I’ve decided to stay at my cousin’s apartment. If you’re coming to get her, make sure you bring the money.

I know her game, but I don’t give a shit at this point. I’ll spend whatever is necessary to make sure my daughter has what she needs, including a place to live. Emersyn will never find herself fighting for her next meal or a place to sleep, not as long as I’m breathing.

Thirty-seven

Cameron

“There are so many options, I don’t know which one to get.” I hear Jaxon as I check my phone for the time.

“Infant? Toddler? Convertible?” He’s wide-eyed, walking through Target looking for a car seat for Emersyn.

We’re picking her up today around one o’clock for the first time.

He stayed up all night putting together a small wooden toddler bed for her in the second bedroom. Jaxon bought her a little pink comforter set to make it look more inviting too. I honestly don’t know how he hasn’t crashed without any sleep.

“Why don’t you just ask someone who works here? I’m sure they can help.” I spot the price tag on these seats, and my eyes almost pop out of their sockets.

Kids are expensive as fuck.

Just as I comment about an employee, we hear a voice from behind us asking if we need any help. We both turn and find a short, round man in the signature red polo shirt.

“Uh, yeah, I’m looking for a car seat for my daughter. She’s almost two years old.”

The man takes out a piece of paper with a list of sorts, but I can’t make out what it says.

“How much does she weigh? What’s her height in inches?” he asks as he stares at the paper.

Jaxon swallows nervously, looks towards me, and I just shrug. I don’t know these answers any more than he does. He scratches his head and responds honestly.

“Yeah, I don’t know.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Is that important?”

The guy looks at Jaxon as if he’s deciphering whether or not he’s serious, then clears his throat. “Mhmm, well, yes, it’s very important actually. If a child is in a car seat that’s not appropriate for their height and weight, it can be rather dangerous.”

Jaxon’s mouth drops in shock. “Give me a minute.” He holds up one finger,

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