How to Betray Your Country James Wolff (fun to read txt) 📖

to say that I can’t close my eyes without seeing the face of the , what good can possibly come of saying his name out loud?

If this is censorship, it is censorship of the most benign and necessary sort – akin to blacking out details of troop movements in letters home from the front. There will be time to relax into a Scandinavian-style liberal democracy in which anything can be said – all grievances aired, all wounds healed – once this particular existential crisis has passed. Until then, I am on a war footing. Until then, I will not permit any mention of , of the guilt I feel towards , of the , of the appalling in that house. It doesn’t matter how harmless the thought might at first appear. A harmless thought might just be the thin end of the wedge, and it should come as no surprise to anyone that the thin end of the wedge, positioned correctly and with the right amount of pressure applied, can very quickly be turned into an instrument of as lethal as any or .

Having said that, I don’t want to rush into anything. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep this going. This morning I made it onto the landing, this afternoon I got as far as the lobby. And I was contemplating a stroll (neither word quite right) down the street this evening when Lawrence came to visit. He stood outside and knocked at my door – intermittently, apologetically – for over ten minutes. In between he talked.

“August, are you all right? Is there anything I can get you? Fancy a ? Just say the word – I can easily call down and have them bring us a couple of cold . Listen, I can imagine the meeting with MIT must have been horrendous. I’m really sorry we didn’t get a chance to speak properly afterwards. Elif’s a tough nut, don’t you think? Anyway, having had the opportunity to reflect on things, I can see that they’ve treated your friend very harshly, and I wanted to reassure you that we will be working night and day behind the scenes to persuade them to show leniency.”

He’s got one of those sonorous musical voices that somehow retains the shape of the instrument it emerges from, like a trombone. As I listened to him, I knew with certainty that he was leaning against the wall, that his brow was furrowed, that he was checking his phone or his fingernails.

“We’re here to help you back onto your feet. In practical terms that means a plane ticket to London and a cottage in the countryside for as long as you need it. We’ll lay on the best doctors, and if you decide you want to speak to someone about the horrible things you’ve been through – and who can blame you, after your experience in that , as well as what happened to – we’ll find the right person and give the two of you the space and time needed to work through it all.”

Space and time. Like a god he plucks them loose from the universe and offers them as his gift. I really do admire his self-belief. No matter how badly he behaves one day, he wakes up the next with unshakeable confidence in his ability to persuade you that he is on your side. I don’t know whether this makes him a psychopath or just good agent-handler material.

“And in case you’re worried about your safety with that on the loose, you can be reassured by the fact that Elif has put a few of her guys around the hotel. They’re trying their best to be discreet, but with the kind of training you and I have had it isn’t difficult to spot them. There’s a young guy in the lobby getting bored of his newspaper, and a couple of goons with leather jackets and moustaches making eyes at each other from opposite sides of the street outside, and then a fourth chap hanging a bit further back. I suspect he’s the one in charge – better at his job, a bit older, but tough-looking with it. No doubt Elif’s got someone at the front desk reporting to her too. Anyway, the point is that there’s a friendly shield wrapped around you, August, and it’ll stay there until you board the plane. There’s absolutely no prospect of anyone getting through, however skilful they might believe themselves to be. In fact, the best thing for all concerned would be if you let me drive you to the airport right now. That way Elif’s guys can go back to hunting down the , and we can go back to persuading her to release your friend . It’d put her in a much better mood if we were able to report back that you’d followed her instructions and left the country. After all, that’s how we’re going to get leniency, that’s how we’re going to get released – by playing ball. Really, August, with only six days left on your visa, there’s nothing you can do other than leave. What do you say?”

Lawrence is replaced by dusk, like a changing of the guard. Later comes the night shift. In packs of two or three they roam abandoned corridors – unshaven, dead-eyed, looking for new ways to be cruel.

DAY 3

Dawn arrives in its gleaming uniform, and with it the certainty that I can’t survive another night like that, and the knowledge that censorship can only ever take you so far. It might work (to develop the military analogy) if what you want to conceal is something minor and specific, such as the rank of an officer or the location of a landing