Fish: A Memoir of a Boy in Man's Prison T. Parsell (ebook reader play store .txt) 📖

even if the white guy had snitched and was moved to another cellblock, his life would be at risk by the other gang members. I went back inside nay cell and picked up The Executioner's Song by Norman Mailer, which I had traded for a pack of cigarettes.

I didn't know what I'd do if Nate asked me the sane thing. Will you Buck? You're damned if you answered yes and you're fucked if you said no. I could see where things were going, and I wondered if that's what I needed to do? Perhaps I could compromise and avoid being beaten up.

It felt horrible not having Slide Step there to protect me. After my first day at Riverside, Slide Step's protection had been as steady as the drone of an electric fan, but now that it was silent-I was starting to sweat again.

Nate was standing outside my open cell, staring at me. His right hand was resting just inside his waistband. He caught me looking, so I raised my book quickly until he walked away.

Maybe I was getting nervous for nothing, but I was determined to protect myself from a repeat of what happened to me at Riverside. About two minutes later he came back and entered my cell. He came in, uninvited, and sat on the bed.

All of the doors in the cellblock were opened at the same time. It wasn't possible to lock one, and open another. When the guards pulled the lever at the end of the block, they either all opened or were all closed at the same time.

"What's up," I said, trying my best to sound calm.

"You."

I ignored him and tried to keep reading. Someone started past the cell but then stopped and retreated. I looked over at Nate. I wasn't sure, but he may have signaled them somehow, because the expression on his face changed suddenly. He looked at me with an embarrassed smile.

I got up from the bed, but he propped his foot against the doorway blocking my exit. "What?" he said. "I'm just sitting here."

"What do you want?"

"Nothing." His tone was reassuring, but his face suggested otherwise. "I just want to kick it with you." He nodded toward the bed. "Sit down, I'm not going to let nothing happen."

"That's all right," I said. "I'll stand."

I could see he had a hard-on inside his pants, and he caught me looking at it.

My throat felt dry, and my heart raced. My hands started to shake and my legs felt wobbly. I had flashbacks of Riverside, and I didn't want a repeat of what went on there. But it also felt hopeless, trying to resist.

He pulled down his waistband and released his dick.

For a split second, the sight of his dick excited me, but this was not sexand I didn't have a choice in the matter. I got down on my knees and took him inside my mouth, hoping it would be enough to keep him from raping me. But I could see quickly, he wasn't going to stop there.

"C'mon," Nate said. "Let me fuck you."

"No," I said. "I don't like it."

"C'mon, I'll go real slow."

"Just let one do this," I begged. At least sucking him oft didn't hurt physically.

"I'm keeping these motherfuckers off of you, boy. So you've gots to give that up."

"Please, Nate. I don't like it. I'll do this, but can't you just leave that alone?"

He reached over and felt my ass.

The others were on the far side of the cellblock, hanging out in the first cell or two, or playing cards at the front table. Nate said no one knew what was happening, but it didn't matter. "I run this," he said. "Now let me hit that ass."

He smacked me on the head.

It could have been meant as a playful tap, or maybe not. I wasn't sure. I was getting the impression that if I didn't go along with it, lie was going to take it anyway he liked.

"OK," I said, "but promise you'll go easy."

"Now that's what I'm talkin' about," he said. He pulled off his pants.

He started fucking me and the smell in the air was unmistakable. Vaseline mixed with shit. There was no way the others wouldn't pick up on it and know what was happening. Nate had said he would keep it a secret, but suddenly someone was standing outside the cell. And lie didn't keep his other promise either. He was fucking me hard, and it was hurting badly.

"Please Nate," I begged. "Go easy."

He didn't. He just kept fucking me. I put my head down into the mattress and tried to block out what was happening, but the pain was too intense for me to leave the moment. I could see stars and shades of red and white and black. I clenched any jaw and stared into the darkness of my soul. I never should have sucked his dick. What was I thinking?

Nate grabbed a clump of my hair and yanked my head back. Loud Mouth was standing in front of me with his pants down to his ankles.

"No," I screamed.

Nate slapped me hard in the face, and Loud Mouth laughed.

He stuffed his cock in my mouth, while one of them said, "Shut up, bitch," but I couldn't tell which of them said it. I thought about biting off Loud Mouth's dick, but I was too frightened to tight back. There were a dozen others in the rest of the cellblock who might join in.

"Parsell," a voice shouted from the end of the hall.

Nate and Loud Mouth stopped when they heard the bolt of the cellblock door slide open. "Parsell," the deputy repeated, "Let's go! You've got an attorney visit."

When Nate got off me, he had shit all over his lap, which made me glad. The fucker deserved it. I tugged at my pants that were under his feet. He scrambled to put on his own.

"He'll be right there," Loud Mouth shouted. "He just got out of the shower."

I wished I could've shit all over him