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You need either to tell her the truth or to lie to her, but you cannot keep on ignoring her like this. She has had an extremely traumatic life thus far, caused by the Council’s many interferences in her life. You have the power to ease some of her pain.”

The warmth I had felt minutes ago disappeared, and I knew she wasn’t watching anymore. I breathed a sigh of relief, and I could feel Samael’s frustration with me.

The phone rang and I knew exactly who was calling. My hand twitched, and I knew Samael really wanted to get it, but somehow he had abstained. He didn’t seem to be forcing his will on me, which was a bit of a shock. It rang again and I looked at it. Samael quietly urged me, “Just talk to her.” It rang a third time, and I was still on the fence as to whether I’d be doing more harm than good. Finally, on the fourth ring I picked it up. I did my best not to sound like a love sick puppy, when I said, “Hi Lauren.”

“Max, just listen for a minute.” Her voice was urgent, maybe a little rehearsed. She paused, I guess expecting me to interrupt. I didn’t. “I know you’re angry with me; I know why. I never would have helped Samael if I had known it wasn’t you. Everything was chaos and all turned around that night. Max, I swear I would do anything to take it back. I need you.” There was a long silence. I so very much wanted to tell her why I couldn’t see her. But telling Lauren the truth would be just like telling Rewsna. If I did, I knew that Samael was right: we would both end up dead. I just needed to figure out how to get him out of my head.

“Lauren, I just need a little time. I’m not angry with you. I just got a little wierded out in that bank vault. I’m sorry – I know I hurt your feelings. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just need to ease back into a normal life.”

Her voice was pleading, “Max, I want to come over to talk.”

I kept myself from shouting, “NO!” Her voice was soothing, not in a lullaby way, but in an all is right with the world way. “I’m worn out, I just need some sleep. I’ll call you when I get up, okay?”

I could hear the hopefulness in her voice when she asked, “You don’t want me to come over?” Every fiber in my being was screaming, “Tell her yes! Tell her to come over right now!”

“Like I said, it has been a pretty intense month. I’m not mad, I do still love you, and I know I want us to have a shot at a normal life. You need to understand, I was at war for over a year. I saw death and pain all around me. I came back to the guilt of finding you awake and alone. I was awakened to the knowledge that there are evil things all around us. I was devastated to learn that for a second time I couldn’t protect you from the thing that scared you most in the world, and emasculated to know that you defeated Samael twice without my help. Please just give me some time. I’ve known since our first moments together that you were the only person I would ever want to be with; I just need to work through some things. Being a jackass to you when you don’t deserve it is bound to happen again until I get my head on straight. It would be better just to let me be for a little while.”

“If you won’t see me, will you at least call and talk to me?”

I didn’t hear any obvious hurt in her voice, “I’ll call you when I get up this afternoon.”

We hung up; to Samael’s credit he kept quiet about the whole incident. He didn’t interject an opinion, and he didn’t comment on my conversation.

*****

The sun was coming through the west facing window. I opened my eyes to check the clock: 4:30. I needed to get moving so I could get ready for work. As I stirred, I felt a warm hand caress my back. I froze, not wanting to let on that I was awake.

She must have realized that I wasn’t sleeping, because Lauren’s soft voice said, “Max, I get that you want to work through this on your own, and I can respect that. I just really need you.” Her hand slid down my back and draped over me. Her hand caressed me, and I could feel her body pressed to mine. The arousal was immediate, I ached for her so bad that my body overrode my head and completely took over.

I rolled over and was on top of her in the blink of an eye. My mouth found hers and I began kissing her slowly, deeply. She responded immediately. Despite all of my weight compressing her, she grinded herself into me. I thought I would come right there in my shorts. I started to ease her shirt off, but her encouragement didn’t stop, and I ended up ripping it off of her.

Her breasts were staring at me, inviting me to touch them. I looked into her eyes. I could hear a quiet voice in the back of my head warning me against it, but in this moment - I just didn’t care. I sucked hard on her left breast, so hard that she groaned with pleasure – a sound I had missed so desperately I only wanted to hear it again. She wound her legs around me, still half dressed, and I thrust my weight into her hard.

I wanted her. I knew Samael did, too. I could no more deny him this, anymore than I could myself. The need was primal, in this moment more necessary than air.

I hiked her shorts off, a little

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