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I’d actually been falling in love with, and I’d been planning on settling down with?

I’d gone to her in my hour of need
and found her in bed with her friend Martin.

I knew Oracle wouldn’t do that, I knew she wouldn’t, but I was damaged goods, and I just couldn’t bring myself to take that final step. We’d talked about most of it, and we’d admitted our feelings, more or less. Now it was just a case of me getting over my internal hang-ups and well
 going for it.

Which I definitely freaking wanted to do.

She was wearing a sports outfit of sprayed-on yoga pants and a tiny bright red sports top that could never contain her
assets
 in reality; it would explode under the pressure if the material was real. Her long hair hung around her waist in ringlets and curls, her smile was bright enough to blind, and her ruby red lips were perfect.

All in all, she’d make the Kardashians run weeping over how unattractive they were, and she only had eyes for me.

Aaaaand right now, she was bouncing up and down in the middle of the room, with everyone staring at her.

“Okay
look, there are a few rules in my lands the biggest and most important is simple: ‘Don’t be a dick.’ That’s all there is to it, and I think it’s an easy one to follow, okay? As an example, asking me about the images of naked women in my mind that Oracle used to pattern herself after would be firmly in the ‘dickish move’ category.”

There was silence around the cavern as the new people tried to figure this out, broken only by the snickering of those who had been with me a while.

“I can feel that laugh, Bane!” I snapped, pointing a finger at him, and he held up his hands.

“Sorry, Jax
but
.”

“Ah! No!” I said, cutting him off. “Look, we need a plan here, okay people, and that would be really convenient to move onto, as I don’t want to talk about the naked ladies!”

“I don’t mind the naked ladies
” muttered Tang, and Barrett grinned at him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll tell you all about what we’ve figured out once he’s asleep!” Barrett promised, and I glared at him.

“Really, dude?” I said flatly. “You had to go there? I can fucking hear you; you know.” Barrett shrugged and grinned back at me unrepentantly as Yen spoke up.

“Very
 well, Lord Jax, perhaps we should concentrate on the next steps. Before we speak of any further plans, we must come up with a solution for the issue with the smugglers.”

“Yeah, okay,” I said, still glaring at Barrett. “Right, then. I’d rather not kill you fuckers, especially right after I’ve saved your lives, but we need to sort this out. What kind of an Oath could you give me?” I asked, addressing the smugglers.

“I couldn’t give an Oath, my Lord,” their leader said, stepping forward. “I can give advice and I can offer to help you, but I will need to report everything that happened here to one of the Smuggler’s Guildmasters. It’s not a choice
 I
”

“Is there a Guildmaster named Mal?” I asked cautiously, and he blinked in surprise.

“Yes
? He’s one of the three; he’s taken over the arena, though.”

“Okay, could you report to him, and only him? Tell him what happened, and that I’m claiming all of this as my spoils of the battle. If he wants to make a deal, he needs to come talk to me. Tell him I know Oren, and that we’ve got an offer for him.”

“I can, but I’m not leaving my people
”

“Yes, you are,” I said, cutting him off. “Your people stay with me until you return, and if you return with a fucking army from Himnel behind you, they’ll be the first to face them.” I met his astonished eyes coldly. “Let me make this clear: you’re a career criminal, and you’ve refused to give me the only thing that would enable me to trust you, an Oath. Maybe you can’t, maybe you’re a lying sack of shit. I don’t know. What I do know is this, knowledge of me is valuable at this stage, and I. Don’t. Fucking. Trust. You. Your people stay with me until you return. Oh, and for fuck’s sake, find some pants at least, dude. I don’t need to see that waving around.”

“I won’t leave her!” he snarled, grabbing his granddaughter's arm.

“You’ll be staying here, then,” I replied. “That can be as a prisoner while we come up with another plan, or as cold meat for whatever monster moves into this place when I leave. Up to you.”

“Grandfather, stop being an idiot! You have to go. You know this is a good deal. What do you always tell me?” his granddaughter said, poking him in the chest with one finger.

“‘Look at the deal you have, not the one you want,’” he muttered, and she nodded emphatically.

“Then look at what you’re being offered. We were being killed by the Drow, one by one, but now we’re all alive! We’re being offered our freedom, and all they’re asking is that we keep quiet on who they are, because they’re at war with the city lord! I know your Oath means you have to report it, but even there, you can help them. Look at the deal as a trade for him freeing us. All you have to do is go to Arena Master Mal, tell him what’s happened, and pass a message on; that’s it. When you come back, we can go free, right?” She directed this last bit at me, and I nodded, before looking over to Lydia.

“Any idea what happened to their clothes?” I asked her. As much as the view of the girl was great and all, I didn’t need the distraction, and the rest of the group were nowhere near so nice to look at.

“Find them some clothes,” Lydia said to Jian and Miren, keeping Stephanos on lookout close to the entrance to the tunnels.

“Oh
 I
 uh
” the

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