Leaving Normal Stef Holm (classic literature books TXT) 📖

you think you can ever crave love? Feel it strongly in your heart, mind and soul?" As soon as she asked, her hand withdrew and she shook her head, fingers touching her lips as if to remove the words. "I shouldn't have asked that. It's irrelevant."

"Why's it irrelevant?"

"Because we aren't going to fall in love, me with you nor you with me…so it doesn't matter. I don't know why I even asked."

"Yes, you do."

He waited for her to give him her reason; he knew she had one.

Natalie's lips pressed together, their fullness and pink color catching his attention and distracting. He would have kissed her if she hadn't been forming words of explanation.

"Some men think they want to be in love, but they don't. Not really. It's the chase, the pursuit that interests them. When they win a woman over by doing everything right, when it comes time to make a commitment, love leaves the picture."

"I hear bitterness."

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be, it's just that I'm a lot more cautious these days."

"Caution is good. Just know your limits."

That caused Natalie to roll her eyes, step out of his arms and brace her hands on each side of the sink. She lowered her head, stood in silent thoughtfulness, then came back to him.

Before he could react, she had both hands on the back of his head and was kissing him soundly on the mouth.

He could feel her body trembling as she spoke. "I'm done thinking. Come upstairs with me."

Natalie wasn't sure if Tony would follow her—she just began walking and hoped he would. With each riser she climbed coming closer to her bedroom, her heart jerked into a more frantic pace.

What was she doing?

Ha! She knew damn well what she was doing. She'd known since being in the dressing room of Victoria's Secret trying on underwear and lingerie.

Once on the landing, she walked into her bedroom. She'd placed candles on the bedside tables, put flowers on the bureau and on the side of the bathtub. The room was perfumed with waxy fragrances. Fresh sheets were on the bed, the pillows plumped. The lighting was low—she'd left the dimmer on a low setting. In every way, she had planned the last detail of her…seduction.

Seduction.

What a name to call this. She shouldn't have put so much thought into it… Should have just—just what? Just not done anything and gone on as if Tony didn't matter, as if she didn't need him or this.

She felt him stand behind her, his hands holding on to her shoulders and bringing her back to his chest. He rested his chin on the top of her head.

"It looks nice in here. Different."

Then she remembered he'd seen it when she'd had her surgery. The chaos and clutter of the room, the rumpled bed, her in it after she'd gotten sick. She vividly remembered the cup of soup he'd brought her and set on the night table, relived how he'd sat backward on a chair and talked to her. Such a different time, a different mood. This now felt different, strange, as if she were disconnected from that past experience. As if it hadn't been her. As if she were a different woman now.

She couldn't quite pinpoint it, but suddenly she questioned if she'd done the right thing. The timing…the planning.

She was a planner; felt better knowing what was to come. But did a woman really plan out a sex bed? Could it really work?

Maybe Tony was thinking she was nuts.

She turned in his arms, needing to rest her cheek on his chest. He cupped the back of her head, held her close and just kept her near him. She heard the beats of his heart, the strength within his body pulsating through his chest. He was indeed strong, battle-hard from his job.

Tony Cruz was like no other man she'd ever met.

If only she could be the kind of woman he needed and wanted.

If only…

For some stupid reason, she got a tear in her eye, blinked it away and held on to a curse beneath her breath. Funny how she felt things for him she'd never felt for a man before. Funny how their differences put a wedge between them that she could see no way to build a bridge across. And yet it was those very differences that attracted her to him.

"Do you want to go back downstairs?" she asked.

"No."

She hadn't expected that answer. "What do you want to do?" She held her breath.

"Lie down."

"Lie down?"

"Yes. I want to lie down on the bed with you, hold you in my arms, and I want to feel all the damn stress inside you leave. I'm not getting up until you let it go."

"I'm not that stressed," she lied.

"The hell you aren't." He moved away from her. "Sit down."

He nudged her toward the foot of the bed and made her sit. He took off her shoes, then he sat and took his off, as well.

Tony lay back, brought her with him as he scooted up onto the pillows and fit her into the crook of his arm. She lay there, tense and anticipating something more. But nothing else happened.

He settled in, rested on his back with her tucked next to his side. She gazed at the ceiling fan above the bed, thought about the summer months when it rotated slowly and kept her cool. The room was warm right now, the heater tripping on in the house. Outside it was quiet, a hazy darkness having settled. Her blinds were closed.

Natalie put her hand on Tony's chest, amazed that he could control the beats of his heart to slow, normal and steady. His ability to relax with ease was something she envied. She closed her eyes, willing herself to do likewise. She felt the pressures slipping away from her.

No sex bed…

It was okay. It was all right. She was happy like this. Just lying next to him as she had on his sofa. There was an infinite peace that came