Club You to Death Anuja Chauhan (best ebook reader for ubuntu .TXT) 📖

fat, south Delhi bungalow with security guards outside! And there’s a gallant Mr Katoch in the picture too!’

‘That is true.’ Bhavani takes his phone back. ‘Well, well, seven suits us actually – we can proceed to the airport from the Taj itself.’

The Taj Lobby is full of pink Oriental lilies,’ his wife says wistfully. ‘Oh, you must order a good breakfast and charge the department!’ She smiles, ‘Send the bill to Buckingham palace!’

He looks at her blankly.

‘It’s from My Fair Lady, Bhavani.’

‘O really?’ he says vaguely. ‘Let us hope the “something” she has “remembered” will turn out to actually be useful …’

14

Flames & Flowers

‘Alcohol is a terrible thing,’ Cookie Katoch says with a pious little shudder. ‘I toh never touch a drop!’

Coming from somebody who was spectacularly inebriated the first time they met, this is pretty rich. But then, Cookie Katoch is pretty rich too – and the rich are permitted their pretty little lies.

‘So great of you,’ he murmurs politely

She feels the need to explain. ‘I only take alcohol if I’ve had a terrible shock.’

‘Haan, then toh it is must!’ Bhavani agrees at once. ‘All the best doctors prescribe alcohol for shock.’

Having cleared up this point, Cookie Katoch chugs down the fresh sweet-lime juice she has poured three sachets of Stevia into, then leans in conspiratorially, spilling out from several places in her pink velour tracksuit. With her chubby face, high ponytail and massively oversized D&G sunglasses, she looks rather like a Punjabi Powerpuff girl.

‘Katoch is terrible with alcohol. He doesn’t know when to stop, and then, once he’s drunk, he insists on driving … Even if the driver is there! We’ve had a few ghastly experiences, driving back from parties and all …’

Bhavani nods along, giving her his full attention, wondering where this story is going.

‘And so I decided, when the invite came for Bambi and Anshul’s engagement party at the DTC, in the middle of the foggiest month of the year, that the best thing to do, because Pankaj Todi and Katoch are such thick friends, and they were all sure to get roaring drunk that night, was to book a guest cottage for the night at the Club only!’

Bhavani pricks up his ears. ‘O really.’

She beams at him, nodding gleefully. ‘Haan! Now you’re suddenly looking alive, ACP Brownie! Did you think I called you here just because I have a crush on you?’

Bhavani’s homely features redden. ‘Yes, mada— I mean no, madam!’

She chuckles. ‘I’m just teasing. Where was I? Oh my God, this is too exciting, but scary also – my cheeks are getting so hot, uff!’ She presses them with the back of her hands, then beckons a hovering waiter. ‘Excuse me, beta, come here! Can you get me glass of really, really cold water? Thank you! So, ACP, like I was saying, Katoch and I took Guest Cottage No. 4, I think. We went in there around two in the morning, and then at around three, when I got up to go to the bathroom, I heard people arguing very loudly outside my window. Very, very loudly. It was actually scary – so I moved the curtains, very little bit, and I looked out into the parking lot, and of course there was so much swirling fog … Ek toh this Delhi ka pollution na, but through it all, I saw them!’

‘Who, madam?’ His voice is perfect – interested, but not intrusive.

She looks around furtively, then removes her sunglasses to reveal huge, unslept-looking eyes, part-worried, part-feverishly excited. ‘Him only, Ajay Kumar, Ganga ka husband! I recognized him in the wedding picture that was printed in that article! I’ve a very good eye for faces, because I’m an artist … But you know that, you came for my Shivling exhibition. My company’s called—’

‘ShivBling. Yes, madam,’

‘It was him only, pukka-promise, with his French beard and his dark circles and his pink flashing gums! He was shouting, and the other fellow was shouting too. Some dhakkam dhukki also happened, and it looked like it was going to turn into mukka-mukki, which was very interesting, but it was also a very, very cold night, and I wasn’t wearing very much, because Katoch and I were … er …’

‘Yes, madam.’

She smiles at him gratefully. ‘So intelligent, you are. So like I was saying, I shut the curtain and got quickly back under the warm razai with my warm husband!’

‘And, madam, you didn’t say – did you recognize the other person also? Who was it that was arguing with Ajay Kumar?’

‘Oh, didn’t I say?’ She looks around furtively, then leans in even closer, and whispers. ‘Actually I’m not really surprised, because he was always a strange child – I took him to Funky Orbit once, when he was very little, along with my son and some of their friends and he exposed himself to me quite blatantly inside the red twister tunnel. I was horrified – but too scared to tell his mother, because, baba re, she’s the type who never blames her child for anything! Unlike me – I toh am very strict! Whenever people do shikayat of my children, I always give them two tight slaps before even asking for their version of the story!’

‘That is excellent parenting, madam, I’m sure your children love you very much.’

She gives a little wriggle of pride. ‘Oh yes! They’re well settled – my daughter’s a banker in New York and my son’s an engineer in Seattle. We’re looking for a nice girl for him but …’

She trails off and sips the iced water which has just arrived at the table.

‘Anyway, I had started taking a video, but I stopped because Katoch was calling me back to bed. Still, it’s long enough to see the two faces quite clearly! It was on my old phone, we had to stay up till three last night to retrieve it, but I have it here.’

She slides a phone triumphantly across the table.

Bhavani beams. ‘That is excellent work, madam! You should