I Love You More Than I'm Afraid (Our Forevers #2) Rebel Hart (good english books to read .txt) 📖

time we’d actually known each other, Aria had quickly become one of the most important people in my life. It was almost worth staying not to have to say goodbye to her, but there was a future waiting for me in NYC.

One that got me away from my parents, and god willing, would help me get over Hannah.

27

Hannah

Thanks to my easing dislike for Aria, when Tristan invited me out to dinner with the pair of them in order to distract Aria from Arden’s encroaching departure, I was able to oblige. It had been a week since Aria first dropped the news that she was leaving, and I still struggled to believe it. Aria meant so much to Arden. It was difficult to imagine she’d up and leave, breaking her promise to be there for Aria’s graduation party. But it must have meant that was how hard she was taking our breakup. I’d all but gone into a frozen place where I just refused to let myself think about it. It wasn’t entirely healthy, but it helped me deal with the pain.

When I arrived at the restaurant I was meeting them at, Tristan and Aria were hugged together in one side of a booth and Aria was crying. I tried to remember if I’d ever seen the woman cry before, but I couldn’t think of a time. She was always puffing her chest out and putting on a strong facade for everyone around her. It made it that much more heartbreaking that she couldn’t manage to remain resolved.

It wasn’t like I didn’t get it. Seeing Aria immediately snapped my mind to the idea that in less than twenty-four hours, Arden would be all the way on the Eastern seaboard and I’d probably never see her again. I jettisoned that thought from my brain.

If I don’t acknowledge it, it isn’t happening.

“Hey,” I said, when I’d finally hardened myself enough to approach the table. “Aria, I’m so sorry.”

She sniffled in, grabbing a napkin and wiping her tears away. “Thanks. Me too.”

“Yeah,” I said.

“You’re handling it really well,” she whimpered.

“That’s because Hannah has taken a really destructive detachment strategy,” Tristan scolded. “AKA, she’s in denial.”

“Please stop,” I growled. “I’m actually eating and sleeping again. Do you want that to stop?”

He opened his mouth to reply, but then closed it again and sighed. “No.”

“It’s not like I’m not sad,” I said, already feeling my emotions pressing against the gate I’d locked up tight. “I mean… Arden and I were inseparable for the first fifteen years of our lives. I fell in love with her and now…” My nose started to burn and my eyes started to water. “Damn it, Tristan. You did this on purpose.”

“I did!” he yelped. “Because it’s not good to hold it in.”

I dropped my head against the table and heard shuffling before suddenly Tristan was next to me consoling me instead of Aria. Part of me wanted to shove him back in her direction, but I honestly needed the consolation and decided to be selfish about it.

“Hannah, can I be honest about something?” Aria said in a shaky tone. “Please don’t be mad.”

“Okay?”

“I don’t get it,” she said. “You love Arden so much. You belong together.”

“I don’t disagree with you,” I said, annoyed.

“Aria…” Tristan warned.

“No, I wanna hear what she has to say,” I said. “Go ahead.”

“It just… It feels so trivial to me. If you love her so much, why is being with her publicly so hard for you?” Aria asked.

It was one step forward, two steps back with Aria for me sometimes. “You could never understand the amount of pressure I’m under. When you’re…” I looked around, making sure no one was watching us. “When you’re gay, it’s different. It’s difficult. There’s stigmas and ridicule and I’m just doing the best I can.”

Aria held her hands up immediately. “You’re a hundred percent right, I could never relate to what you must be going through. I can’t imagine. It must be so scary and it would take strength that I will never have in my whole lifetime.” She lowered her gaze. “But Arden understands.” It struck a nerve with me that I wasn’t expecting. “She’s already lost everything. Her parents have abandoned her, she wasn’t able to bond with her sisters, she can never go back home. She had to start over and build from scratch, but she told me it was worth it to love you.”

“I’m just not that strong,” I whined back. “I’m afraid of losing my family and my home.”

“But we’d never let you fall,” Tristan said. “And if your family would honestly reject you just because you love someone, then why do you want them in your life? It will never feel good.”

“We’ll back off, because you’re right, Tris and I will never know the fear you have to face, but can I ask one last question? What’s your plan? Are you just going to pretend to be straight forever? Marry a guy you’re not attracted to and just live a half-life?”

I shook my head, remembering Shane at Ceradi’s party or even dating Tristan and how impossible it was. “No. I assume I’ll eventually have to face it.”

Tristan looked at me. “Do you think that when you do you’ll regret that you didn’t do it in time to be with Arden?”

I thought about it for a long time. I imagined myself five or ten years down the road. For me, I was most concerned about the fact that I lived with my family and they supported me. So maybe when I had my own house and a job and could live my life totally separate from my parents, I’d admit the truth to them. The fear that they would reject me totally and I’d lose my mom and dad still scared me, but Aria and Tristan were right. I wasn’t ever going to marry a man just to be the person my parents wanted me to be. It was more likely that I’d